I believe I must give into my authentic impulses. As I make, if I recognize a bit of representation, I am animated. I think, "This is real! This is a base looking for a play.” This bit of representation gives me an anchor. It gives me a scene that feels true to touch and life. Looking back at my recent output, I believe my best works contain this token of visual reality. That means something! In the least, I have to explore this grab for bits of representation. In the first drawing shown today, the one from 5/21/2022, I exhibit this most clearly. In fact, if you go back to my blog post of 5/22/2022, in that same drawing you will see the human head more abstractly. State 1 of this drawing did not work as well for me as State 2; yesterday’s change startles me. This drawing feels vastly more true; it is much better because of a minor change toward a more recognizable form.
Yep! Closer! I am not satisfied. Today’s image of “Arena” represents a step in my journey, a depiction that works better than its last. Better means declarative movement toward complete, flawless correct. Better is movement toward an impossible goal.
I will never be done. I like the painting, "Arena", but I am disquieted by it as well. This unease drives my anxiousness. I cannot get all my ideas into one painting, nor can I ever say, "This completely makes sense to me!" Everything I do is a test. After each test I know better; that does not mean I am closer to a completely true answer. Every answer in incomplete. I will continue on my investigative journey, a quest without an end.
Not sure what to think about this drawing… This is not equivocation, but ambivalence, and insecurity.
I made a simple promise to myself. Turns out the simplest of promises are difficult to keep. The painting and the drawing I worked on yesterday, these grab my promise, make it real; that is, these works center their compositions, make viewers immediately aware of their intensions.
No delusion; this is my hope. These two drawings are manifest my entire live in searching of the stuff I know to be true, true to me. The drawing at the top resembles a painting I did when studied with Philip Guston; I have come a long way since then. These drawings accept my natural impulse, my nature of seeing. Acknowledgement means a big step because I added my personal record of effort and learning to natural impulse; technical learning allows me to make substantial stuff my younger self could only imagine.
Taking risks does not mean more than step taking. I want to be satiated; that will never happen. Art-Making is looking. With every step I take I get closer to making sense to myself.
The subject of the painting "Arena" is usual. It begs for a next step. I am happy with the next step being necessary. The next step will be here and/or the painting that follows this one.
I am nowhere near satisfied with this new painting, "Arena" (its name may change as it slowly comes into its own).
Today's work is better than yesterday's poor answer. There is life here. Life is full of questions, I make art because I try to provide answers. Each work of Art is one possible answer. Nothing more.
This is test. Did this drawing do what I want I want my drawings to do? I don't know. This drawing is sparse and complex; it exhibits limits in space and time. This drawing does not work as well as I wish. Still, testing is important, always interesting. Limitations are identified through Art-Making.
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