Perhaps growth and development is bent and strange and circular, like space-time warped within our intellectual, emotional cavity. Several times I have seen space-time, and time travel, described like a piece of paper that can be folded back upon itself. My mind seems to work this way too. I return, I warp, but always perceive myself as moving forward.
I began a new painting yesterday. This is "2016 No.17". It does not feel revolutionary, but happily summative. That which I know is realized. This is me sitting pretty. I think I am accepting the place I am right now. In getting to know myself I have realized this: My pleasure in knowing something won't last long. I will enjoy it while I can. I believe this painting will spill from me like water from an overfilled pitcher. I am releasing tension, the over-filled container that I am, by simply doing, nice and easy. The work shown today was done two days ago. I have been distracted by the failure of an automobile. Yes, I am without a car in New Hampshire. The everyday life of things can remove one from the everyday life of the self. This thing that has failed literally drives me. It must be taken care of. This "taking care" removes me from the here and now. To decisively go forward I am required to take time, planning, money, and thought.
The work shown today is good. Both the drawing and the painting are exploring the centering of a form. These compositions have been built around a central form. My wife, she said to me, "I could have seen a circle there." Not me. My world demands a three-dimensional form, not a two-dimensional circle. So I am not posting every day now because I am getting to the studio early and don't always have the time or energy to post after the studio. But... the work is better! The energy in the studio is better! And, guess what!? A surprise! After viewing the reproduction of "Asparagus" (state 11) I realized the contrast between the central figure and the orange background was causing reproduction problems, which were indicative of actual painting problems. This is another reversal of fortune: The reproduction leads to change rather than the other way around! You can see the discussed reproduction (state 11) below. To its right is the reaction that enhanced the visual contrast (state 12). Yesterday's version is state 13 (above). Asparagus, States 11 & 12 During the same three days, represented by the three reproductions of Asparagus, I made the following three drawings. Drawings: 03·20·2015, 03·21·2015, 03·22·2015, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches 😃☞ Please remember, TO ENLARGE any reproduction CLICK on the reproduction!
I did not count the marks, 1, 2, 3... a million. But I do know that it took the entire studio session to make today's drawing. Yes, this blog post is different. I am posting on the day of the drawing, not the day after. This new methodology feels right. I had hoped to get to painting but it did not happen. I had the energy to stick with solving the nitty gritty problems of this drawing as I encountered all kinds of strangeness. Getting out to studio immediately after the acts of waking and nourishment is energizing. The limit to my work is the limit of my ideas. That is exactly the description that defines today's drawing.
I feel my fortune of ideas is getting the short shrift. I have not been managing my time well! My artistic ideas are getting curt treatment. I have been spending my early mornings in front of the computer, doing what I am doing right now. First I use Photoshop to prepare publication-ready images of the art I created the day before. Then I write my blog. While here I look at my email, do other daily organizing tasks, then eat breakfast. It is late morning by the time I get to the studio. This schedule results in some of my best and brightest energy being used up. That is wrong. Energy is like a reservoir. It is limited in depth and width. I am reversing this poorly chosen manner of living by writing this blog now, at the end of my creative day, rather than at the beginning.
During the last several years I believe it benefitted me to write the blog just prior to my going to the studio. It was a way to assess the previous day's work. It allowed me to question myself and the validity of each day's work just prior to making it again. I do not need this any longer. My manner of making art has changed. There is no need to assess yesterday's work because I invent and create in front of today's work. I no longer need to contemplate that which has happened to prepare myself for that which is happening. I am becoming my obvious self. I no longer feel confused. I just want to stand up and sing. I want to revel in the moment of creating, dwelling in the surprise of the art I am making! Tomorrow morning I will wake up, get my coffee, have my breakfast, then be out the door to the studio within an hour! My best energy will be with me! I was feeling lethargic and tired. There were two things that had soaked up my energy: my worries and concerns about being swept away by Jury Duty, and the painting Asparagus. This was followed by my worrying about my low energy level! Then came a plumbing failure, which is making our house active with workmen. There are other distractions too. But yesterday I did get into the studio to produce the excellent drawing I show you today. It flowed from me with sensitivity and finesse. Something like this, a drawing that flows easily and well, must indicate a return of real energy, mental and physical. I think it important that I use my drawing as a gauge of my true energy level. I should acknowledge the ease, or difficulty, that is reflected in my drawing. Accepting this as indicator of true energy is much better than the alternative. The alternative is me worrying that I have low energy, then fighting against the need of rest.
I'm off Jury Duty for the next two weeks! Then it starts again. The good news is... I eked out a little time in the studio. Later today I will be returning to the studio. Tomorrow I will get a full day in studio. The drawing shown today must be my reaction to this process of not knowing.
I am reeling from the hour, or more, that I worked on the photographic reproduction of the painting shown today. The subtlety of the actual work is not there. I could not find a way to get it there. There is something impassible that prevents authentic repercussion of a man-made piece of art. You have to see it to know it. There is no other way. Thus the reasons for museums and art galleries. Do not trust reproductions on the web! They are informative, but vastly inadequate.
I find myself low on creative energy. I do not know if I will return to art-making today. I may take a day of recovery. However, I fear a day of recovery may take me away for longer than a day. Tomorrow I will be informed of my instructions in regards to my call to jury duty. Instructions will be given for the next two weeks. This "call-in" procedure will take place on the first and third Mondays of the next two months. I will keep you informed as to my art-making schedule. All I can say is confusion. My work is going well. I will leave it with reluctance. My call to duty must be obeyed. I am feeling confused around the edges. I have been called to jury duty, beginning next week. It feels like my life has lost a bit of its freedom. My passion to freely explore is the main reason I chose art as a career and life-style. I have no idea how the jury system works, but I will be on-call for two months, March and April. I tell you this without too many details because it is the psychological effect of my not being totally in charge of my time that is already affecting my art. While in process, the drawings shown today felt this confusion. I show Drawing #2 first because its candor more obviously shows my confusion. Drawing #1 exhibits a loss of center, as I fall back to drawing a couple, which I am apt to do when I do not clearly feel the ground beneath my art-making impetus. I am hoping the Court System is kind to me and does not take me far away from the art I am in the process of making. I truly feel that I am currently tapping into a wellspring of personally soulful content. My reluctance to give up my daily work, in lieu of my obligation to the government, is weighing on me. I do not want to dwell on this too much. I will do that which I must do, because I do not have a choice. It's like death and taxes.
Untitled Drawings-02·08·2015 Nos. 1, 2, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches Compositional play is so important to me that today I continue to show the drawings in "Gallery" format, despite there being only two. This allows you to get the compositional impact first, then, if you choose, you can CLICK upon a reproduction to see it in full screen.
About today's title, I need to explain something to my readers about my artistic development. Twenty-seven years ago I was an artist making Three-Dimentional Abstractions that were getting a lot of notice and critical praise (see some of these at MEHRBACH.com). But I was not making enough money to support myself and my family. I had to go to work. I taught for 22 years. Those years interrupted my natural development as an artist. They were years of happiness, of personal learning, but also of frustration. I grew as a person, but Looking back, the depth of my artistic knowledge seems to have grown slowly, or not at all. I now have enough freedom to, day after day, be in the studio. The last four and a half years have increased my artistic knowledge. I am feeling more competent now than I have for many years. Day-to-day work is necessary to unravel the confusion that is me. My optimism is increasing with every day of self-discovery. I can do this, and perhaps I can get to making the work I was born to make. Time is limited. Loss of time is my biggest fear. I work like an athlete, in my life and in the studio. If I am to succeed, health is primary. |
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
March 2024
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