The two drawings I made yesterday were born and bred from risk. Each was made with more abandon than usual. I let myself fall into each of the drawings, allowing the drawings to develop without much self-criticism. Consequently both drawings exhibit reasons to question and criticize, e.g. the the extreme disparity in head sizes of the first drawing and the different sizes of the man's hands in the second drawing. The return on my investment is the exhilaration I felt while making these drawings. Intellectual double-takes did not get in the way. It was pure pleasure making these drawings. Such activity bolsters my ability to take risks, as these drawings return a different type of satisfaction from those made with safety. Today, with optimism for risk, born from the success of these drawings, I will return to the painting "Window." "Window" is in a place which stopped me from acting. I was not sure how to take the next step. I have no idea where today's "next step" will lead. I am, however, confident "Window" will end today better than it is now. (Look to the post of 05/05/2011 for the present state of "Window.")
Just saying "Better and better..." is enough. Yesterday's work speaks for itself. Take a look at the painting, "Man & Man," and also at yesterday's two drawings (both of which preceded the revisions to "Man & Man"). You may have noted I took a day of rest between the work you see today and that in the previous post. I am currently working at a level which demands extreme attention to detail. Details are solved as themselves, and in the manner they relate to the whole, simultaneously. It is imperative that I am continuously, over several hours, at the top of game. This is only possible if I am not tired in any capacity. All of me, my emotional, intellectual, and physical capacities, must be wide awake and extremely aware. This is the only way to see well and to have the ability to solve the perceived problems.
Art is made in its own time. I am hanging in there with the painting "Man and Man." This painting is getting better, but being there for it is one hell of a trip. I do not mean this negatively. I am simply amazed at how much time and energy a painting of this quality demands. One would think I would stop being amazed already, as I have been doing this activity, being a painter, for a long time. Perhaps it is me wishing to be like Picasso or Van Gogh; both completed many of their paintings in one day. It seems I am more like Balthus than Picasso. I did not realize until today that "Man & Man" is similar in theme to a painting by Balthus, which I much admire. In the Balthus painting there is a clothed and naked girl, while my painting has a clothed and naked man (see an image of the Balthus painting after my work from yesterday). A postcard of this Balthus painting has been on the wall of my studio for several years (I believe the original painting is in The National Gallery, Washington, D.C.). I will show you another master paintings with a similar theme. After viewing the Balthus take a look at the masterpiece of Picasso's "Classical Period" (a painting which certainly took several days for Picasso to complete): "The Pipes of Pan," which is in the Picasso Museum, Paris. Like the Balthus painting, I have long admired this particular Picasso painting. I am not happy with my recent drawings, including the ones I show today. These drawings are more about research than art, and therefore suffer from technical analysis stuck within one aspect of each drawing. These drawings do not glow as complete works of art.
My drawings always tell me when I need to rest. The previous two days produced mediocre work. Yesterday also began with weakness, with mis-shapened forms resulting in a poor drawing. Yesterday's #2 drawing shows me struggling back, trying to move well, and see with trust in my internal knowledge. This second drawing is a bit better, but hit the recycle pile immediately. It was not until drawing #3 that I actually obtained proper focus and internalization. I always feel thankful when I get back to making art, rather than casually and lazily following superficially known methodology. It is wonderful that rest can eventually bring back the energy and ability to know and feel with depth.
Yesterday I entered the studio just enough to practice my craft — i.e. keep my hand in the game. One drawing; that's it!
It is not altogether true. It was not just the sun and 70°F temperature that got me out of the studio; I needed rest and recreation. It was a wonderful day! There is nothing as grand as a day of peace and happiness bought through satisfaction from one's good work. Yesterday was one of those days. I enjoyed it immensely!
I did spend a couple of hours in the studio. I made two drawings. Here they are... (Enjoy!) It was not easy. Yesterday I went into the studio with more enthusiasm than reserves in energy. I struggled at first. This initial struggle can be seen in the first drawing, which is awkward. Then I made a second drawing, trying to correct the misdirection I saw in drawing #1, which was in the manner I produced minor forms relative to larger forms. Drawing #2 was a bit more successful, but nothing to brag about. Realizing my energy was somewhat depleted from the two previous days of substantial gains, I began to paint on "Man & Man." You can see the results immediately below these comments. I did make headway, but total awareness was lacking. I like the head on the naked man, but it needs to be color corrected to be in sync with his body. I had lunch, then returned to do drawing #3, which is really a study for the naked man's legs. I then returned to painting, struggled mightily with the naked man's legs, finally giving up when I realized I did not have the energy, and thus lacked the hyper-consciouness required to relate his body to his legs. That was yesterday. Today will be low-key, as I rest and reserve some energy for the final onslaught on "Man & Man." I am very optimistic about my work. My daily efforts have embedded in me a knowledge of correctness. My endeavors are now exciting journeys toward finding that correctness in my works of art.
The biggest change I perceive in my studio activity is my relentless need to get it right. I am developing a "style." This is not a "style" as in Impressionism or Cubism, but one in terms of approach, of method. I mention this today because of the painting "Man & Man." Much has been accomplished in this painting, but I am dissatisfied. The desire "to get it right" is strong. In general, this inclination is growing as my abilities are growing. Today I'll begin with moving the naked man's left foot (on viewer's right) down a smidgen. Then I'll go back into the naked man's head once again, looking for truth in his physiognomy and his relationship to the clothed man. Finally, and only if I have the time and energy today, I will work on the clothed man's head and his right hand, refining their form and color.
Yesterday's drawing continues my recent rise into virtuosity. It has a solidity and invention of form relatively new to my work. There is no going backwards now. My newfound powers demand my digging deeper. I will be making work of greater substance and meaning. It was a great day for drawing! Every drawing, in execution, breathed with focus and feeling of internal reality, from moment to moment, all four of them! I can't stop using exclamation points! It was a very good day for drawing! Today I will go back into the painting "Man & Man," with hopes I feel the same level of virtuosity while painting that I experienced yesterday while drawing. I have a couple of minor exhibits coming up, one of which is the local "Summer Exhibition" at the AVA Gallery. Another is my home town gallery of Long River Studios, which will exhibit paintings to celebrate the 250th Anniversary of Lyme, New Hampshire. The Lyme Celebration Exhibit opens on June 2nd, in which I am required to exhibit paintings about Lyme, New Hampshire. I will have to make these painting in the next few weeks; they will be very different from the ones I have been showing here, since they will represent the environs of Lyme and will not be figurative work. If you are interested in the paintings I have shown at Long River Studios, here's a link: MEHRBACH at Long River Studios. My next few weeks will be very active in preparing paintings for exhibitions. The paintings I show at AVA Gallery will be a prelude to my next exhibits in Boston and New York City. Before I go, let me complain one more time about the poorness of reproduction: the drawings shown here do not represent well the nuances seen in the originals.
I am tired. This past week was momentous. My work has turned a corner. More specific, my process in painting has turned a corner. You can see it in today's images. As I wrote the last sentence I got a queer, anxious, physical sensation, an uncomfortable feeling that all in not right. I believe I feel this way because the painting I show today, "Man & Man," is not right, yet today I do not have the energy to go back into it. I need a day off. As you can see, the clothed man's head is in, but it is more a sketch than finished, as its color is basically in shades of gray, which indicate things to come rather than a completed product. It is necessary for me to accept my accomplishment, sit back, and enjoy the day. The accomplishment is the change in my approach, my method, my process. With "Man & Man" I found myself painting without hesitation, always seeking and finding in the present; I did not plan ahead. "Man & Man" is unveiling itself to me as I work. This does feel like the process I have used (for a long time) while drawing. I have often asked myself, "Why do I approach painting differently than drawing?" My excuse has been the vastly more complicated problems which painting presents. I believe that excuse was valid, but with "Man & Man," I have leapt over this barrier. The unease I feel is anxiety. I now have the tools to do this painting justice, I just do not have the energy to do it today. This statement may seem trite. Why should I be worried? I worry because my feeling tired is indicative of my mortality. I worry about my fleeting, transitory, temporary life. Being tired reminds me of the physical limits of life and conscious time. I can now make a painting without plans, or time-consciousness; I get frightened because I have so much more to do and I am too aware of the ephemeralness of life.
On a happier note, the drawing I made yesterday was another excellent one. Even though I wrote (above), about my obtaining a spontaneous process in drawing much earlier in my career, this drawing was made with greater trust in my finding truth than I have experienced in the past. First, when making form I can see and know its validity in an instant. Second, when I am uncomfortable with a mark I do not hesitate to rub it out and replace with one of more confidence. This extemporaneous process is without emotion or knowledge of time. I always look back at it with joy. It is how I want to be, always. |
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April 2024
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