You may have noticed. I have not made as much work as I usually make. My output has been less. My thought processes has been more. Is this totally conscious thinking? No! It is here and now preparation in search of truth and consequences. Slowly it unravels within me, and slowly it will be revealed outside of me; it is bounding into the physical world through my painting and my drawing. A couple days ago I purchased new paper and new canvas; the need for these materials is instigated by revolution within me. I am not going to sit tight with what I have. In my wish to be revealed I am on a journey that is my personal self-conquest. The difficulty is being true to myself as forces impinge upon me; I am mortal; I live in glory but am touched with fear that mortality lends to every moment. I feel rushed to get it all done, but know rushing the flow of internalization of ideas is foolhardy; making thoughts into real objects must not be forced into rapidity. Failure is not an option. When mortality succeeds I want to go with the comfort that I have accomplished self-knowing.
Yesterday's drawing is a wonder of spontaneity and security. It felt true then, it feels true now. It also began with a reflection upon an old photo of the Twin Tower disaster of 9/11/2001. I have a photo of a bent piece of metal from one of the towers pasted on the wall of my studio. This photo shows metal remains being exhibited in a news conference. I must have placed it there in 2002. This unusually shaped metal object looks like a great piece of sculpture to me. It obviously touches me deeply. I began yesterday's drawing by accepting the profound effect this photo of this piece of one of the Twin Towers has on me; it must be relevant to my personal self-knowing; it is important to recognize this object as true to my journey in self-revelation. Noticing this truth, accepting this truth, is important. The importance is in the seeing, then in the accepting, an object in the external world as true to my psychic need to self-express. I will do more of this.
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