Doing this, making art, every day, is leading to loss of concern. I am giving up my tendency to overthink. It is being replaced with simplicity of action. Self-discovery is not simple. It is an iterative process which insists the intuition function without worry.
As if this Holiday Season isn't confusing enough — enter our house an odor so foul. Certainly from a mouse who got lost. I did not find him. Looking for him, cleaning up after him, took my day away. I am telling you this because there will be no post tomorrow.
Yesterday's drawings were instructive and important. I believe them to be high in quality. I also believe they are a prelude to my next painting. I feel I am in a funnel, rolling around, falling toward more accurate ideas. Through effort the solutions are more and more authentic. Clarification and authenticity are products of experiment after experiment.
I have been distracted by the demands of western culture's Holiday Season. It does not feel right. I have so many ideas, but my time has been limited by what, celebration? I want to live long and prosper. Perhaps I complain too much.
Perhaps growth and development is bent and strange and circular, like space-time warped within our intellectual, emotional cavity. Several times I have seen space-time, and time travel, described like a piece of paper that can be folded back upon itself. My mind seems to work this way too. I return, I warp, but always perceive myself as moving forward.
I began a new painting yesterday. This is "2016 No.17". It does not feel revolutionary, but happily summative. That which I know is realized. This is me sitting pretty. I think I am accepting the place I am right now. In getting to know myself I have realized this: My pleasure in knowing something won't last long. I will enjoy it while I can. I believe this painting will spill from me like water from an overfilled pitcher. I am releasing tension, the over-filled container that I am, by simply doing, nice and easy.
I could not help myself — I had to draw the fish — I see the blue spaces between the rounded forms as deep water. Will the fish survive future revisions? I think it will. I give myself permission to be cute within the context of abstraction. Of course, I question the effect of this representation within abstraction. Is it OK? Do I confuse the formal and the emotive messages I am trying to convey? There are more questions than answers. Perhaps I am unable to answer my questions well. After all, I am throwing out, into the public eye, possibilities, not definitions. At least that is true with this painting, "2016 No.16". This necessitates my continuing to make art. Answers do not come quickly, but (I believe) through effort and trial (success and failure), I will sort this out.
Yesterday's drawings confuse me. They are not cute. I find them ugly. Ugly is emotive. This is self-analysis regarding the means I use to bring value to my art. Ugly or cute, unappealing or lovable, let's call the whole thing OK.
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