 Drawing 01·17·2021, pencil on paper, 18x24 inches  "In the Lost Negative" (2021 No.2, state 1), oil on canvas, 49¾ x58½ inches {We only live between before we are and what we were. In the lost negative you exist... Three ages in a flash: the same child in the same picture, he, I, you..." - Robert Lowell, "For Sheridan"} These is a change in me. I am more clear on one fact: clarity of purpose is tantamount. When I was a young painter I felt great satisfaction in finding reaction of space and form to one another within the rectangles that are drawings and paintings. Somehow I misplaced that most deep concern, replacing it with the quality of my draftsmanship. Here I am in my objective, becoming young again, These two works, shown today, are a self-call to justice. Be clear, be oneself, return and renew! As Robert Lowell wrote, "Three ages in a flash: the same child in the same picture, he, I, you..." FOR SHERIDAN - Robert Lowell  Drawing 10·04·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 10·04·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches The drawings I show today are very good. Today I am also looking at "now" and at "then". Today I posted one more of the many paintings and wall sculptures I made from 1987 through 1991 (see CATALOGUE RAISONNÉ 1987-91). Amazing to me is the quality and scope of the work I did during those formative years of my artistic career. Below I show the work I posted on my CATALOGUE RAISONNÉ today. My journey is endless; I shall journey as long as I can pick up my tools and do my work.  "Stretch & Bag", oil/cloth/plaster/wood, 60x70x6inches, 1991  Drawing 03·22·2020 (state 2), pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  "Something Else Entirely" (2019 No.4, state 26), oil on canvas, 38.5x62.5 inches {"And you’d spend years trying to decipher the sentence, until finally you’d understand it. But after a while you’d realize you got it wrong, and the sentence meant something else entirely." - Tadeusz Dąbrowski, from the poem "Sentence"} I have written about Leo Tolstoy's "Great Man Theory." I called it Tolstoy's theory, but that is not correct. I called it Tolstoy's Great Man Theory because it is to Tolstoy's ideas that I subscribe. Tolstoy's "War and Peace" features criticism of Thomas Carlyle's Great Man Theory. According to Tolstoy, the significance of great individuals is imaginary; as a matter of fact they are only history's slaves realizing the decree of Providence. I do not believe in the Great Man Theory of Thomas Carlyle. Carlyle originated the idea that History is created by individual Heroes. This is idiocy! Carlyle's Theory cannot describe the rise of Adolf Hitler; Post World War I German society called for a bombastic man, a man full of hate. Hitler was not a Great Man, but Hitler did force every culture, in every nation, to change! History, like science, like my art, takes a step backward for every two steps forward. Our society is in the midst of a step backward, but soon our society will take two steps forward. I am watching our nation's Republican leadership fade into History; they will soon be replaced by their betters. Pandemics will be better handled; Global Warming will be tackled. Our society is living through a confused time. Almost half our population believes there is this man who will fix our problems; they made him President — nothing says confusion clearer than that! For my part, I am divorcing myself from it. There is no such thing as a Great Man. There are smart men, men who see and understand the intelligence of the most balanced of us. These men advance the ideas of us who wish to run society based upon ideas known through intelligent and realistic thought. For instance, science tells us Global Warming is a problem; most people believe this; most people see the world correctly. We have a President of the United States who does not believe Global Warming is a problem. We have a President who believes the Coved-19 cure is worse than the disease; he says we should ignore the Covid-19 outbreak after Easter Sunday 2020. Science tells us otherwise. I am the product of the time in which I live. I am expressing myself by stepping forward. The body of knowledge I have been given is my stepping-off point. This knowledge is helping me express my perception of here and now. You can see this in the work I show today. BTW: The paintng, "Something Else Entirely" is in State 26, but this state took only one small stroke of paint to move to this much more satisfactory conclusion. Little things do matter! Thomas Carlyle stated that "The history of the world is but the biography of great men", reflecting his belief that heroes shape history through both their personal attributes and divine inspiration. In his book "On Heroes, Hero-Worship and the Heroic in History," Carlyle saw history as having turned on the decisions, works, ideas, and characters of “heroes".  "Sentence" (2019 No.4, state 10), oil on canvas, 38.5x62.5 inches {"And you’d spend years trying to decipher the sentence, until finally you’d understand it. But after a while you’d realize you got it wrong, and the sentence meant something else entirely." - Tadeusz Dąbrowski, from the poem "Sentence"} I can feel more than I can see. Yes, you can see the alterations I made to the painting, "Sentence". The changes are great and wonderful, but they are not as starkly in revolt as I know intuitionally inside myself. I am welling up, like a water ballon on verge of explosion. But, I am loyal too. Taking on a civil war is difficult for me. I want change. I need to rebel against my establishment, but the rebellion cannot happen instantaneously; that is not the way I am. I act with discomfort and allegiance. The two are not incompatible. I have a past, I have a future. Both must be understood. I am the caretaker of both. The future does not divulge itself without its past. The past is full of deeds — some successes, some failures — ALL informative. The ALL drives me into the knowing required to act well, right here, right now.
 Drawing 08·24·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Things must change! I am well educated; thus I am well tied to past knowledge. This restricts me because knowledge is the stuff that came before me. I am uncomfortable because the past does not adequately inform my present. I am not those who came before me. I am me. I am here, I am now. That which has happened is useful, like a good diving board, but it does not fully clarify who I am. Education is who and what there was, not who and what I am. I do not want to be redundant. I do not want to be repetitive. I want to be myself.
In yesterday's drawing I stopped myself before I overwhelmed it with past history. I require radical alteration. I accept my despair. I have made great art, but my art is in the books, my art is in this blog; my past art appeared like fungus on a log; it grew from art history and personal history. That is not good enough! It does not make me. It does not represent me. It represents acquisition of all that has come before.  Drawing 05·14·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Tonight at 5:30pm I give a Gallery Talk at AVA Gallery. Yesterday and today I have been preparing. I have assembled a slide show of works; this was extremely instructive. I have been given a gift of speaking about myself for an hour! The slide show illustrates my artistic development, from pre-student days until today.
I made the drawing you see here during the last couple of days. I continue to be distracted by preparation for my exhibits. It is intruding on my artistic investigations. I have been drawing, but not painting. I relish contemplation of my current ideas and my current art. In writing today I am trying to convince myself there are merits to looking back. Looking back is preparation for being now. The process of becoming an artist is not a straight line, nor is it filled with assurance and confidence. It is questioning everything created. Along the way there is insight, exhilaration, and depression. I very much forward to being an everyday artist again. I delight in the simplicity of going to the studio, working through my many ideas. This will not occur again until mid-June of this year.  Drawing 08·01·2017, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Historically the latter days of summer, late July thru August, have seen me more contemplative than me sparking fresh ideas. This appears to be true in yesterday's work. First I made a new drawing (above), then I did a little fix to Drawing 07.27·2017 No.2 (below). Rarely do I go back and contemplate drawings from my past. I did yesterday. This is the mood I am in. I believe this is a gathering of energy and information prior to my next big creative period.  Drawing 07·27·2017 No.2 (state 2), pencil on paper, 20x16 inches   Wild 3D (1990), and Tele-Vision (2015), both oil on canvas The more things change the more they remain the same. Twenty-five years separate the creation of the paintings reproduced above, yet they have remarkable similarities. I am not going to make art for the next 12 days. Instead, I am going to spend my time mulling over the current state of my work, its efficacy, its derivative history (both internal and external), and my ongoing mission to make it relevant to myself and to you, my viewers.
  Drawings of 7/16/2015, both 20X16 inches, pencil on paper I have been unable to get into the studio for a few days, but I am back today. The drawings shown today are 6 days old, reminding us of where I am.
 Drawing-06·04·2015, pencil on paper, 16X20 inches I am not sure of the exact meaning of yesterday's drawing, posted above, but it could be two of me. The left guy is erect, confident, with large, open hands; he is strong and ready to go. The right guy is leaning back, leaning away, head sideways; he appears fragile with his small, closed hands. The right guy definitely lacks confidence. I am feeling very good about my artistic development. I will never be fully satisfied, but I am relishing the journey. I believe, for the first time, that I have gathered the necessary tools to do whatever needs to be done. I have reached a high degree of mastery. I have confidence I can achieve that which I can conceive. Through my art I want to interact with the world. This blog exists because I want to communicate. However, this blog's limitations are obvious. Therefore, I accept the necessity to engage in the business of art. I need to get my art out there, into venues that may be seen by those who are emotionally engaged in the visual arts. I also wish to make my art accessible to all and everyone. This brings me to today. In the past I have had many exhibitions, shown my work in important galleries, and been juried into competitive shows. During the past four years I have stepped back from that sort of engagement and I have been writing this blog, exhibiting my work here. Late last year I began to feel the need to step back into the brick and mortar world of gallery exhibitions. I put out a few feelers and applied to several juried competitions. Nothing happened. Call it rejection. So, today I begin to think as a businessman who happens to have visual art as his product. Every Friday I am going to devote time to this effort. Today is Friday.
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
February 2021
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