Today's title is self-encouragement. I am acknowledging my technical ability to do all that I wish. This is nerve-racking, frightening, intimidating, and, if I let it be so, unnerving. I will not let it unnerve me. Courage is important. When a door opens there is a mystery on the other side. A choice must be made. Rest where one is, or proceed. To be a true artist one must proceed into the darkness to see the light. Yesterday I looked at a lot of Picasso's work. Through his work you can see him proceed into the darkness; you can see Picasso finding, always finding. OK. It is my time to do the same.
A Note about Reproduction: I am disturbed by the inaccuracy of the reproductions of the drawings shown today, particularly the one above this note. The subtlety of art is badly missed in electronic and digitized reproduction. Photography is not any better. I encourage you to see real art.
I feel like the upside down man in yesterday's first drawing (above). I am missing clarity in the very reason I make art. I believe this has to do with getting my work "out there". It is time for me to communicate and interact with more than myself. This means it is time for me to actively seek a substantial and important venue for exhibition of my work. When I accept and understand this I will prepare my work as one prepares a speech to be given in public. This is something I need.
There is no such thing as normalcy. But I try. I am rebounding from last week's tremendous amount of distraction and the scattering of my energy on folderol. So returning to proper focus is desirable and needed. Yesterday's drawings were very helpful in bringing me back out of the cold.
As usual I show yesterday's drawing today. It is today that was long & busy. Tomorrow I will have nothing to show, so there will be no blog post tomorrow. However, I will have much artistic and creative energy tomorrow, stored away, as it is, because of today's distractions.
I need a day to step back and look at the state of my recent and incomplete paintings (i.e. those in progress). I am ready to move on — I will stretch a new canvas today. I will not abandon the three paintings in progress, but move on I must. I believe I am assembling an exhibition. When I reach the twelfth recently completed painting I will know it is time for a one-man show again.
Every day I am surprised. Bone jarring it is, but not the kind that worries or harms. Instead I am excited and amused.
You are watching, and I am watching, a revolution. It is my personal revolution, but no one, not even I, knows where it will take us.
I know I am tired. I slept nine hours last night. This exhaustion is a reaction to a recent insight. Insights require much energy to be made physical. Exhaustion is a result of the physicality of transforming an insight into material expression. Please look at all three images posted today. Please note that these images represent an expressive, emotional, intellectual insight transformed into material representation.
It is the hand sticking up on the upper right that informs me. The rest is just there. Some forms are expressed better than other forms. Some forms are expressed well, and others more poorly. Within all of this it is the hand with the cherry balanced on its index finger which speaks volumes to me. Yes, it is about volume. It is also about compositional motion, emotional expression, and the minor elements of form playing against, and with, the major form. The man's nose goes to hell. This brings me to a regret. I feel I have failed to bring the level of expression found in this hand into my heads. Compare the man's head to his raised hand! The minor forms of his head do not play with the major form nearly as well as the form-play occurs in the hand. Insights come slowly, but they do come because i return, over and over, relentlessly, to the same problem. As usual, I wish I was faster. However, I must admit there is joy in the process. Problem solving rewards one small insight at a time. I know where today's studio time will begin.
The life of a painting is something to behold. That's probably why I write this blog. I am surprised at the turn this painting took yesterday. I had to work myself through nine previous states of it to get here. During those transitions I often wondered, "Is all this effort going anywhere?" I admit now (which, before today, I dared not write aloud), there were days I looked at this painting and thought it was not up to my standards. I thought, "This is failing." I have lept far away from that desperate feeling with this state #10. In yesterday's blog post I wrote of a drawing which seemed to "fall out of the sky." Yesterday's change in "Painting-12·13·2012" hit me in the same way, by surprise, as if the stuff found in the drawing posted yesterday landed in this painting. That "stuff" is knowledge acquired becoming intuition in action.
Within this discussion, of painting as discovery, is an answer to the question, "Why not title your paintings and drawings?" Because, while I am working I don't know where they are going or what they mean. In a sense I am the ultimate "abstract painter." For me it is all about process. The meaning takes care of itself. After all, meaning springs from the life within. (BTW: the dictionary definition of "abstract" is... "existing in thought or as an idea but not having a physical or concrete existence.")
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