 A clearer externalized vision is realized as I learn to paint with clearer intuition. Simultaneously my desire to write diminishes. Increasing is the singularity of my desire to uncover who and what I am through the process of art-making. This is very interesting. Yesterday I began a new work, "Painting—10292012". It came out of my intuition in the same way I break while driving a car when a squirrel suddenly darts in front of the car. I use the "squirrel example" because there is a simultaneity of problems being solved without verbal thought. When breaking for a squirrel one measures personal safety versus the squirrel's safety. I do not always choose the squirrel's safety over my own (or over the safety of the other occupants in the car). However, all these measurements are made in an instant, and without verbal thought. The decision is made and the squirrel may, or may not, survive, but the car, and its occupants, do drive on. There are many analogies to this kind of intuitive decision making in sports. Easiest to understand is the decisions made by a quarterback in football when he must throw the ball to one of several receivers. Not only must the quarterback choose the receiver with the highest probability of catching the ball, but he must also decide where to throw the ball to obtain the highest probability of it being caught without interference by the receiver's defender. All this is decided in a very short amount of time, and without verbal thought. Experience in such situations enhances intuition; one gets better with each experiment. "Painting—09072012" took one more step in its seventh alteration.  
The sixth state of "Painting—09072012" is surprising to me, the guy who made it.
This is the first drawing in quite a while that has no figurative reference. It opens a door to my past and future. My mind is now open to utilizing all I have learned from years of study and research. I am open to work with no boundaries in content or theme.    I continue to question the value of drawing for me, at least for right here right now. During my current quandary, painting intuitively appears to be the better way to go. However, there is value in drawing. It informs my mind-hand connection, and it allows questions about content and form to be answered quickly. I cannot escape my need to make form. A couple days ago I heard the artist Enrico Riley talk about his art. I was blown away by the gusto of his transition from cool and analytical to expressive and intuitive. Enrico Riley spoke of his admiration of Philip Guston's work, which is (of course) important to me because Guston was one of my most important mentors. As Guston did, as Enrico Riley is doing, I am doing. The move to intuitive expression is happening here too! Now I show you a couple of Enrico Riley's recent works...   
This composition is complete, but the painting is not over. To finalize "painting—09072012" I must finish off details and re-touch where color, light, and form are not quite right. I need to let it dry before this happens. In the meantime I will stretch another canvas. I hope I have time to begin a new painting on the new canvas today.
...and so it goes. This is the 4th state of "painting—09252012". It is getting closer to its ultimate conclusion. I am accepting the idea that every painting will live its own life and will have its own endpoint, as limited as any conclusion can be. There is no perfect ending. In this regard, i.e. the quest for perfection, today's reproduction is disappointing because of its lack of subtlety and correctness in contrast, value, and color. It will do for now. I am working to fix these flaws, which will never be absolutely correct because of the nature of painting versus photography. At least you may watch the changes and imagine the true quality of this 52 X 60 inch painting.
Intent is no longer an issue. It will not be questioned. Shown today is the third state of "painting—09072012". Yesterday this painting moved quickly. It says things which I cannot (will not) express in words. Today I will work on it again. Today I will also begin preparation of a new canvas for a new painting.
And now from me, and the "Talking Heads". First the "Talking Heads": Puzzlin' Evidence You got the CBS And the ABC You got Time and Newsweek Well, they're the same to me Now don't you wanna get right with me? Puzzling evidence I hope you get ev'rything you need, puzzling evidence I know I am not proceeding quickly in terms of total number of output items. The drawing shown today is puzzling. I do think it is a necessary drawing. It bounces me off something that does not work well for me. My reaction to this drawing will bring me back to a place which works better. I require a search which is more productive, more informative, than this drawing. I need to be more true to my personal self-expression. Therefore I will go to painting, which I will do today. Painting, right now, is more important than drawing. Recently my drawings have not been strongly informative. Right now I believe painting is a better activity. Painting has a better chance of helping me properly place another piece into the puzzle I am trying to make whole. My paintings are larger, and have color, and thus they allow more questions to be asked. Painting allows more open, more complex play, than drawing.  It can't happen here. I mean it will never happen to me. There is no end to drawing. It will always inform me. Time is a problem. I show you the one drawing from yesterday. This idea, that "it can't happen here," reminds me of the song by Frank Zappa from the "Mothers of Invention" album "Freak Out" (read the entire lyrics of this song below my drawing).  It Can's Happen Here
Music & Lyrics by Frank Zappa It can't happen here It can't happen here I'm telling you, my dear That it can't happen here Because I been checkin' it out, baby I checked it out a couple a times, hmmmmmmmm And I'm telling you It can't happen here Oh darling, it's important that you believe me (bop bop bop bop) That it can't happen here Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in kansas... Kansas kansas tototototodo Kansas kansas tototototodo Kansas kansas Who could imagine that they would freak out in minnesota... Mimimimimimimi minnesota, minnesota, minnesota Who could imagine... Who could imagine That they would freak out in washington, d.c. D.c. d.c. d.c. d.c. d.c. It can't happen here Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba It can't happen here It can't happen here Everybody's safe and it can't happen here No freaks for us It can't happen here Everybody's clean and it can't happen here No, no, it won't happen here I'm telling you it can't It won't happen here (bop bop didi bop didi bop bop bop) Plastic folks, you know It won't happen here You're safe, mama You're safe, baby You just cook a tv dinner And you make it (bop bop bop) No no no no Oh, we're gonna get a tv dinner and cook it up Go get a tv dinner and cook it up Cook it up Oh, and it won't happen here (no no no no no no no no no no no Man you guys are really safe Everything's cool). Who could imagine Who could imagine That they would freak out in the suburbs I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool. And they thought it couldn't happen here (duh duh duh duh duh) They knew it couldn't happen here They were so sure it couldn't happen here But... Suzie... Yes yes yes--i've always felt that Yes I agree man, it really makes it...yeah... It's a real thing, man And it really makes it (makes it) Suzie, you just got to town, And we've been, we've been very interested In your development, Since you first took the shots. Forget it! Hmmmmmmmmm (it can't happen here) (can't happen here) (can't happen here) No, this will not be the end of drawing for me. But these drawings do not have completed thoughts as my last painting has a completed thought. It may be a time I need to paint to find completion. These drawings feel extremely limited. 
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March 2023
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