A clarity of purpose is overwhelming me. I am looking with assiduous terror, as if I have just finished my twelfth cup of coffee. Am I mad? Yesterday's drawing is not there yet. No drawing, no painting, will be ever be there yet. But, I can feel myself approaching resolution, a resolution I know will never happen. Is this the definition of madness? I am doing the same thing over and over; the difference between my behavior and madness are the results, they are never the same.
Never in a day does it happens to me. My paintings unravel, dependably protracted. Drawings occur dependably, from beginning to end, in one session. I continue to be unhappy with Weoman. Don't read me wrong, there are a lot of satisfying solutions in this painting, however it continues to seek completion. Yesterday, when I finished for the day, I looked at Weoman's current state (No.7) and said to myself, "Woe! Why did I not see that! It needs to be different?" And so it goes. I am hoping to finish Weoman soon. I am anxious. I want to get onto my many ideas waiting to be tested on canvas. If there be discipline in my life, it is this: I cannot stop working on anything, from my important personal relationships to my art work, until satisfaction is found. The deepest, most important relationships never end. A painting is a relationship, but I am able to accept it is as complete when it sits well enough within the scope of my present knowledge. I have learned this: Revolutionary ideas are best realized by beginning new paintings. Personal relationships are different: If they are working, they are relentlessly inventive and unresolved.
I am a man with an appetite. Are we not all? I will gobble my way to sanity. Yeah, there will be boggles along the way. I am, however, getting there. Yesterday's drawing is clogged with information. Today I will try another route. I will establish ground, then move toward resolution.
The unrelenting questions are becoming less annoying and more practical. Questions get answered, but not always for the best. I see this in the left edge of state 14 of the painting 2017 No. 14. Its increased width on the left side is good, but the unevenness of its left black border disturbs me. That border is not a complete failure. It did prove the forms on the left of this painting require more room to move. Other questions were asked yesterday. The snake-like object encircling the large form on the right had its value lightened. It reads better. Success comes as process, from questions asked to answers given, one by one. This repeats till it all makes sense. The remains of process eventually become all that remains.
There are questions and answers in yesterday's drawing too. I was examining the ground as a three-dimensional plane lit with a major specular highlight. Nice!
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