Yep, I am still dealing with a failed car: Sucking life energy from me it is. Yesterday I did get some time in the studio. You probably do not relish reading about my preoccupation with distraction, my complaints, so I will stop now. Please, look at the drawings. Forget me.
This is difficult for me. I have to accept this: I live in a place, in a time, when I need an automobile. Today I seek to solve that problem. No studio time today. The drawing I show today is from two days ago. It is a good one. I am surprised at my own abilities. The weird is this: I want to be an island but I need to be a continent. I need myself, I need people. The automobile is a bridge from myself to the people I need. It must be solved, just as my art must be solved. The weirdness is the blurring of priorities. Of course, my making-art is most important. It feeds my soul. The automobile is required to feed me too, food and more. The automobile allows me to interact with people beyond my isolated life in my studio.
The work shown today was done two days ago. I have been distracted by the failure of an automobile. Yes, I am without a car in New Hampshire. The everyday life of things can remove one from the everyday life of the self. This thing that has failed literally drives me. It must be taken care of. This "taking care" removes me from the here and now. To decisively go forward I am required to take time, planning, money, and thought.
The work shown today is good. Both the drawing and the painting are exploring the centering of a form. These compositions have been built around a central form. My wife, she said to me, "I could have seen a circle there." Not me. My world demands a three-dimensional form, not a two-dimensional circle.
Playing the fool is admirable if it produces surprise and wonder coupled with actual and substantial self-discovery. At least, that is my thesis for today. Self-discovery hopefully leads to self-knowledge. In other words, I am jumping into artistic territory I do not fully comprehend. This is necessary, but it also yells at me to be cautious. So I ask, "Am I squandering? Am I misspending, frittering away my time-limited life?" I am going to go with, "No!" For now, this feels the right answer.
Yesterday's painting, and yesterday's drawing, play with color, space, texture, form, and space. Both are light filled renditions with three-dimensional spatial definition. Production relied upon my intuitive feel in utilizing the commonly defined "Elements of Art". I am not going to question my success or failure. This is me, the fool jumping in. Working this way does feel exhilarating to me, despite my lacking full intellectual understanding. Perhaps, by writing this, I am being a fool. After all, isn't the manner of work I describe here the normal artistic process? It is researching possible solutions without bias.
It does not really look like mayhem; perhaps upheaval is a better word to describe that which I feel. The stuff I am producing has order, but each surprises me like a riot in my mind. It is better for me to approach without intent than to plan and to organize prior to execution. The odd idea here is the precision of attack is deceptive. This painting, and these drawings, look organized, premeditated. They are not! When murder is committed the question is asked, is it one of passion or one calculated and preplanned. Well, my work has become the former, not the latter. The problem with writing this is the problem of being. I am stuck with who I am, so no matter how much effort I make to remain open to the chaos of discovery, behold the stuff I produce is about me. Personal psyche, ego, id, cannot be escaped! According to Sigmund Freud, the super-ego is the critical and moralizing portion of psyche that can stop one from doing certain things one wishes to do. I am trying to subjugate my super-ego! Of course, my self-analysis is inaccurately Freudian, but I hope I get across my point. I am trying to find my mythological origins, as abstractly disorganized as they are. I am seeking to find images which sing the border between chaos and order, between living and death.
At a certain point in Van Morrison's career he began to use many colloquial sayings in his songs, all clichés. That is exactly what I did with today's title. Today's title does not quite fit my place in time, but it does fit my mood. I am in a hurry. I have not been consistently in the studio for two weeks. So here I am. Back! I feel strong. I believe the work is somewhat in the place I left off before my absence. I accept this, so let me get technical. Both the new painting, and yesterday's drawing, are filled with light. Compositionally they are complex (I worry: too complex?). The artifice of three-dimensional space is in both, but the play with, and against, that artifice is new. Notice the box in the upper left corner of the drawing. It does mimic 3D space, but the diagonal that crosses it questions the validity of that 3D artifice. This play, with and against the artifice, occurs throughout the drawing. This is new for me. I have read recently about studies examining the effects of taking a vacation, away from one's normal activity. One important consequence: Upon return from a vacation one's creativity skyrockets. I firmly believe this to be true. Every time I come back from an absence, of one or two weeks my work takes a creative jump. Yes, I also firmly believe in consistency of effort in order to achieve profundity in one's endeavor. In other words, in order to achieve the highest level of creative solutions there is a balance between strong, consistent, daily effort and mitigating rest.
I feel like quoting the song, "There ain't no sunshine when she's gone." That's all I got. I have been doing stuff. Like changing my website host and my email host. You won't notice much. I hope you noticed my absence. I feel better. There has been other drama in my life as well, stuff in my personal relationships and in my studio space. Still, the only consequence was me being gone, me coming back, and the sunshine returning to here and now.
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