Symbolic, noteworthy, looks like something I have seen before; this is what I am doing. I am going there, doing it, referring to memory past and present, stuff that visually reminds me. These two drawings are examples of my quest for known and knowing.
The creep in me is doing a lot of wondering. What do I know? The drawing shown here was done over a couple days. That slowness of discovery tells me something about my loss and limits. I am devoid of absolute knowledge. I know no more than what I explore. It is not random exploration. I think and feel, therefore I make. I complete thoughts. These works are my visual record. Each records thoughts and feelings. That's worth something. Each work represents processional worthiness. I am within a process of knowing more.
Intention is the beginning and the end. All is lost without intention. It is the mind's eye resting on total recall and total self-knowledge. Self-knowledge is continuously altered. With every confirmation of knowledge comes change. Every experiential activity informs self-knowledge. Such are the steps we take along our true path. Where we are going we do not know.
Yesterday's drawing was a grand experiment in self-knowledge. It is a satisfying step. I know more today because I made this drawing; it is good. I feel satiated by this step. Will I rest, satisfied as I am? No. Satisfaction feeds desire for more satisfaction. I want more. I want more truth. I crave the next step.
All this work, most of it going into files (perhaps, forever lost to viewers) goes to preparation. This is the process of preparing for combat that is making-art. These drawings are very good, but they are more instructive than finalities with happy returns. The first drawing shown today is in state 2. The second drawing will be revisited today for its state 2. My understanding is taking leaps. Giant steps are happening. Before I arise from bed, I dream and mediate on moving toward more simple statements, ones more directly related to my deepest concerns and psyche. This process, of self-examination leading towards self-awareness and self-knowledge, is problem solving. Slow, but happy I am, because I comprehend its sureness.
Home is where the heart is... that describes my search. I want to be comfortable with my art-making. This is new for me. I have, for years, challenged my own assumptions, my own education, and my learning. I doubted everything I had been told or learned from books and mentors. This brings me here, to today. I am seeking the comforts of home. Thus comes these drawings. Finding a cozy home is not easy. Think about; you live in a home. Is it perfect for you? Like making art, arranging a home to satisfy oneself, to represent oneself, is an ongoing, never-ending process.
These drawing are exploratory; these drawings came like poof! I know the next few paintings will shore up my present knowledge. This is an exciting time. I am who I am. Because of these drawings I am a wee bit closer to knowing who I am. These drawings represent my recent two steps forward, i.e., forward into my present self-knowing.
I will paint today. Unfortunately, the two spaces on my work wall which are available for painting are occupied. Both paintings on the work wall require completion. So, that is today's task. I am inhaling, taking in my knowledge; I feel ready to burst; I need to begin a new painting! The practicality of finishing restricts me; I will hold my breathe, finish at least one of the two paintings on my work wall, then I will blow out strongly; out will come a new painting. The new painting will represent my acquisition of understanding, which (right now) feels very broad, very strong, and very full.
Yesterday's drawings are grandly excellent. I know this. I feel this. Yesterday's drawings exhibit great maturity. I am ready to paint with great maturity. Maturity to me means I know what I am, who I am. It is time to express myself with this newest of feelings.
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