 "Silence, Exile, and Cunning" (2022 No.1, state 13), oil on canvas, 48x57 inches, {"I will not serve that in which I no longer believe whether it call itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use, silence, exile, and cunning." - James Joyce (1882-1941), "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" (1916)} Many years ago, my first mentor in drawing and painting, Seymour Leichman, said to me, "The Brain is a muscle. Work on your drawing, work on your painting, your work will make your brain stronger, more able to do the most difficult tasks you ask of it." It is happening. My brain has become more able to sustain the difficult work of making complete works of art. This is particularly obvious in my last two paintings, "Silence, Exile, and Cunning” and "Four Definitions”.
 "Four Definitions" (2022 No.2, state 04), oil on canvas, 58⅝x54⅝ inches, {"I am reminded of four definitions: A Radical is a man with both feet firmly planted—in the air. A Conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. A Reactionary is a somnambulist walking backwards. A Liberal is a man who uses his legs and his hands at the behest—at the command—of his head." -Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945), radio address to "New York Herald Tribune Forum", 26 October 1939} This process of art-making constantly surprises. It surprises me I trust my instincts enough to allow them to take over the process. Step by step this painting is going somewhere, where I do not know. I do know it feels very good to have the confidence to trust my knowhow when the painting calls for an alteration.
 "Four Definitions" (2022 No.2, state 03), oil on canvas, 58⅝x54⅝ inches, {"I am reminded of four definitions: A Radical is a man with both feet firmly planted—in the air. A Conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. A Reactionary is a somnambulist walking backwards. A Liberal is a man who uses his legs and his hands at the behest—at the command—of his head." -Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945), radio address to "New York Herald Tribune Forum", 26 October 1939} The mystery in becoming myself is the work I must do. It surprises me that it is difficult. Becoming who I was born to be is a journey, a journey back to childhood. It is journey to acceptance. Acceptance of joyful instincts found there, discovered in my awakening days. I am thinking about the instincts that made me feel wonderful. I remember feeling great exhilaration in certain, defined discoveries. This is real, this is the existence I was born into, how wonderful it is! My work today is fashioning those joyful remembrances of things instinctually joyfully into something real.
Here I am, doing it. I find enormous clarity in my newest painting, "Four Definitions”. This surprises me: In making this painting I am greatly enjoying following personal instincts! The joy is my ability to actually make those instincts real. The reality is the painting that sits in front of me. Its reality gives me great satisfaction. I enjoy its simplest successes. For instance, I love the shadow cast by that form on the bottom right.  "Silence, Exile, and Cunning" (2022 No.1, state 12), oil on canvas, 48x57 inches, {"I will not serve that in which I no longer believe whether it call itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use, silence, exile, and cunning." - James Joyce (1882-1941), "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" (1916)} This is better than Cherry Pie. I am taking myself to heart; this means I am accepting, I am embracing my whims, my frailty, my inconsistencies, my worries, my propensities, my failures, and my successes, This is not easy for me. I am a colossally confusing entity. I want, I need, I chase, I emote. Taken as a package, I am not easy to manage. It is not easy to get along with myself. I am often uncomfortable; I failure often, which is difficult to accept. My successes must be recognized. I am learning to recognize my successes as important documents, notes to myself. These notes enumerate things important to embrace, to make mine. My acceptance of successes will lead me past my failures. I am on a journey to better, more righteous fields.
Yesterday I took "Silence, Exile, and Cunning” a big step toward acceptance of me. I hung in there through many small failures on my journey to make it more mine, to make it succeed for me.  Drawing 03·22·2022, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am looking for truth and its consequences. I want every mark to count. I want every mark to add to my emotional depth, to add to the emotional depth of my art. This is non-verbal; I recognize true when I see it. I am a visual artist because of the simultaneity of my feeling and my seeing. It is through seeing that I know. My seeing is astute, well developed over years of self-education. Education is testing, looking for truth. Education is failures and successes, weeding out failure, allowing only success to remain. I have other senses. My other senses are not as well developed as my seeing. I recognized truth when it appears in front of my eyes.
 "Four Definitions" (2022 No.2, state 02), oil on canvas, 58⅝x54⅝ inches, {"I am reminded of four definitions: A Radical is a man with both feet firmly planted—in the air. A Conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. A Reactionary is a somnambulist walking backwards. A Liberal is a man who uses his legs and his hands at the behest—at the command—of his head." -Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945), radio address to "New York Herald Tribune Forum", 26 October 1939} My life, as artist, has been complicated by my desire to rebel against everything I know. After many years of art-making, I am ready to accept classicism; classicism as practiced by Picasso, Matisse, by many modern masters. I have decided to stop my rebelliousness. I see my work, when most rebellious, is confusing to viewers, to myself. I want, I need, to make art easy to see, easy to understand, easy for viewers to feel what I feel during its making.
 "Four Definitions" (2022 No.2, state 01), oil on canvas, 58⅝x54⅝ inches, {"I am reminded of four definitions: A Radical is a man with both feet firmly planted—in the air. A Conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. A Reactionary is a somnambulist walking backwards. A Liberal is a man who uses his legs and his hands at the behest—at the command—of his head." -Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945), radio address to "New York Herald Tribune Forum", 26 October 1939}  "Silence, Exile, and Cunning" (2022 No.1, state 11), oil on canvas, 48x57 inches, {"I will not serve that in which I no longer believe whether it call itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use, silence, exile, and cunning." - James Joyce (1882-1941), "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" (1916)} New painting, "Four Definitions", and a slight betterment for "Silence, Exile, and Cunning".
 Drawing 03·15·2022, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Hide and seek, real or not, never easy to find; yet, here I come.
 Drawing 03·11·2022, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches If you wish to criticize me, please do! Just call me dogged, relentless, a pain in the ass to those who wish simple and easy. Here I am, still at it, imperfect. This drawing is exceptional. Imperfectly a step toward wrapping together emotional balance and imbalance.
 Drawing 03·10·2022, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches My drawings are deeply felt, deeply known, full of straightforward seek and find. The amazing part is the finding; it takes hours and many marks. The drawing falls out in front of me, like a great game of chess: strategy, bluster, and resolution!
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
November 2024
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