Just one drawing yesterday (it did take several hours). Otherwise today's title says it all (I've got good feelings all around; the Holidays have made me tired but happy).
The activity in the studio is slow going. It's the Holidays, after all! Here is the one drawing from yesterday...
My soul and spirit, my intuition, my trust in myself; all these bits and pieces of me feel right and good. When things go well I worry about Lake Effects. There is a vast body of water out there, and if the right kind of wind blows over it, the snow will fall hard, messy, and thick. I am working every day to be prepared. The work I show you today is more masterful than the works that came before it. This brings enormous responsibility.
The goose is my knowledge. I'm collecting it quickly. I'm bulging at the seams. There is no excuse. Using this fat in my efforts toward authentic expression is the healthiest thing to do. Today's drawing exhibits this knowledge as skill: it is masterful in its own limited realm.
This is the time of year when one becomes overwhelmed with multiple priorities. Family comes first, but art-making is close behind. Today the gathering of the family begins and I will be conflicted (in a good way). I may not function well in the studio. Focus requires dedicated intensity and finding consistent intensity in the studio during the next several weeks will not be easy.
In yesterday's drawing (below) the man's heads is in an impossible twist, almost placing his head on backwards. In yesterday's post I wrote of the Buddhist idea of Ātman. This was a stretch for me since I am know little of Buddhism. My head was on a bit backwards as I fumbled for a way to express the way I seek the ground level of my impulses, my intuition, my being. I want to act from the core of my animation. I feel that my best moments of art-making are selfless and come from a place where I am without self. Perhaps this is the "true self" of Buddhist philosophy, i.e. the ideal personality, attainable by all beings due to their inborn potential for enlightenment. This from Wikipedia: "The Buddha nature does not represent a substantial self (ātman); rather, it is a positive language and expression of emptiness (śūnyatā)."
You would think I would know this by now. It was never as apparent as it is now. This difference between brain power and soul self-identification is not the same. I am discovering my soul anew because my power to use my brain to discover authenticity of my Ātman has increased (for more about the meaning of Ātman see below the reproduction of yesterday's drawing).
I used the Buddhist term above because the use of the word soul does not adequately fit my meaning. Ātman is an essence of things that do not depend on others; it is an intrinsic nature. In Buddhism this is NOT a good thing: In the Abhidharmapiṭaka, a treatise on metaphysics, the prime doctrine which allows pure Buddhist philosophy to successfully explain all phenomena is that all things happen with cause. Ātman is a conceptual attachment to oneself that promotes a belief that one is intrinsic and essential. This attachment further diverges one's route from the path to enlightenment and hence nirvāṇa, as all forms of attachment do.
I re-read yesterday's post, and re-reproduced two drawings shown in the post of 12/12/2012 (take a new look at Drawing-12·11·2012 #2 and Drawing-12·11·2012 #3). In yesterday's post I corrected some language, and in the post of 12/12/2012 I reproduced the drawings of 12/11/2012 from scratch (new photos were taken and Photoshop was used to adjust the new images). It seems I have been experimenting with language, reproduction of my art, approach to art-making, and my ideas. Rather than being confused I am on-task. I am following my impulses: doing research. Over time this method is the proper one and will result in better art.
Do I know what I'm doing? I am seeking an emotional and intellectual release by making images, i.e., as I work, I do not want to impose any restrictions, nor do I wish to impose a defined direction. In some ways this will definitely produce images which are almost embarrassing. Before making these images they were unknown to me, and now I question their genuineness and honesty. The appearance of these images causes me to question my deepest impulses.
Yesterday a new painting was begun. It is "Painting-12·13·2012" and its first state is immediately below.
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