 Drawing 12·30·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I have a new camera, a Nikon Z6 Mirrorless SLR. I used this camera to photograph my work reproduce in my last three blog posts. For today's image I changed exposure; I opened the lens aperture by +0.3 stop. The result is being able to see the subtleness of this drawing. This photo is a much better reproduction than achieved using my previous camera (Nikon D3300, a mirrored SLR).
As a work of art, yesterday's drawing is one more a step toward self-realization. I do feel I am on the cusp of great work.  "Stubborn & Egotistical" (2020 No.4, state 7), oil on canvas, 67½x55 inches {"If we've learned anything from the best-selling 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' children's book series, it's that those who see themselves surrounded by idiots are usually idiots themselves." -Jakob Augstein, "Stubborn and Egotistical" (Spiegel Online, 3/25/2013)}  Drawing 12·29·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 12·29·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I feel clear, lucid, like I know what I am about. Here I am. As 2020 comes to a close, among its turmoil and ruin, I am thriving. Let it be!
The works I show today exude me. That is not new. The new is there are three of them. All of them make sense! They came by internalization. They presented to me, and now to you. These are glorious days! Glorious, because, for the moment in the making of these works, the world I inhabit made sense to me. The sense is, indeed, a grasp of nonsense as well. Clarity of nature is acceptance of confusion. The confusion is in the limits of control. The unanswered question is the non-reason that we lack control. I want it to make sense, but much sense is impossible. These artworks accept their limitation; they celebrate acceptance of limited knowledge. Clarity means acceptance. Limitations are pushed hard. As I worked on these I was pushing on my edge of knowing, each touch went a bit further than the last. By pushing the limits I am pushing beyond yesterday's limits, moving the boundary of understanding a bit further with every effort.  Drawing 12·27·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Looking for nirvana never fails to fail. This drawing is a start in the right direction. Seek and I shall find. This drawing finds merit in directness coupled with complexity. Here are large individual forms, within the large forms complexity is found. This is not the perfect accomplishment. It is a finding; not conclusive, but a verdict of merit that is preparation for my next step. I received a gift of a calendar for 2021. It contains 365 art images, mostly paintings. Its cover shows Vincent Van Gogh's Still Life with Irises (one of Vincent's greatest masterpieces, completed in the last year of his life, 1890). You see one of my inspirations in this painting. Vincent used simple color, simple large forms, but then playfully created a complexity of lines, shapes, and value contrast within the irises. Van Gogh's Still Life with Irises is satisfying on many levels. I absolutely adore this painting. It is a treasured lesson in emotional truth telling.  Vincent Van Gogh, "Still Life with Irises", oil on canvas, 92x73.5 cm, 1890  Drawing 12·20·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Satisfaction is impossible for me. I took a few days away. I celebrated this Winter Holiday Season with family and friends. I return to the studio today, unsatisfied. I know I can express more fully. I know I have succeeded and failed. Today I show the last drawing I did, back on December 20. The skill this drawings exudes is undeniable. That is not enough for me. I want more. I return to the studio armed with a new camera, a Nikon mirrorless camera. Everything else is the same.
 Drawing 12·19·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 12·19·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Have these two varieties sprung from the same artist?
 Drawing 12·18·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 12·18·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches The end of worry is impossible. Holidays may sweep one away from actual concerns, into distraction. That is not the end of worry! I do not want to stop worrying. I want to continue to make art, to question, to answer, to fail, to strive to succeed. My work is always now; my work is always in transition. My art is becoming more me. These drawings are exceptional in focus, extraordinary in questions asked, thrilling in answers given. Each drawing informs; there are better answers coming. These drawings are spirited and wonderful; they are also stepping stones to more and better.
 "Clever Liars" (2020 No.1, state 12), oil on canvas, 56½x47½ inches {"Clever liars give details, but the cleverest don't!" - anonymous}  "Stubborn & Egotistical" (2020 No.4, state 6), oil on canvas, 66½x55 inches {"If we've learned anything from the best-selling 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' children's book series, it's that those who see themselves surrounded by idiots are usually idiots themselves." -Jakob Augstein, "Stubborn and Egotistical" (Spiegel Online, 3/25/2013)}  Drawing 12·13·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 12·13·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches No longer do I see anything I make as an end product. Everything is in process. Everything can be better. Everything I make is a study, each is preparation for the next thing. One glance at a drawing, or a painting, I am discontented. I can do better. That said, everything shown today is splendid. These are among my best works, ever!
 "Stubborn & Egotistical" (2020 No.4, state 5), oil on canvas, 64½x55 inches {"If we've learned anything from the best-selling 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' children's book series, it's that those who see themselves surrounded by idiots are usually idiots themselves." -Jakob Augstein, "Stubborn and Egotistical" (Spiegel Online, 3/25/2013)}  Drawing 12·12·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Back, forth, up, down, try this, then that, then this again... do it over and over until it is as good as I can perceive at the moment of perception. After some time alone, in dreams and elsewhere, more knowledge becomes apparent. With more knowledge I am able to proceed, find better solutions. This is the process of making art. The results are a result of testing. Failure has happpened; there has been some success too!
In the work I show today you can see a common theme. These are me seeking profoundly voluminous forms, ones that have bulk and weight.  Drawing 12·11·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Sometimes a drawing is just a drawing. This one is not about yesterday. Of course, it looks back and it looks forward, but it is really about now. Always, I wonder about contrast is scale, contrast in shape and form, contrast in value. This one researches all of that, and more. This play on contrast is an emotional play. It engages the viewer in discord and sedition. It asks for rebellion. It requests one to accept something completely different. It is a rabble on the left impinging on the simple and pure on the right. Who wins this fomentation of discontent? If it works well, you and I see and understand more deeply than before our encounter with this drawing.
 Drawing 12·10·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 12·05·2020 No.2 (state 3), pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Yesterday's work was about the work from the day before yesterday. And so it goes. The continuum continues.
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