These drawings are questions. I do not claim them answers. Drawings like these are me wondering if my internal workings can make sense of my external world. What if I can't? I am declaring my efforts are more important than doing nothing.
I am poking myself with images not seen before. This is me in search of me.
I will never be done. I like the painting, "Arena", but I am disquieted by it as well. This unease drives my anxiousness. I cannot get all my ideas into one painting, nor can I ever say, "This completely makes sense to me!" Everything I do is a test. After each test I know better; that does not mean I am closer to a completely true answer. Every answer in incomplete. I will continue on my investigative journey, a quest without an end.
My major artistic struggle right now is staying open to instinctive possibilities. If I touch success I discover grandness of light on forms and between forms. My effort is a struggle for enlightenment. I am working to be fully aware of everything, from the emotional potency of negative space to the emotional potency of forms and light. A piece a paper is an artifice of light, form, and negative space, but it absolutely is not an artifice of my personal awareness. My art measures me. It slams me up against my knowing. I am trying with all I have to stay so open as to fully know success and failure. This is a blunt process. I walk away from each art-making event knowing the depth of my comprehension, as well as the limits of my seeing, my knowing, my feeling. Yesterday's drawing was just one more step along this path, my journey in quest of light and enlightenment.
I do like No.2 drawing from yesterday. However, the vast difference of these drawings, from one to the next, spells trouble within. I am in turmoil. This is a result by my art-making concentration being diluted by a deeper plunge into social media (see sidebar for links to Instagram and Facebook). That has abated. I am back, but feeling not fully aware of who I am. Frightening it is that such a limited distraction from my path can so impinge upon my quest. Well, maybe. Actually, drawing No.2 looks authentic to me. It is a small victory amongst yesterday's confusion. Perhaps my feeling confused is more potent than my actual confusion.
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