I am surprised. Does this make sense? It is stranger than fiction, and non-fiction! It is what it is, and it will go where it needs to go. The child is father to the man.
Consciously I know not what I do. I am a boy on the midst of discovery. The world is new to me, and so are my paintings and drawings. I know they are connected to an internal life not fully intellectualized nor capable of being verbalized; thus I make visuals in pencil and paint. Do you remember when you awoke to the world? The simplest sensual or intellectual discovery was enormously exciting and animating: it was like a good dose of strong coffee. I do not remember being self-critical in those early moments of discovery; I do not remember asking myself if it was strange to perceive in this manner or if it was embarrassing to express with glee and happiness that which was which being discovered. This is where I am now, again. These images are strange to me, but they are my images being discovered as I live and act. I will not be self-critical.
Odd even to me. Where am I going? I am like a man in the middle, an observer of things. These things are just lying around, like detritus, ruble, or flotsam and jetsam. I pick them up, and to my astonishment they have meaning and purpose. They are directing me. I must accept the direction. Thus it is with today's discoveries in "Painting-02·23·2013".
Around the corner here I come and I don't know where I'm going. The process will take me there.
True to form, I am rocking back and forth, looking for truth in this painting. It appears it will be taking the standard 12 or 13 revisits to find it. As of yesterday, I am at state #8.
The 4-hour solution will continue today. This limit on time and energy spent in the studio feels right and good. It reserves vigor and vitality; it allows me to think clearly throughout the rest of day, and return to the studio with exuberance the following day. The 4-hour solution give consistency to a strong desire to "get it right". It also adds the bonus of "having a life" outside the studio. This bonus is required to balance the isolation of living within the studio.
These images are from two days ago. Today there was a was an important change in "Painting-12·05·2012" (check in here tomorrow to see it).
I have been trying to bring order to my life and to my art. Aren't we all? My days are full; often so full that I feel rushed and uncomfortable. Also, like a manic depressant (except my lack of control has to do with energy more than emotions), I have been going through cycles of extreme energy and extreme exhaustion. So here's the solution: I will be in the studio, creating art (and all the work surrounding that activity), four hours per day. I am hoping to gain a consistency in my energy level, and in the level of my art. I feel I am ready for this. I have read that the authors W. Somerset Maugham and Ruth Rendell planned their days around 4 hours of writing. Both were extremely prolific and extreme expressive. Watch me and see...
I have been making efforts to control the White Balance of my photographic reproductions. It is working. A few days ago I began using better lighting techniques by changing to the more even lighting of CFLs, and yesterday I spent an hour experimenting with different ways to control White Balance. The results are good: the reproductions today are closer to reality than seen here before.
Multiple times I have redrawn the hand at the bottom left of "Painting-12·05·2012". I think I finally have it right.
What's this about a light bulb? Well, with today's blog post, to light my images for photographic reproduction I have switched to 5000K CFL's from the old technology of halogen light bulbs. I am very excited to report that the images seen today are closer to the originals than reproduced previously in this blog. Especially exciting to me is the even lighting I am able to achieve. Prior to today's reproductions the hot spots and grey corners seen in the reproductions had disturbed me (these were especially noticeable in the reproduction of my drawings). The whiteness of the drawing paper is also a pleasure to see in its more faithful true white.
The work shown today was done on Valentine's Day, two days ago. This weak was a long slow one for me, not with a lot of success, but not without success. Thus nothing from yesterday. I will be in the studio today. Today should be more normal than abnormal, though I enjoy the abnormalities in a normal day.
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