 Drawing 12·06·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Three million strokes and counting.... Yesterday's drawing celebrates the marking of a white piece of paper with graphite from a pencil. Later yesterday, as I rested reading in my living room, my arm let me know it had been taxed. I had been enjoying finding forms, finding surface, finding space, finding light, and finding composition! This simultaneity-filled activity is a celebration of mindfulness. The more I do it the longer I can sustain it! This is "practice", as defined by veteran meditators. The Buddha would be proud of me! I have not obtained Buddhahood, but I am moving in that direction. Shravasti Dhammika, a Theravada monk, writes:
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 "Chaos, Stillness & Prayer" (2018 No.9, state 6), oil on canvas, 54x36 inches {"Art has something to do with the achievement of stillness in the midst of chaos. A stillness which characterizes prayer, too, and the eye of the storm.... an arrest of attention in the midst of distraction." -Saul Bellow, "Writers at Work: Third Series", 1967} Chaos, Stillness & Prayer is Standing straight and tall! This after I made a 1° counterclockwise move. My studio time is filled with more physical effort than ever before. Yesterday I did as much physical change as artistic change. I removed the many pins holding Chaos, Stillness & Prayer to my work wall — except the one on the upper left — then I rotated the canvas. This was followed by pinning the canvas down again. In addition I have recently begun taping the edges of my canvas with black painter's tape; by doing this I know how the final rectangle will look. So I had to remove all the tape applied previous to the 1° rotation and place new tape to surround the image. Finally, I painted. As consequence, state 6 of Chaos, Stillness & Prayer is now much better than state 5!
 "Burnt Norton" (2018 No.8, state 22), oil on canvas, 63x66 inches {"What might have been is an abstraction remaining a perpetual possibility; Only in a world of speculation what might have been and what has been point to one end, which is always present." -T.S. Eliot, "Burnt Norton"}  "Chaos, Stillness & Prayer" (2018 No.9, state 5), oil on canvas, 54x36 inches {"Art has something to do with the achievement of stillness in the midst of chaos. A stillness which characterizes prayer, too, and the eye of the storm.... an arrest of attention in the midst of distraction." -Saul Bellow, "Writers at Work: Third Series", 1967} What might have been is becoming what is. The painting Burnt Norton is closing in on its own personal conclusion. Burnt Norton is close to finality. It is rounding its final corner toward a center that is an abstraction which denotes perpetual possibility. Further away from its personal possibility is the painting Chaos, Stillness & Prayer.
A note of interest: Burnt Norton was twisted my me, 1° counter-clockwise. This happened about three states ago. Now I feel the same about Chaos, Stillness & Prayer. It requires a 1° counter-clockwise rotation. What is happening in the studio? My eyes see the need for rotation here before I see it in the real life of the studio. I immediately realize the required twist when I see these images in the concise rectangle of my computer screen. Why do I miss it on the larger rectangular work wall of the studio?  Drawing 11·14·2018, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Approach can swing from fully intellectual to fully emotional. The sweet-spot must be somewhere in-between. The sweet-spot is not-too-soft, not-too-hard, but just-right; yes it is something Goldilocks would enjoy!
Yesterday's drawing consumed my entire studio time. That drawing is intricate and it is thoughtful, but it felt dry in-the-making. This drawing was born mostly from my intellect and less from my emotions. Does it fail the viewer because it is not fully human? This is my worry. Living well, making art well, both are not fully intellectual nor fully emotional. Art, if done well, contains a balance of intellect and emotion. So how do I do this in a way that fully represents me? Perhaps, if this drawing were a bit different it would be more emotionally successful. For instance, if the form on the bottom right were larger, would its contrast create emotional stress through a dramatic emotional juxtaposition of forms? Instead it is so well balanced as to be comfortably numb. I do not want to represent this drawing as poor, or inadequate. It is an excellent drawing; but it just does not speak with a striking amount emotional energy. I want more. OK, I know how to put together a nicely balanced composition, one that is intellectually satisfying. Again; I want more! I want to see the stresses of existence in my art; the push and pull between my intellect and my emotions. The quest is truth and representation of the authentic consequence of living. I am getting closer. Writing, as I am today, is a call for my instigating a great effort to move closer to full satisfaction, me delivering a performance that fully and completely represents all I feel and know. (Beethoven's Ninth Symphony come to mind!)  Drawing 10·17·2018, pencil n paper, 16x20 inches I did prepare a new canvas for a new painting. It is ready to go, and I am too! The drawings from the last two days tell me this: these drawings illustrate a direction I do NOT want to go. They are too static. Each develops compositionally around a firm set of forms. These forms give spatial direction, and solidity, but movement is restricted. I enjoy loop-da-looping within a rectangular piece of paper or canvas. Yesterday's drawing does drive the viewer from lower right to upper left, but then what? It is play, but in a static space. This is dull. It could be nice for a different kind of artist. Even Piet Mondrian (1872-1944) made static compositions at the bringing of his mature period (around 1920). Mondrian was the most staid and sober of artists, yet ultimately his static use of bars and colors transformed to images of great animation. I show you an early Mondrian (1921), and a late one (1944); see both below this post.  Piet Mondrian, "Tableau I", oil on canvas, 1921  Piet Mondrian, "Victory Boogie Woogie", oil on canvas, 1944  "Burnt Norton" (2018 No.8, state 16), oil on canvas, 63x66 inches {"What might have been is an abstraction; Remaining a perpetual possibility; Only in a world of speculation. What might have been and what has been point to one end, which is always present. Footfalls echo in the memory." -T.S. Eliot, "Burnt Norton"} Once upon a time, not too long ago, I disliked the process of finishing a painting. I falsely believed full clarification was tedious, and had questionable merit. I no longer feel that way! I now know I must dedicate myself to properly finishing the construction of Burnt Norton. The enormous thought and energy I have placed into Burton Norton's construction has instigated in me profound responsibly for its final outcome. Emotional and intellectual nuance radiate in every bit of Burnt Norton's composition. I am deeply invested. If I abandon Burnt Norton before I have fully tested my knowledge I would relinquish the possibility of my greatest insights. This is about me clarifying the depths of my knowledge and my emotions. To stop before bewilderment would deprive me of full insight. Without full insight I would proceed to the next painting without knowledge of possibilities.
That said, Burnt Norton may be complete, or it is very close to complete.  Drawing 09·22·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches One more worry: Is my work too complicated, too subtle? Is it beyond the grasp of most viewers? I see visual connections across wide expanses of canvas and paper. I do not think I am deluding myself. Yesterday's drawing does work well. There is a solid core, there are rhythms and rhymes, there is movement and motion, there is value contrast, there are a large variety of forms, there is light, there is structural integrity. So, why is it not a hit? I believe it does hit well. Then why are viewers not begging that it be put in public venues? What are they not begging to see it up close and personal? Art that speaks truth should be seen. Perhaps Vincent Van Gogh wondered the same.
In yesterday's blog I quoted a New York Times article from March 22, 1992. The following paragraph, from the same article, is relevant to my worries of today: "Cezanne's career might have been as grim as Van Gogh's -- and as short -- had he not been the son of a banker and, ultimately, his heir. As it is, his progress from clumsy Expressionism to a sublime fusion of the monumental and the ethereal has attracted scholars from Roger Fry to Meyer Schapiro and John Rewald." (from the New York Times article, ART; How Cezanne Evokes a Bach Fugue, published March 22, 1992)  Drawing 09·13·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Never perfection, always questionable; art is like life, i.e., striving to be better is a noble thing with no end. There should be a better way to see clearly, to see well, to get it right. There is not. Work is the only way. Yesterday's drawing is me trying circular composition. It is like dancing on a stage without any indication there is the possibility to exit. Is this a better way to make a composition? Henri Matisse often did it this way. Matisse must be respected! Notice the Matisse paper cut (below): There is a circular dance of forms against playful, various sized and colored, terra-firma-like blocks as ground. Those blocks solidly secure the stage, thus allowing the circles to dance in contrast to the rectangles they dance upon.  Henri Matisse, "The King's Sadness", gouache on paper cut & pasted, 1952  "Burnt Norton" (2018 No.8, state 2), oil on canvas, 55.5x66 inches {"What might have been is an abstraction; Remaining a perpetual possibility; Only in a world of speculation. What might have been and what has been point to one end, which is always present. Footfalls echo in the memory." -T.S. Eliot, "Burnt Norton"}  Drawing 09·11·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am all over this. Incredible to me, the creator, this game of making-art is in control. My knowledge can be plucked from everywhere; it surrounds me; my brain is on fire; omnipresent are ideas that can be identified as true. This does not make my task faster, easier. In fact the road just got bumpier; my speed has slowed because there is so much I can do with every mark I make. It is much more than marks. It is composition and form and light and color and repetition and pattern et cetera et cetera. Crazy full of possibilities but also crazy specific with solutions that actually make sense. Solutions that speak truly, speak authentically, are several and few. Finding them is my task.
 Drawing 07·26·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches It is simply a great drawing. You have to see it to believe it! My work is hitting harder in all the ways art should hit a viewer. Yesterday's drawing is substantive; emotive in texture, emotive in form, emotive in composition, emotive in light and in darkness. One dictionary definition of texture is "the character or appearance of a fabric as determined by the arrangement and thickness of its threads." This happens in Drawing 07·26·2018, except the threads are replaced with pencil marks. Wow & Zow! Sticking with it makes sense. Even the most unlikely of avenues, when followed with ardor and passion, result in excellent results. I quote again Oliver Wendall Holmes: "Every calling is great when greatly pursued."
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December 2018
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