My great effort to rid myself of my own iconic images is in full battle mode. You can see it here. This may not be pretty (or not), but it is definitely a conflict in full engagement. This will get fixed! I will find a way to pare the basis of me into a distillation that is all my known knowledge. I will become clarified and pure. The struggle will waver. It will not produce all things good. It is a path taken in a correct direction; a direction that is more felt than known. This is the artist feeling his way across a dark room, bumping into deceptive objects, but knowing there is a door to light somewhere across the room.
Yesterday's drawing was one step forward (completing the drawing began on 9/23/2020) and one step sideways (the drawing began yesterday). Today I will complete the latter drawing. I believe I will be constantly drawing until I feel ready to commit to a new painting. There is knowledge and understanding to gain before the next big trial by paint.
All this work, most of it going into files (perhaps, forever lost to viewers) goes to preparation. This is the process of preparing for combat that is making-art. These drawings are very good, but they are more instructive than finalities with happy returns. The first drawing shown today is in state 2. The second drawing will be revisited today for its state 2. My understanding is taking leaps. Giant steps are happening. Before I arise from bed, I dream and mediate on moving toward more simple statements, ones more directly related to my deepest concerns and psyche. This process, of self-examination leading towards self-awareness and self-knowledge, is problem solving. Slow, but happy I am, because I comprehend its sureness.
Looking for simple and direct is not simple nor direct. It is a battle in the middle of my personal war against distraction and discomfort. These two drawings are steps, but not finalities; there are no finalities. Happily I do believe I am winning the war, despite no battle being definitive enough for congratulations. So in the soon-time I am making new works as steps in the long-time. My self-propulsion is ardent, instigated by my need to problem solve my personal lack of completion. Thankfully these steps feel like right ones. I do believe I am headed in the right direction.
Can you believe it? More and more are required. There is a "forever without end" doctrine at work here; or is it... "til death do we part"? Time will tell; time rules me and every human. Living forever would be helpful. I think I will solve this, i.e., I will solve myself if I have enough time!
Yesterday's drawings challenge my recent "darken til satisfied" idea. My recent drawings have been very good, but very good and satisfying are two different things.
I keep on rolling, rollin'. More today. More till I am satisfied. Satisfaction is impossible. So more will be coming. I will paint again soon. I will take the big lessons I have learned from my recent drawings; I will make the best paintings of my career. This is all to come, never ending till death.
It is fleeting, this feeling that I know what I am doing. Safety is not an option. Discomfort is all there is. I hope this is temporary nervousness. Can I blame it on Covid-19 and our dystopian politics? I think not. This is me. This is my struggle to express fully and adequately. Discomfort instigates the next step. Yesterday's second drawing feels better than the first. The first came stiffly; as if I knew the investigation I wanted to make. The second flew, created like watching a mystery unravel. It came mindfully, me watching carefully, yet the task spilled out with robust tenacity of purpose, full of courage, accompanied by audacity. I believe the higher quality of the second drawing is obvious.
Drawing No.1: too complicated? Drawing No.2: too simple? Yes, no, maybe? Each is a step along the way, doubling as art, science, research, judgements, and questions; each remain a step, not a destination.
The painting, "Amidst a Falling World", will be exhibited at the prestigious 70th Annual A-ONE Exhibition at Silvermine Galleries in New Canaan, CT. The exhibition opens September 5, 2020. Yesterday I got extremely close to completing "Amidst a Falling World". A couple more touches and it will be complete.
My struggle to make sense of my personal vision has been mitigated by my efforts to complete "Amidst a Falling World". I understand better a means to represent personal clarity because I had to clarify "Amidst a Falling World". There is strength in simplicity. Yesterday I worked to make simple clarity available in my drawings. One of my problems is my sheer love of touch; my enjoyment of making marks has the ability to distract me from clarity; I enjoy making marks that represent surfaces, forms, and the representation of light on forms and surfaces. I get carried away, swept away, as I seek image though marks of graphite. Yesterday's drawing No.2 swept me into many more pencil marks than No.1.
Here are two drawings, both made as research, as tests. Question: Does one big major form engage the viewer better than a centralized composition with many complex, minor forms? I am questioning viable means to intense viewer engagement. I believe a centered composition is important; centering invites primary guttural responses. Obtaining an absorbed response can happen in many ways. Today I examine two ways. Lickety Split!
These drawing are exploratory; these drawings came like poof! I know the next few paintings will shore up my present knowledge. This is an exciting time. I am who I am. Because of these drawings I am a wee bit closer to knowing who I am. These drawings represent my recent two steps forward, i.e., forward into my present self-knowing.
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