 "Your Decisions Matter" (2020 No.2, state 8), oil on canvas, 54x55½ inches {"It's essential that you believe as if your decisions matter... reality isn't important; what's important is your belief..." - Ted Chiang, "Exhalation", 2019}  Drawing 08·29·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Returning to the past and coming back again reminds there is no way home. Home is always and never. Only discomfort is available. Time future and time past are irrelevant to time present. Everything I make appears to be on the verge of becoming satisfactory. Satisfaction is impossible. I am compelled to return to action; my quest for fulfillment is endless. I want contentment; I want to make real the idea of who I am. Failure is the only option. Gratification is a carrot; I run but never obtain.
The works I show you today are steps in the right direction. My direction is clear. The endpoint, the goal, the destination, will never be obtained. Appeasement does not work either. Ask Winston Churchill not Neville Chamberlain.
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 "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 19), oil on canvas, 66¼x57⅝ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)} This is the final final state of "Amidst a Falling World." Yesterday the canvas was taken off my work wall, then stretched on its newly manufactured stretcher. This morning I accurately measured its dimensions, which are very close to the last version. I did have to re-paint the edges to insure the surface is consistent from edge to edge.
 "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 18), oil on canvas, 66¼x57¼ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)} "Amidst a Falling World" is complete. There are multiple emotions involved in completion. It is death and life and learning and despair (over not knowing enough); it is an end and a beginning. It is informative, but sadly never as wonderful as I wish. Immediately upon completion my desire to begin anew is great. Everything fails a little, as well as succeeds a little. It is within the perception of failure that the next work begins.
 "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 17), oil on canvas, 66¼x57¼ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)}  Drawing 08·11·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·11·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches The painting, "Amidst a Falling World", will be exhibited at the prestigious 70th Annual A-ONE Exhibition at Silvermine Galleries in New Canaan, CT. The exhibition opens September 5, 2020. Yesterday I got extremely close to completing "Amidst a Falling World". A couple more touches and it will be complete.
My struggle to make sense of my personal vision has been mitigated by my efforts to complete "Amidst a Falling World". I understand better a means to represent personal clarity because I had to clarify "Amidst a Falling World". There is strength in simplicity. Yesterday I worked to make simple clarity available in my drawings. One of my problems is my sheer love of touch; my enjoyment of making marks has the ability to distract me from clarity; I enjoy making marks that represent surfaces, forms, and the representation of light on forms and surfaces. I get carried away, swept away, as I seek image though marks of graphite. Yesterday's drawing No.2 swept me into many more pencil marks than No.1.  Drawing 08·02·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·02·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·02·2020 No.3, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches These drawing are exploratory; these drawings came like poof! I know the next few paintings will shore up my present knowledge. This is an exciting time. I am who I am. Because of these drawings I am a wee bit closer to knowing who I am. These drawings represent my recent two steps forward, i.e., forward into my present self-knowing.
 "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 16), oil on canvas, 66¼x57¼ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)}  Drawing 08·01·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Yesterday's drawing scares me. Mostly because I do not have strong feelings about it. Does it succeed? Unable to answer this question, I will move on to something that is more clearly me. There is substance in this drawing, but it is squarely not pure nor direct, so it scares me. Who made this drawing? Drawing today with rectify me.
I took one more step on the painting "Amidst a Falling World". It is ripening; there are nuances showing their true light. A couple days ago I believed I could finish this painting with one quick response. Here I am in state 16 with a few more nuance checks and balances to come. I very much want to begin a new painting using my current body of knowledge. But building on my knowledge by completing the last couple of paintings is required before I can move on.  "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 15), oil on canvas, 66¼x57¼ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)} So this is me? Not quite yet (Which is one of my many mantras). More and more to come!
 Drawing 07·30·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·30·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I will paint today. Unfortunately, the two spaces on my work wall which are available for painting are occupied. Both paintings on the work wall require completion. So, that is today's task. I am inhaling, taking in my knowledge; I feel ready to burst; I need to begin a new painting! The practicality of finishing restricts me; I will hold my breathe, finish at least one of the two paintings on my work wall, then I will blow out strongly; out will come a new painting. The new painting will represent my acquisition of understanding, which (right now) feels very broad, very strong, and very full.
Yesterday's drawings are grandly excellent. I know this. I feel this. Yesterday's drawings exhibit great maturity. I am ready to paint with great maturity. Maturity to me means I know what I am, who I am. It is time to express myself with this newest of feelings.  Drawing 07·28·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·28·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Perfection is a myth. Some questions can be answered. No sophisticated question can be answered with a perfectly correct sophisticated answer. Why is the sand wet? "Because the the sea weed!" That is NOT the correct answer. Sand being wet is NOT confusing. But the answer to the question of it being wet can be deceptively given, albeit humorous. This is not my game. I am trying to go right at myself, right at self-expression. No deception here. Yesterday's drawings were two steps in the right direction.
Have you noticed? I have not been painting a lot! Well, after making yesterday's drawings, I believe major paintings are coming. Drawings are my first experiments with truth. Paintings require me to extend my truth-making over days, sometimes months. I must feel truth deeply in order to sustain a painting. There is so much substantial truth in these two drawings that I believe they are harbingers of great paintings to come.  "Clever Liars" (2020 No.1, state 11), oil on canvas, 56½x47½ inches {"Clever liars give details, but the cleverest don't!" - anonymous}  Drawing 07·05·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches People play games, but generally the world pops over just the same. It is happening now. In the thick of it we are! As is my art. It is becoming its true self. This is happening because of consistent work; work based on deliberation upon deeds done, art made, ideas accomplished, successful ideas, ideas that failed.
Yesterday's work went splendidly. Delusion is always possible when I feel joyous because of success perceived. I do think yesterday's drawing, and this painting, indicate absorbed knowledge, finesse and clarity; this is not delusion. It is here, shown to you. |
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