Category: Meditation

Unique & Questioned

6/3/2020

Drawing 06·02·020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches

My art is, indeed, unique. It must be questioned. Is this the best I can do? Does this represent me? Am I engaging the viewer in a conversation about the here and the now and who we are? Does this approach make sense? I am asking, "Am I wasting my time?" Is my work valuable to more than just me? Doing it feels like mediation; it profits me. I want more. I want my art to be relevant to everyone. Touching everyone, with emotion and intellect, is impossible. Many won't pay attention; many are just not interested. A lot of people are preoccupied with other things.

I am strongly committed to the journey I am on. Again, it feels like meditation. As I make art, my thoughts come in/go out, new ones arrive, old ones depart; time is irrelevant; being is relevant.

Yesterday's drawing achieves much of my recent ambitions. It is classically centered. It hits the viewer head-on. It plays well spatially. It plays with contrast of forms and contrast of value; this image is static, yet demandingly varied; thus it causes the viewer to come straight in, wander, linger, and think. Still, I question, "Is anyone paying attention?"

Stepping Out

1/21/2019

"The Doctrine of Liberty" (2019 No.1, state 2), oil on canvas, 66x59.5 inches {"I believe there is a golden thread which alone gives meaning to the political history of the West, from Marathon to Alamein, from Solon to Winston Churchill and after. This I chose to call the doctrine of liberty under the law." -Anthony Sampson, "The Changing Anatomy of Britain", 1982}

I make my paintings slowly, meditate my way from step to step. I do not feel deliberate intention until I am provoked by my intuition to act. It helps immensely to trust my instinct; then my work flows like a dance. I step out to rhythms and rhymes. Adjustments are made by something akin to muscle memory in a dancer. Knowing the next step reveals itself as the last step is in the act of completion. The painting, The Doctrine of Liberty, has a long way to go. My personal challenge is to find joy in the slow revelation that my painting's insist upon. This is showing up. This is work. I feel lethargy before I begin to work. At the moment I place a mark on the painting I fall from lethargy of fear to joy in action. I have begun to expect this transition. I have the courage to begin to mark, to begin to paint. Nevertheless, showing up to work has its initial moment of dread. I push through it; I begin to live!

From Wikipedia regarding "pondering"...

The strength of chess programs depends very much on the amount of time allocated for calculating. Many chess programs use pondering to improve their strength. Current programs cannot create strategic plans, so a program simply tries to predict the opponent's move and begins to calculate its response. If the opponent's move has been guessed correctly, then the program continues to calculate. If the prediction fails, the program begins a new computation.
Pondering is less effective than normal thinking. For example, if the program guesses 25% of the opponent's moves correctly, the use of pondering is on average equivalent to increasing the normal calculating time by a factor of 1.25.
In chess games between two computers, pondering makes sense only if the competing chess engines use separate processors or cores. If they share the same core, the pondering program steals half of the time from the program thinking in the normal way and uses the stolen time less effectively. For this reason, chess GUIs have an option to turn the permanent brain off.

Time & Again

8/10/2018

Drawing 08·09·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches

My great affection for art-making is related to its probability of complete immersion; when making something of high personal relevance nothing exists except me and the art-object. It is glorious! Yesterday's drawing went that way. You know it when you see it. Look at yesterday's drawing. Its impact is immediate. It is exceptional!

I wish everything I made felt this right. It is by confluence of multiple factors that I achieve activity as satisfying as the making of this drawing: great energy, emotional stability, depth of personal insight — it is perfection in balance and sensibility!

The more I practice art-making the more often I achieve this totally satisfying immersion. It is akin to the practice of meditation. The more one meditates the deeper the insight. Practiced well, these non-verbal pursuits are similar — art-making and meditation.

12,638,947 Marks

7/29/2018

Drawing 07·28·2018, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches

It ran away and I caught up with it. This process, the one I choose to engage, is an amazing, meditative, engrossing, fully capturing process. I am not the bold conqueror, imposing my will on the indigenous populace. My art appears mark by mark; I give into its desire to become whatever its wills to be. This one, yesterday's, is rather complicated. It took 12,638,947 marks of mine to become itself... psssst — just kidding — I did not count, but it felt like these marks just kept on being demanded; I completed each request until satisfaction occurred — not my choice).

Discovery

4/30/2018

"2018 No.2" (state 2), oil on canvas, 33x42 inches

Drawing 04·29·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches

My wonderment has extended itself! It is surprise! If I show up, without fail I encounter creativity. I simply seek the stuff that is self-truth. I go to the studio with no preconceived notion. Why am I here? Where am I? I look to the reason I meditate. The RAIN keeps falling: Recognize Emotions, Accept, Investigate, Non-Identify/Detach. My intellectual confusion has given into my deeper self. I do recognize my emotions, I accept them as valid, I investigative them through art-making. Then I step back and look. Being detached is not going well. I do identify with the images I am making. They are being made because I am intellectually detached. My images appear. They are mine. They are me. Now, what do I do?

The painting 2018 No.2 took a big step yesterday. This is a relief. After viewing its first state I wondered if I had lost myself in my earthly activities, i.e., exhibiting in Brooklyn. I am rescued. Yesterday's drawing was made by self wonder. It flowed out of me; I gave into its demands.

Me Chillin'

4/9/2017

Drawing 04·08·2017, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches

Yesterday's drawing is me relaxing into simple give and take. It was like falling down a vortex, not planning, just reacting, not thinking too much, just following the flow and what it demanded in order for this drawing to balance itself. Is this a good drawing? I think so. I did not push for revelation. It felt good in the making because it was meditation. I did not expect anything from it. Its needs were satisfied. Like feeding a dog. I love dogs. Perhaps I love this drawing.