How do I know if something is better than it was before I altered it? Sinking into mindfulness is the only way. Mindfulness means acceptance without criticism. My mini-abstract era was fine and dandy, but I am more than that. I require more than that. The world requires more than that. STOP! I must not denigrate my era of abstraction (or was it an era of non-representation?). It was not fear, nor confusion, that drove me to abstraction. It was a quest for more mindful compositions. I will not promise myself that I will not do it again. The journey I am on is not pre-defied. It is my journey. I have no knowledge of my next step. I am here and now. I am being as I step. I am being swept away by my inquiry into who and where and why I am. This journey is not about doing. Admiringly, I do the dishes, but I will not do art. The journey is most important. I must not confuse myself by defining the where or there I am going.
Yesterday's drawing is another look at the possibilities of the painting, Beloved. This drawing, as some of my drawing do, demanded time and a lot of marks. It took a while. But the today's post title is more about my acceptance that my current deciphering of "what's it all about" is not going quickly, and cannot go quickly.
You would think this is the way it ought-to-be, all-of-the-time, but it ain't! I am having to grow myself into accepting that there are no pre-conceptions. I just need to show up. Showing up means something happens. No plans. No rigid ideas. It is the simplicity of now. If this is simple, why does it feel nerve-wracking? Well, I am admitting I do not know what I am doing. Not knowing is emotionally difficult. It is thinking on my feet, rather than knowing the course of the river. What is around the bend? I do not know. I do not care. I just show up. I just do. It is a surprise. It is self-teaching at a level far deeper than a book of words. There are no words. From whence it comes has not been tabulated. Drawings from 06/14/2015, all are pencil on paper, 16X20 inches
Yesterday started with two small drawings. Then came painting. The painting started with the priority of changing the man's left arm. It took off from there. I moved between altering his arm, his head, his neck, and the block-like abstract form in the upper left quadrant. The man's new, improved, stronger arm, works better. As does his head, neck, and shoulders. In summation, my universal acceptance of three-dimensional forms as abstract forms can be seen right here, right now. In this painting, Leap, it is occurring everywhere, in every form. That which is known as arm, or fish, or head, or block, or stream of water, are all manifested as robust, three-dimensional, formal animators, of the composition. Drawings from 04/30/2015, each are 14X11 inches, pencil on paper
I am going as fast as I can. Often I wish my ability to decipher myself was a process more lucid and transparent. This process is one of unscrambling rather than encoding. It is all present, yet must be discovered. It is similar to the study of cosmology. The whole shebang is already present. It is my job to ascertain the best way to illustrate it. This idea of illustration brings me to the question of abstract versus concrete. Goodness knows artists have used both to express themselves deeply and well. Perhaps, I am thinking, there is a means to greater expression, one that utilizes both the abstract and the concrete. I admit, the terms abstract and concrete are a bit weird, and not as descriptive as required. Better I think than words is the confusion present in my new painting, The Leap. I named it after that object leaping over the barrier at the bottom of the painting, but the title is more than simple description of one illustrative form in the painting. What I can tell you is this: the concoction of this painting is more disclosure of personal origination than discovery of previously unknown concept.
So I am not posting every day now because I am getting to the studio early and don't always have the time or energy to post after the studio. But... the work is better! The energy in the studio is better! And, guess what!? A surprise! After viewing the reproduction of "Asparagus" (state 11) I realized the contrast between the central figure and the orange background was causing reproduction problems, which were indicative of actual painting problems. This is another reversal of fortune: The reproduction leads to change rather than the other way around! You can see the discussed reproduction (state 11) below. To its right is the reaction that enhanced the visual contrast (state 12). Yesterday's version is state 13 (above). Asparagus, States 11 & 12 During the same three days, represented by the three reproductions of Asparagus, I made the following three drawings. Drawings: 03·20·2015, 03·21·2015, 03·22·2015, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches 😃☞ Please remember, TO ENLARGE any reproduction CLICK on the reproduction!
Unusual and usual. Whatever! The 1, 2, 3 of getting it done is not dictated by an obviously rational order of things. Yet it gets done. There is the immediate and the distant, that which is obvious now and that which will become obvious after extended time and effort. Within the little I know, I know that the work I am doing now is more authentically mine than the work I was doing a month ago. I am becoming myself through work and time. Part of this becoming myself is not clearly work but more clearly acceptance. It is me giving up the fight to come up to the standards set by the masters. It is me accepting my own innate standards, which are surprisingly new and different than anything I know through education and observation. I am, to my surprise, something that has never existed before.
Yes, this one appears done, finished! This painting is an amazing gateway of visual possibilities. Opportunities abound. I am deeply feeling a need to examine undeveloped ideas. My drawings also exhibit this crack, where the light of insight is pouring in. Another surprise: I am thinking that all my works are now asking for titles. This indicates there is a commencement of ideas which declares my restrictions of a few months ago as alien. Untitled Drawings-02·11·2015 Nos. 1, 2, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches
Untitled Drawings-02·10·2015 Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches Yesterday my time in the studio was limited. Today I wish to bring with me my new feeling that value contrast can enhance the expressiveness of my painting. Right now I am referring to my recent painting, Untitled Painting-01·06·2015. Slowly I have been increasing its value contrast, and I believe it is better for it. For quite a while my drawings have exhibited the usefulness of contrast, not just in value, but also in scale and in form. Going to abstraction in my painting has me more aware of the expressive importance of value contrast.
Untitled Drawings-01·27·2015, Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches Please look at everything! Yesterday was a wondrous and eventful day in the studio. The middle section of my studio-time was give to the portrait drawing shown below. It was a revelation in the making — it was controlled expression! I sustained sensitivity and feeling throughout its creation. In the past I had not been able to maintain expressive energy throughout the making of a drawing as complex as this one. If anything sums up yesterday's insight it is this: the use of contrast to animate forms. This is most apparent in the portrait drawing. It followed me into the painting. However, after finishing Drawing #4, my remaining time in the studio was limited. This insight did not have enough time to be fully expressed in the painting.
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April 2024
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