The unpleasant reality of being an artist is living one lifetime is not enough. I am getting there. I am becoming more true to myself. This process of self-becoming is slow and steady, punctuated by insights, but devoid of a grand insight that rocks me out of my current reality. I am looking for a reality closer to bottom-line truth. Will I perceive it when I see? I believe I will. I do believe in the old aphorism, "I'll know it when I see it!"
Bottom-line knowing is impossible. This is not a reason to give up. I know I am getting closer than ever. My struggle feels right and good. I am getting closer, step by unknown step. I accept my lack of knowing; it is the process that unravels deeper knowing. Knowing is an unfathomable task, but it is also a necessary journey of trust, one I continue because of reward, failure, and success.
Yesterday's drawing has a lot of smarts to it. It questions the management of the page, at least in the manner I was managing the page in many previous drawings and paintings. There is no touch of the ground above the forms, yet the viewer can perceive the ground. Vincent Van Gogh, Paul Cézanne, and Charles Burchfield would be disturbed by this lack of touch, but not Philip Guston.
(Kudos to Mark, my friend who reminded me to look again at Charles Burchfield.)
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