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I will not go from A to B instantaneously, but I have begun slowing myself down and into a mindful state. You can see this happen in yesterday's drawing, and you can see me lose it there too. The man has it and the woman got away from me. The man came first. He was made while I was fresh with energy, focus, and intent. I had limited time in the studio, so when I began the requisite woman I was not as focussed and I got lost; also I ran out of time. This drawing IS NOT FINISHED! I intend to mindfully move myself through it, and bring it to a conclusion, tomorrow. You will have to wait until Saturday February 1st to see it in its final composition. Here is where I must speak to myself and tell myself to temper my enthusiasm. Energy must me focused and must not be allowed to splash itself out and into the pictorial space. It is game that requires fine tuned movement and marks. I will play that way tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will be a day of practice that moves me closer to my having the ability to sustain consistency in the making of mindful art. 
Untitled-01·29·2014 (state 1), pencil on paper, 16X20 inches
Untitled-01·28·2014, pencil on paper, 16X20 inches
I am telling you, and I am telling me: "Hang in here!" My endeavor is, of course, more than a physical endeavor. It is me seeking a spiritual center, and it is me seeking a way to be. Mindfulness is used a lot these days. Its overuse may lead to confusion. I use it here because I mean it in its correct sense and significance. I confess: I have not fully embraced the requirement that I enter the studio mindfully. I will fail in art if I do not shift to full performance as action in the here and in the now. I will also fail myself; I will fail my life. I know more than I am able to exhibit. At this point, this is my fault. The confusion I see in my art is me being confused by the task. When performing a task I am not always true to the now. Yes, I am getting closer to being authentic, but close does not mean it is right and genuine. Too often I am off-center while being close. I resolve to go slowly. I will go slowly to insure I am acting with mindfulness. I have not been as true to the task as is necessary for me to find trueness in my art as myself. This is what you shall see from this point forward: The amount of work will be dictated by my ability to mindfully make it. I am not sure this means that the volume of my work will go down, but I am sure this means the quality of my work will go up.
Untitled-01·02·2014 (state 8), oil on canvas, 60X72 inches
As incredible as it seems, this painting just found itself. Untitled-01·02·2014 is now home, but not home free. The next phase for this painting has been burdensome and difficult for me in earlier paintings, i.e. getting all the individual forms within the overall composition working as best they can, expressing as much as they can. But, as I become better at my craft, closer to my personal expressive identity, I believe this will be easier for me. For instance, those jumble of hands and fingers of the man on the right must be sorted out to make this painting have maximum impact. I feel excitement within me to make this happen well and correctly. 
Untitled-01·25·2014, pencil on paper, 14X11 inches
Untitled-01·24·2014, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches
Yesterday's drawing is a study for the cat that must enter from the middle of the right-side of the painting Untitled-01·02·2014.
Untitled-01·02·2014 (state 7), oil on canvas, 60X72 inches
I did not post yesterday, so these images are from the day before yesterday (01/22/2014). Yesterday took me to a film class and then elsewhere. Since I was away from the studio I did errands. This you do not need to know, but I did want to share with you one thought. It is apparent that some solution must take place in the middle right edge of Untitled-01·02·2014. Maybe a cat will come in... 
Untitled-01·22·2014, pencil on paper, 14X11 inches
Untitled-01·02·2014 (state 6), oil on canvas, 60X72 inches
The great game is at hand. How do you find authenticity when you are awed by ideas of which you are unfamiliar? This is called research. And, its happening now. 
Untitled-01·21·2014, pencil on paper, 60X72 inches
Sketch-01·20·2014, ink on paper, 11X8.5 inches
Yesterday was my typical Money Monday with me taking care of the financial end of it all, but not getting into the studio. Yesterday I did post on this blog, and when I did, I looked at the image of the painting Untitled-01·02·2014. Something else is needed in that painting in its bottom left, between the chair legs and the table legs. I made a quick sketch with my fountain pen on a regular piece of printing paper. I will try it out in the real painting today.
Untitled-01·02·2014 (state 5), oil on canvas, 60X72 inches
Everything is changing. I am even eating differently. The moment I am in now feels different than any moment I can remember. Of course this is true! Then why is it so unexpected and astonishing? This is to be answered as I continue. 
Untitled-01·19·2014, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches
 Untitled-01·02·2014 (state 4), oil on canvas, 60X72 inches Perhaps you can follow the sketch in yesterday's blog post after viewing the man on the left in today's reproduction of Untitled-01·02·2014. In the sketch the man holds a watch forward toward the viewer. That would not work in the painting, and neither does the central form in this "state #4". That nose has to rotate in front of the man on the right. That will happen today; it will increase, and play with, the artifice of 3-dimensions. Yesterday's drawing is obviously an additional study (after the sketch) for the man on the left in the painting.  Untitled-01·17·2014, pencil on paper, 14X11 inches 
Sketch-01·16·2014, ink on paper, 7X5 inches
As promised in yesterday's blog post, here it is. This sketch heralds a change in the painting Untitled-01·02·2014, and in my art (in general). I wish to engage in spatial curiosity as an expressionistic, playful game. This drawing is probably difficult for you to interpret. Come back tomorrow and see where it has led Untitled-01·02·2014. Then you will interpret this sketch properly, and you will comprehend the reason for its existence.
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
February 2019
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