The struggle to be free is constant. Before freedom comes acceptance of reality; reality cannot be avoided; it demands first attention; that is undeniable. An example is the fact that a two-dimensional plane will, first and foremost, be read as a two dimensional plane. This 2D-reading occurs before any artifice created by drawing will be seen. I have tried very hard to create the third-dimension in my two-dimensional paintings and drawings. Yesterday is a good example. When I began yesterday's drawing I was thinking in/out on that plane, but I quickly realized I was losing the readability of its 2D actuality. Thus came the drama in its making. I struggled between the freedom that is the joy of making marks, and the insistence that reality is the 2D-plane.
In life there is struggle to see clearly. The murkiness of people, things, and emotions obscure easy access. Muck, rubbish, and dirt get in the way of truth-telling; clarity is found by consistently pushing the falderal out of one's way. Such is my journey. Reason is not enough. This is slow because the rubbish is much. Yesterday's drawing dealt with this dichotomy. There is left and right; there is heaven and earth. There is darkness and light. The left is shadowed, invokes a search for nuance. The right is easier on the eyes; it invokes simplicity and strength. The monument on the right is clear. The monument on the left struggles to be seen. Both monuments are pyramids, one tall and lean, one fat yet sturdy in its dark surroundings. Obvious, there is play between murkiness & limpidity.
No miracles! Just daily effort! No way but the highway! I am happy with the progress of the painting 2017 No.10. However, there is stress in me. I wish to fully understand, while at the same time I wish to explore new possibilities. Working on a painting till it no longer begs for change is me making the effort to fully understand. The daily drawings are me exploring present and future possibilities. Yet I consistently feel a lack of new painting. Presently I am in an effort to complete a painting. I do not feel I am able to begin a new painting till I have exhausted the present painting. Painting, for me, continues to stretch my conscious and unconscious intuition. It strains me. So great is the struggle that it limits my desire, and my ability, to make two paintings at the same time.
The painting "2017 No.1" reminds me of me before. By "before" I mean, "I've been there. I've done that." This painting, "2017 No.1" is pleasant enough, but is it right enough? All I can tell you with clarity is this: I am in the midst of an upheaval through research. Things I knew to be true are no longer true. The approach to "2017 No.1" is that which is not right. I am struggling to correct my behavior. This year's drawings exhibit this change. It is my act of painting that must change in order for me to be here, be now, be authentic. My struggles continue. I will not give up. I'll finish this painting. Yes, in the act of the next painting I will force myself to be closer to right in action.
The struggle is on... in yesterday's post I wrote of the impact my seeing a Mark Rothko painting had on me. My painting, "2016 No.17", cannot be moved in the direction of simplification. It is what it is. Yesterday's drawings begin with one containing three objects piled on top of each other. Obvious to me, this is Rothko's influence, emulating the three areas of color in his painting which was reproduced in yesterday's blog post. It ain't easy for me, this struggle with clarity of emotional purpose. Yesterday's drawings, one after the other, are looking for truth in action, but they get more complex, not more simple.
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