 Drawing 02·01·2023, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  "After Words" (2023 No.1, state 02), oil on canvas, 49¼X45 inches I have not been writing much because I have been processing much. My processing is showing up in my Art, so why bother with words? Words pale along side the worries I endure. My problem is sorting out the worries, make sense of them, answer to myself: which don't make sense, which must be resolved for me to cure my problems? I answer as I sort out those worries true from worried false. False worries are misguidance. I have worried too much about working my way through and out from the past. The past is a crutch, dominated by artists who have been my models. I am immersed in an effort to deny their influence. I need to find myself acceptable to myself. The work shown today was made yesterday. I believe it shows I am moving my way through my worries. I am beginning to deny the intense influence of my pantheon of artists. Those artist gave me wings to begin making art. They became catches to lean upon. A crutch must be thrown away in order to mend and become fully strong. I have arrived at a time of personal acceptance.
 "Compunction" (2022 No.12, state 04), oil on canvas, 57⅛x66½ inches In reminiscence, I believe I have too long been afraid of the unfamiliar. This xenophobia has held me back, it has not allowed me to fully embrace my weird, unusual manner of seeing the world. I hope this painting, "Compunction", is a full break from my past, one in which I embrace my fondness for humor in the face of fear and limitations, both personal and societal. I embrace all my visitors, in dreams and in person. I have finally become xenial because I am xenial by nature. “We will never compromise our principles... [we] will always put... benevolence over bigotry, the Constitution over the cult, democracy over demagogues, economic opportunity over extremism, freedom over fascism, governing over gaslighting, hopefulness over hatred, inclusion over isolation, justice over judicial overreach, knowledge over kangaroo courts, liberty over limitation, maturity over Mar-a-Lago, normalcy over negativity, opportunity over obstruction, people over politics, quality of life issues over QAnon, reason over racism, substance over slander, triumph over tyranny, understanding over ugliness, voting rights over voter suppression, working families over the well-connected, xenial over xenophobia, ‘yes, we can’ over ‘you can’t do it,’ and zealous representation over zero-sum confrontation. We will always do the right thing by the American people.” -Hakeem Jeffries  Drawing 09·26·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches It is getting scary. The drawing I present today is undeniably deep and profound. That's the scary part. This drawing's in-your-face centerness insists you look, not look away. When is scope and depth undeniable? Take a look at Alberto Giacometti's "Diego" (below). That is one answer in addition to the one I give you in my drawing. Look and hang; you will discover yourself.  Alberto Giacometti, "Diego", oil on canvas, 1953  Drawing 09·17·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches On his deathbed, at 88 years of age, Michelangelo complained, "Why must I go now? I am just learning the alphabet of my profession." I do worry. I seek perfect clarity. What I seek is better proclaimed as pellucidity. Pellucidity is difficult, if not impossible, to achieve in one's lifetime. Pellucidity is defined as "lucid in style or meaning; easily understood." I strive to be lucid. I make Art. Always I walk away from my products knowing full success has not quite been achieved, Yes, but... I can, and I must, become pellucid.
Yesterday's drawing was better than the two that preceded it. Is it perfect, correct, pellucid? No way! Today I go back in search of my clarity. I seek intellectual and emotional pellucidity. I want pellucidity to inhabit my works of Art.  "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 7), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} I didn't know! Who knew? Not me! I am in search for personal monuments. One of my greatest influencers is Henry Moore. I adore his work. I have always been intrigued by Moore great, monolithic, monumental sculptures. Henri Matisse said an artist should look at one's earliest works as he searches for self; in doing so the artist discovers his natural affinities and purpose. I believe the most important education for the artist is reflection upon one's earliest impactful, intensely emotional responses to visual discoveries. Yesterday's work on the painting, "Honorable Terms", altered this painting from a mess of form and light to a monument to form and light. "Honorable Terms" now reflects personal centering. Yesterday's work was mindful discovery linked to personal, emotional responsiveness. "Honorable Terms" is now a monumental, intellectual success.  Henry Moore, "Atom Piece", Bronze Sculpture, 1964  "The Opposite of Indifference" (2021 No.4, state 06), oil on canvas, 50x54 inches, {"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. Because of indifference one dies before one actually dies. To be in the window and watch people being sent to concentration camps or being attacked in the street and do nothing, that's being dead. His or her neighbor are of no consequence. Their hidden or visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the Other to an Abstraction." - Elie Wiesel, "US News & World Report" (27 October 1986)}  Drawing 05·30·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Doggedly I am in pursuit. Pursuit of the "what" is not clear, nor should it be. I will know it when I see it (if I ever see it). These steps I take are ones in self-knowledge. Goodness and purity are felt, never fully seen in my own work. I know they exist. I have seen them in other artists' work. My belief in myself, the possibility of my being successful, is relentless. I am sure this is the way John Coltrane felt. I keep going back to do more work because I know a little tweak will get me closer to full realization that is my own depth.
Yesterday's work, the drawing and painting, were good, solid steps. I felt ground, but that ground has a little squish to it.  Drawing 04·02·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am a diehard fan of Frank Zappa’s music. Last night I watched the 2020 documentary film, Zappa.
Zappa was everything I thought him to be. For me, this film was not revealing, but enormously confirmative. I enjoyed Zappa's music then. I continue to listen to Zappa's music now, often. My first live Zappa concert was in Madison Wisconsion, 1969. I dragged along my three college roommates; not sure they ever forgave me. Please excuse this aside. Seeing Zappa again flooded me with reminiscence. I did not know that Zappa actually became Slovakia’s official “Trade and Cultural Representative" to the United States. I knew Zappa appeared several times before Congressional Committees, who were actively looking into banning Republican repulsive lyrics; that is here. I did not know he was a cultural hero to young Slovaks. Apparently the Slovak police, when citizens called to complain about abhorrent Rock and Roll being played, would say to the listeners, “Turn off that Zappa music!” Zappa said the Slovak youth would not have known who he was except for the police. Consequently, Zappa became a cultural hero, and the first American of stature to visit after the Velvet Revolution. The beginning, and near the end, of the film, shows Zappa in Prague for one of his last concerts. Where am I in all of this. I am my own cultural hero. I am the hero of my life. Seeing Frank Zappa being his own hero reminds me of me. I document everything I do. Frank did the same. This blog is a result of my personal cultural documentation. Here I am, day by day, putting my art in a Vault, for myself, for others who are interested. Frank often said he made music only for himself. He was a person documentarian with a Vault of his ow; it collected everything he did, day by day. All his music, all his scores and writings, are collected, are available, in Frank Zappa's Vault, made by Frank Zappa for Frank Zappa. I do the same for myself. Yesterday's drawing is revelatory. I am, through work, becoming myself, documenting my continuing personal revelation, on paper and canvas. Some days this path feels better than others. This drawing feels good now, it felt good in the making.  Drawing 09·05·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches "You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows..." (Bob Dylan). I am following the wind. This is one more weathervane in my arsenal. Subterranean Homesick Blues  Drawing 07·25·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches As elegant as yesterday's drawing is, I feel it is missing an element I seek. More clearly: It is missing the center of the element I seek. This drawing lacks a nucleus! Perhaps I do recognize there is a nucleus within its negative space. Is that enough? I don't believe it is. I require a positive nucleus to feel my work has become appropriately and properly me. As example, I show you a work by my mentor, Philip Guston. In his most abstract period, Guston (unlike his buddy, Jackson Pollock), understood the need for a painting to have a focal point. All-Over is not conducive to viewer involvement. All-Over is a cop out; it denotes a loss of interest in topic (as abstract as that topic may be). The painting I show you below, by Philip Guston, has a title relevant to today's discussion as well: "Zone", The title is unnecessary because its relevance is in its obvious visual nucleus.  Philip Guston, "Zone", oil on canvas, 1954  Drawing 06·12·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I am working hard to become enlightened, wholly myself. I look outside of me, I see much the same. Outside my studio there is continuing turmoil in my society; it too is working hard to become enlightened, more equitable, more caring, whole in its empathy. This is not true for everyone in our society; thus the battle continues. Overt people, knowing authentic human empathy is on their side, are marching in great numbers, calling for change, calling for us to be better; they are making great efforts to enlighten those who have strayed away from the rationality of treating one another with respect. Unfortunately we have a President who does not get it. I am optimistic. I believe we will move past this tumultuous era. Our society is based upon sound, empathetic, rational ideas. Please read again our nation's "Bill of Rights." As reminder I give you a reproduction of Faith Ringgold's painting, "Freedom of Speech." My drawing, the one I show today, is enlightened as well. Through self-challenge and hard work I too am becoming less ignorant, better informed, civilized, illuminated; yes, enlightened.  Faith Ringgold, "Freedom of Speech", oil on canvas, 1990 |
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