This was a week of self-intimacy. Everything I did led to self-acceptance. This can be seen in drawing after drawing. Even the newest painting forced me to accept my basic impulses and interests. I write "even the new painting" because when one looks at this painting my insight is not obvious. What you don't see is how its failure, particularly in the background's lack of rapport with the foreground forms, hit me like a hammer on the intellect. It screams, "This ain't right!" So the obvious problem is me versus the structure with which I must work. The actual structure is two-dimensional, but the visually, emotive structure I place on the 2D paper or canvas is invigorated by its three-dimensionality. I have pointed out in this week's posts, as I referenced Masters like Cezanne and Monet, that I am not alone with this dichotomy. There are models out there, created through lifetimes of work. This brings me squarely into my self-importance. It is important that I pursue this problem which I have begun to address. It is important because it has become incontrovertible that this is the manner I must use to express who I am, the way I see, the way I feel. Yesterday's drawing took another jab at it. I felt exhausted by the end of my studio session, which tells me this has been a week of enervating insights. I am proud, but not happy or satisfied. I have faced the challenge, accepted it as true. There is a vast amount of work to be done!
Usually I show the painting I did yesterday first, then the drawing. Not today! I find the newest state of "Crazy Love" problematical. It is in need of repair. Thus the drawing first, which is a good one.
"Crazy Love" is going through a grand transition, as am I. I am coming to terms with the figurative impetus of my soul, mixed as it is with a visually abstract, non-concrete universe. Yesterday's drawing began as a study for "Crazy Love", but it quickly took its own direction. Two remnants in yesterday's drawing refer to "Crazy Love". They are the heart and the distorted, ex-body head. The current ex-body head will be substantially repainted. I am also imagining (during this writing) the appearance of a second head in the bottom right quadrant.
Drawings from 10/11/2015, all are pencil on paper, 20X16 inches
It worked! Of course it did! The painting "Two" is the first of many paintings that will be made on a the solid fiberboard wall. The feel of placing a stroke of paint on this canvas is different than placing the same stroke on a stretched canvas. The fiberboard wall has no give, no flex. For someone like me, a draftsman pure and simple, this makes sense. I get greater control of line and stroke on the fiberboard-backed canvas than on a canvas stretched across a frame. The main bonus is in my ability to tack up a canvas in a few minutes, rather than manufacturing a stretcher, then stretching the canvas (which can take over two hours).
Yesterday's drawings continue to explore my basic need to create forms in three-dimensional space. Henri Matisse's advice to artists was something like this, "If you get confused, go back to your earliest work to see the driving force in your need to make art." This is exactly the impetus of my most recent work! BTW: I feel much as Matisse did about his work being different from any other painter (see quote below). The social desire to be like others is with us all.
It has bothered me all my life that I do not paint like everybody else. -Henri Matisse
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