It ain't easy being here. I have found a way to make Art my own. So what? Enormous work is required to answer properly. Today's images are true. Truth has hit me. I feel confused because I am daunted by the work required to make my truth real. My acceptance of my responsibility has isolated me. I am afraid of isolation. This is about me alone with my loneliness. I see differently. I am the only one who can make my images. I am by myself. This is scary.
Being an artist, a composer of visual compositions, brings social engagement and loneness of composing. Important is the balance of my social interaction and my private activity as visual creator. Showing my work is exhilarating, very social. Exhibiting often overwhelms me, definitely distracts me from creating. There is a great difference between composer and performer. I am more the composer; I enjoy the quietude of problem solving in the studio more than the sociableness of exhibitions. Exhibitions allow friends to see me and my work together; exhibitions bring critiques from strangers along with viewers who look silently. Through my observing my exhibitions instruct me on the success and failure of every work I exhibit; Exhibitions are about success and failure of viewer engagement.
Yesterday I had a chance to compose, to create, to draw. This happened after hours of re-framing drawings that came back from my Bromfield Gallery exhibition. I noticed the linen tape I used to secure them to the mounting board had annoyingly wrinkled the paper. The linen tape I used required water to invigorate the glue. I removed the water based tape, ironed the drawings flat, then applied linen tape made with dry adhesive. The annoying wrinkles are gone. Yesterday I did this to four drawings. Today I will do it to four more. Why? Because tomorrow these drawings are going up in exhibition at Converse Free Library (Lyme, NH). I continue to juggle my time between composing and exhibition.
The painting, Seriously?, is being pushed toward atmospheric effects. I am dealing with so many disparate issues in my painting. This struggle to understand so many issues, from form to image to painterly, does not afford easy solutions. How does a form fall into a painting's atmosphere when local color must be decided too? This process is currently a push and pull activity. I am working hard to make it a natural process of pure flow, not ebb and flow! Can that happen? I believe it can. This is called working toward mastery. We all know mastery can happen. We all know mastery was different for Picasso than it was for Matisse. Please, hang in here with me. My struggle, to move toward mastery, is better endured if I don't do it alone. Thank you!
Impossible to know it all, but I want to know it all. This is my passion. I am a problem solver. I am a problem. I do not understand everything I want to understand. More confusing than that: I don't know what I do not know. I just know there is a chasm in front of me and it is very dark and lonely down there. I want to light the darkness. I need to light the darkness. Yesterday I visually yelled at this chasm with three drawings. The addictive part of art-making is its give-back. With every completed work I feel I have lit the darkness a bit more; I understand more than before.
Today I will begin a new painting.
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