 Drawing 07·01·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·01·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Pablo Picasso is known for his precise language, as well as precision in his art. I agree with much of what Pablo says. (Below, see Picasso's take on the inherent blindness of art-making and art-interpretation.) John Lennon wrote, "Happiness is a Warm Gun." I say, "Happiness is a Warm Pencil." Do I draw too much? Making marks is addictive, cathartic, warm, and clarifying. My drawing makes sense of my reality; others may find my art blind to the discomforts that are present in our political and social world. No matter; I probe my own depths. I am wide enough, deep enough, to be eternally in need of work; I am preoccupied with myself; I am working to understand. The reward? Me knowing more the more work I do. Subsequently, I feel enlightened, optimistic, and busy. There is much to do; I am solving my own mystery, which is the result of the mystery that is the world I live in. Yesterday's drawings are robust, clear, and confusing. They are like real-life. Pablo Picasso on Art-Making:
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 "Your Decisions Matter" (2020 No.2, state 7), oil on canvas, 52x55½ inches {"It's essential that you believe as if your decisions matter... reality isn't important; what's important is your belief..." - Ted Chiang, "Exhalation", 2019} When does simplification become too much? Am I simplifying? Clarity is an act of decisiveness; Simplification is an act of divorce. That which appears simpler is often more complex. Complexity is a measure of profundity. Simplification is a measure of ease. This painting, "Your Decisions Matter", is complex; it is profound, albeit simpler in color scheme and its number and kinds of forms. Mark Rothko understood profundity; he made, to the unobservant eye, seemingly simple paintings. I leave you with a great painting by Mark Rothko.  Mark Rothko, "Blue & Grey", oil on canvas, 1962  Drawing 04·22·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches  "Your Decisions Matter" (2020 No.2, state 6), oil on canvas, 52x55½ inches {"It's essential that you believe as if your decisions matter... reality isn't important; what's important is your belief..." - Ted Chiang, "Exhalation", 2019} I never expect, but I do wish for, an easiness born of complete comprehension. I continually wish my actions to be born of comprehension, great knowledge, and great realization. I want to feel the elation that is comprehensive understanding, aha moments. It would be nice to instinctively know when to zig rather than zag, like knowing the required move to catch a falling projectile. In Art-making this does not happen consistently, nor easily. This is mindful work. The effort to understand simultaneously while acting is relentless and exhausting. Yesterday's work indicates I am getting there; I am comprehending more instinctually with every move I make. This is about acceptance as well.
 "Clever Liars" (2020 No.1, state 06), oil on canvas, 56½x45¼ inches {"Clever liars give details, but the cleverest don't!" - anonymous} I work. I wait. It comes at me. Insight arrives unannounced. Clarity surprises! Suddenly I am charged with a task. Like needles pinpricking my brain, there is insistence; I must clarify myself. This is a race; self-acceptance becomes intent. I act. I pursue reality. I know better today than yesterday; I recognize truth. This is not a lame game of truth telling, it is a spirited debate upon canvas and paper. Yesterday's painting is a sincere step toward unabated image clarity; it was just one step. I will be relentless because I have yet to arrive.
 Drawing 04·09·2020 No.1, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 04·09·2020 No.2, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches I have done a lot of work, tons! Yet the insights keep coming. New knowledge never dies of old age. Looking back, perhaps I have not been clear enough, direct enough, not as forcefully true as required to be fully communicative. I worry. Perhaps my art has been difficult to comprehend. Perhaps my previous work has been more complex than simply lucid. In comparison to older things yesterday's drawing are simply intelligible. These drawings go right to truthfulness, i.e., they communicate without distraction. My art is beginning to make complete sense.
 Drawing 03·29·2020 No.1, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 03·29·2020 No.2, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches Insight and disease are not mutually exclusive. However, this pandemic, this disease, this Coronavirus, is helping me see more clearly. Insight is upon me. I have slowed to a pace of inevitable knowing. Peculiar it is, the greatest creativity occurs in the most stressful of times. It feels similar to a bicycle crash I once endured. I lost control of my bike; I was speeding down a tarmac road; the road was covered in a glaze of sand left over from winter salt & sanding; during a turn the front wheel slid on the sand. As I spun and churned toward the tarmac, I made decisions on how best to hit the surface of the road; a fraction of a second turned into an extended time; I was able to make a creative decision to save my life. I pushed the bike away so I could roll, rather then remain beneath the soon-to-be horizontal bike to be forced to scrape myself to the bone. I was wearing a bike helmet, which cracked, but otherwise I had nothing on but a T-Shirt and thin nylon pants. I ended bruised, with minor scrapes. I am taking scrapes in this virus outbreak. So far, my loved ones, when infected, have recovered. Me, I may, or may not, have had the Coronavirus. I experienced a period similar in symptoms to Covid-19, but no test to verify.
Yesterday was an exciting time in the studio. I had insights a-many. I believe many past works were confused in purpose. I have a simple objective; I wish to express simple truths; I wish to express being here and now. In response to this realization, my drawings are becoming basic truths; these drawings are more simple than previous ones, more direct, more felt, more readable by their viewers. This time of stressful quandary is rewarding me; I am experiencing good within the distractions a world dominated by disease.  "Your Decisions Matter" (2020 No.2, state 3), oil on canvas, 52x55½ inches {"It's essential that you believe as if your decisions matter... reality isn't important; what's important is your belief..." - Ted Chiang, "Exhalation", 2019} Fantasy and reality become the same in a painting. Such it is with the painting, "Your Decisions Matter". In this painting I see reality. I can feel reality; I also see fantasy. Big blockbuster TV series do much the same, like Game of Thrones. It ain't real; that depicted never happened, but it mimics, rhymes with stuff we know exists. That is the way my art is going. This painting, aptly entitled "Your Decisions Matter", is proof. I had to work many years to get clarity. All my work, the hundreds of paintings, the thousands of drawings, led to this. I know better who I am. I know better the means to express myself. This is reality. I feel safe. I can now come out.
 Drawing 02·25·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Discovery continues. Today I post a drawing that is another one of my efforts to find emotional circumstance in the manufacture of three-dimensional artifice. Artifice invokes emotion; here because of the obvious lie, i.e., this 3D image is on a two-dimensional piece of white paper. This not a piece of sculpture in 3D space. Pencil marks on flat paper are able to create emotional reality; simple technique can surprise with emotional complexity. This drawing's emotional complexity surprises me because many of my previous drawings have more animated marks, more complex forms, yet they fail my emotional profundity test. More often than not, forms and marks clutter drawings yet fall short in emotional meaning. This speaks to the magic that is full realization; achieving profundity is not painless, not unambiguous, is complicated.
 Drawing 01·16·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches It is a mystery to me the vast degree of difference in sight and understanding, one person to the next. George Bernard Shaw told a story in his autobiography, writing that his eye doctor told him that he sees with normal vision; Shaw asked the doctor, "So I see like everyone else?" The doctor replied, "No, less than 10% of people have normal vision." I feel the same about my work. I believe I see with normal vision. My works visually communicates deep understanding, both intellectual and emotional. Yet I find people who celebrate the clarity of my vision far fewer than those who react to it in any substantial manner; they simply walk by. This is my quandary. I will continue my journey. I continue to hope my work will become more universal in its communication, its social intercourse, thus allowing me to share communion with others.
 "Inertia to Movement" (2019 No.6, state 1), oil on canvas, 64.5x64.75 inches {"Emotion is the moment when steel meets flint and a spark is struck forth, for emotion is the chief source of consciousness. There is no change from darkness to light, or from inertia to movement, without emotion." -Carl G. Jung (1875-1961), "The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious", 1955, translation R.F.C Hull} Yesterday was an important day. I began a new painting, "Inertia to Movement". I have been seeking a more direct approach to exuding emotion in my work. Mostly my search has been through drawing, but yesterday I took a big step in finding emotion in painting as well. This first state of "Inertia to Movement" exhibits simplicity in search of clarity. I will walk carefully in the making of this painting, step by invented step. My intention is to be fully mindful, fully present, during its pathway to full blossom.
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
July 2020
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