The more I do the more I am in touch with myself. This is more true now than ever before. Therefore, no comments on the drawings I show you today; instead, out I go to the studio. Simple, I want to do more, to make more art.
Yeah, this is a step forward. I did not feel good about the drawings I showed you in my previous post. Looking at these two posts, one after the other, I believe the process I have described, one step back, two steps forward, one back, two forward... fits my process. I wish my process was always forward. Not so, such is the work of becoming true to myself.
I feel better about No.2, compared to No.1, when I look at these two drawings. My progress is slow. I am working toward truth, fullness, and efficacy in my art. In their making, yesterday's drawings felt stilted, as if I was a bit out of touch with my intentions. The authenticity of these, in terms of real self-expression, is in question. I call these two steps, these two drawings, indefinite. Sometimes my work is simply work. It is doing something I cannot define. As accomplishments, I do not feel good about these drawings. These drawings fill the paper, but I am unsure what I have learned in doing them. I do believe all work is good if greatly pursued. Therefore, these drawings must be good.
These drawings please me; they are going the right direction. I can feel their truthfulness.
The drama and solidity of this composition tells me, "I am here! Here, at last!" Getting to the here and the now, with complete honesty as the tag, makes this moment real. It has not come easy. Can I sustain it? Why not? Philip Guston sustained it, and he was no less human than I. This is the most important part of Guston's mentoring. If not for Philip I could not have understood this as the most important component of making art.
The Rock of Gibraltar is not the only thing built to last. I am building substantial stuff right now. I am building art to last. These drawings are deep commitments to truth and the way of sun. They are what they are supposed to be, committed to the heaviness, and to the light, that is everlastingly within us all. Solid as a rock, mindful as in the ephemeral moments they witnessed in their transitory experience of becoming real. I can now declare this journey is mindfully an honest one.
Today I ask you to begin your viewing at the top of this page. I begin with a revisit [as promised in my last post]. That drawing is a rethink; a small tweak to its previous state. It is much better because of a small alteration. This tweak began a flow of questions; many answers follow... 1,2,3,4,5. Rapid is my current thinking. Rapid, not rabid or forced, but measured by investigation. I am in the midst of impassioned research. 1,2,3,4,5 are the spoils from one day. The greatness is the indecisiveness; I have accepted many possibilities. Everything is up for question and query. The lack of one solution calls out the plethora of possibles. Nothing is sacred. Yes, but... I am leading a life self-examined.
I cannot stop myself from seeing necessary improvements in everything I do. I am obsessed by bettering my communication via my images. Both of these drawings are very good, but they also fail to fully realize the depth I know I can reach if I just keep reaching for it.
The top drawing would have been better with a simple twist of space, i.e., it would have been more potent if the meandering frontal form slide its top behind the lighter-valued snake-like form, but remaining in front of the pole-like form. I will fix that today. I will show it to you tomorrow.
The bottom drawing will remain the same. It is a prelude to many more sliding-down-hill compositions, like landscapes in peril of disappearing into the sea.
Deciphering truth is living with circumstances. These drawings are boldly without guile, thus bold questions that are answered as possibilities; there is success and there is failure. These are things unresolved. These drawings are clues to a better tomorrow. Here, in front of you, are emotional and intellectual questions. All of them are accepted as research. That is, here are serious steps toward a better and more lucid reflection upon myself and my self-expression. Come what may, these are exercises in behaving well.
I am working hard to make real the success I seek. Yet success is essentially impossible, at least essential success is impossible. This trek I am on leads somewhere, but not to a where that is known or defined. Given that truth, of truth being impossible, true success is impossible. Along the way, snippets of it can be, and are, viewed. This happened yesterday. Despite my inability to be totally happy with any one work of art that I make, I am happy that a step I made has a glimmer of truth in it. Each step is mushy, without the solidity of full truth, but yesterday's work did yield enough of a true answer to impassion me with the desire to go back and try again. I will do that now.
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