Untitled Drawings-02·07·2015 Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 14X11 inches How did I get to this need I have to make art, or make anything? There is definitely some kind of flame within me that calls me to fabricate, fashion, build, and assemble. At one time I believed it was my need to leave behind a legacy. I believed making art was evidence that I was here. These things I made would be here when I am no longer here. They would be traces of myself, which would continue to exist after I am gone. Now it does not seem so simple. There is much happening in my daily life, emotional and physical. I need to speak of these happenings in order to digest them, understand them, live with them. The weird part of this is the feeling that I am slowly inching toward the stuff I was born to make. The imagines are becoming more me, less derivative. I am not sure who wrote it, but I once read that every important voice has one great idea that drives ALL their work. Picasso has manipulation of form, Matisse had manipulation of color, Einstein had manipulation of space/time, et cetera. The problem is finding the means to express the great idea. I have not fully found my means, my voice. I am bolstered by the feeling that I am getting closer. My daily work is paying off.
Every day, when I rise from sleep, I realize the amount of work facing me. I must encourage myself to have courage. This is work. No matter how much I wish it were easy, insights do not come easy. Inspired as I am to seek and find, I must do the work. I want to know and see more quickly; there is never enough time and energy in my day. This is a long haul job. The most important insight occurring now, as I work, is the discovery of contrast as an animator of form and composition. The drawings and the painting shown today are from two days ago. The first drawing of January 28th is at the bottom. It carries through ideas insightfully discovered the day before. It is in the second drawing (the portrait head), however, that I played better with contrast. After the drawings, I went to painting. The green around those receding blocks was darkened. This higher contrast causes the painting to pop better than before. The painting is now on its way to completion. Happily, an effective increase in my artistic arsenal is readily seen.
A Note on Reproduction: The last few drawings have been on rough, slightly yellow, paper. In the portrait head you can see the yellow, but in the drawing of the abstract form (#1, bottom of page) all color was removed because a weird optical effect occurred which caused low value colors on its ground — it is reproduced in gray scale. What can I tell you? It happens! There are days when I go through the motions of art-making while feeling distracted by emotional issues outside of my personal concerns. Yesterday was one of those days. Conceivably, or surprisingly, this confusion is illustrated in yesterday's unusual drawing. The man in the left panel is obviously interested in the confusion in the right panel. The right panel contains, perhaps, a head on feet covered by something like white, opaque, plastic wrap — also a blade-like object penetrates it though its top. If this drawing speaks deeply about my emotional life, in my day that was yesterday, then there is a "golly!" and a "gadzooks!" in this revelation. Could it be that I speak intuitively even when I feel awash in concerns outside myself?
I have been showing up, patiently, waiting for this. Yesterday the girl in the right panel of Untitled Triptych-08·13·2014 became right. I am not saying she is perfect, but the solution is there. She has taken on the proper mood. The bend of her body relative to her head is right. Her relative sizes, scale of head to body, scale of her to the rest of the triptych, et cetera, is right and good. If showing up is 80% of success, then hanging in there is 19%. I will go with Thomas Edison for the last 1%: "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration."
Yesterday's drawing is surprising in subject. I am not going to pull it apart by analyzing it. Today's title is less reality than a query. It is very confusing to be an artist. It's like diving blind into a quarry pond, dark and deep with no sunshine to illuminate its depth. The safety of the dive is in question. Picasso said it well: "Painting is a blind man's profession. He paints not what he sees, but what he feels, what he tells himself about what he has seen." I am becoming permeated with this reality. The only way forward is to give into knowledge deeper and smarter than anything I consciously know. I am allowing myself to be taken over by forces I do not understand. I am a prisoner of the internalization of all I have seen. Woe is me!
Last night I watched Wes Anderson's film, "The Grand Budapest Hotel." I said out loud, "If I made films this is the kind I would make." It is the wrap of seriousness within humor that attacks me. That makes sense to me. I have had periods of my art making when this enclosure, and inclusion, has been present in my art. I believe, in order to live well, the serious aspects of life must be viewed within a sense humor that reflects the futility and limits of being alive and human. I must return to making art which fully reflect who I am and my core beliefs. Just in time: I am an easy step away from the completion of Untitled Diptych-04·15·2014. It will probably happen today! So, what you see here, is Untitled Diptych-04·15·2014 on the verge of its finality! It seems too serious to me now. Nonetheless, I needed to make it. Being an artist is seeking the root self. This painting was a step toward understanding the core requirements of my true art. Looking back is good because it informs me looking now. Yesterday's first drawing contains some of that sense of humor I require to feel fully me. I am happy it is coming back. Look for it in my next painting!
This drawing was made in two isolated spurts. A couple of household problems arose, so my day was divided. Nevertheless, I am happy with this drawing because it reckoned with my recent flirtation with Modigliani and the competition in my work between shape and volume. Modigliani solved this problem in his own way, and now I am in the midst of solving it for myself. I love the artifice of volume on a two-dimensional surface. This has led me to the enjoyment of the art of people such as Amedeo Modigliani (who solved this problem in a peculiarly early 20th century manner), but also to the art of Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio (1571-1610) and Georges de La Tour (1593-1652).
There are endless possibilities in this can of worms I just opened. Making art should be this way, endless and without limit. This feels exactly like the opening I have been searching for. Let me quote Joseph Campbell to make sense of this. “If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.” Sometimes I don't know why I am hesitating to act. For a couple of weeks I have been in the middle of this "loss of action" in regards to my most recent painting, Untitled-03·19·2014 (seen here last in the 03/29/2014 post). I know, over the last two weeks there have been a lot of other things in my life that have taken me away from this painting. More importantly, however, I knew I was hesitating because Untitled-03·19·2014 lacked something. I know this painting is a good a good one, and that it is very important to me. My quandary was over its intangible absence, so I hesitated to take further action. Well, last night I saw Loudon Wainwright III in concert. I enjoy him, and I am engaged by music, because he worries about the same things I worry about. Loudon Wainwright III makes those worries tangible in his art, his music. I returned home, and just before I got in bed I realized Untitled-03·19·2014 needs an "after" version of itself. It needs a second painting sitting by its side that looks at the moment after the moment depicted in Untitled-03·19·2014. This second painting will be identical in size (60X60 inches) and it will tell the rest of the story. I scribbled down a visual note on a sticky note, which will go to the studio with me today. Yesterday, the first thing I did in the studio was change the following drawing. The changes are subtle, but the drawing is much better because of these minor changes (original version was posted here on 03/30/2014).
...negative space that is. Yesterday's drawing continues my recent tradition of reacting with drawings which relate to the painting Untitled-03·19·2014. The negative space in that painting is formidable as well. In the painting a man sits on a chair. To me, the manner in which the chair's back right leg hits the floor is very satisfying. It establishes a spatial ground, as well as a color ground, and simultaneously points the attention to the female figure lying on her back. The diagonal play manufactured by this simple device is remarkably expressive. So, yesterday, when I began this drawing I began with the bench sitting squarely on the floor. It established the spatial-ness of the drawing without the use of lines to force the perspective (as I have done in the past ― e.g. the drawing Untitled-03·15·2014 posted on 03/16/2014). Very good, and a true insight.
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May 2024
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