 "Gunfire Across My Consciousness" (2019 No.5, state 9), oil on canvas, 48.5x32.5 inches {"My mind is just like a spin-dryer at full speed; my thoughts fly around my skull... Images gunfire across my consciousness... I jump in awe at the soul-filled bounty of my mind's expanse." -Christopher Nolan, Irish Writer on his reasons for writing "The Eye of the Clock", in November 8, 1987 "Observer"} Methinks this may be done; I am writing about "Gunfire Across My Consciousness", which was started in a flurry of ideas, then bogged into questions with slow answers, and is now coming together in a time of security in knowledge and emotions. I feel good! I believe "Gunfire Across My Consciousness" is a very good painting.
This brings me to the mystery of my creative life. I go through periods when I feel lost, feel very alone; I despair that time and ideas are not great enough. Right now I feel the opposite. I believe I know what I am doing; I just have to show up to get it done. Creativity is cyclical, as are the intellectual and emotional structures in living.  Drawing 09·22·2019 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 09·22·2019 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches "There ain't no sunshine when she's gone." The past is important. Correct filtering is difficult. Correctly remembering lessons learned is difficult. Correct filtering means retaining the good stuff; the bad stuff also retained, but filed in the "don't-do-that-again" folder.
As you view the drawings I show today, think of me as questioning my past propensities. I constantly need to shake my ideas. Too often I surrender to ideas that have worked well for me. Perhaps those old ideas they are misconstrued. Doing stuff that comes easy restricts the profundity of my art. The battle for the sublime is never over.  Drawing 05·01·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Yesterday it felt good to be back; I am making art! I felt insight and glory. Nice! This is the stuff I was born to do! That said, I need to prepare to deliver paintings and drawings to Bromfield Gallery in Boston, due June 3. I cannot rest. I must make both art and frames.
Yesterday's drawing examines my recent interests and ideas. It has a central pyramid and two side panels. This frontal design invites the viewer to enter. Then the wandering begins. Consequently it is a highly successful drawing. As I said earlier, it is good to be back!!!  Drawing 04·23·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I would like to sit here and chat with you, but I got to get ready. In two days I deliver 11 paintings and 12 drawings to AVA Gallery for the June 10 opening of my one-person exhibit.
Yesterday's drawing explores some of my recent ideas, but fails at exploring others. I am trying to put ALL my ideas together in one drawing. I will get there, but I must admit this to myself: The distraction of getting ready for an exhibition is heavy. I know I must accept this distraction as real and necessary, despite my wanting to rebel against this outside-of-myself organizing influence.  "The Doctrine of Liberty" (2019 No.1, state 13), oil on canvas, 67x59.5 inches {"I believe there is a golden thread which alone gives meaning to the political history of the West, from Marathon to Alamein, from Solon to Winston Churchill and after. This I chose to call the doctrine of liberty under the law." -Anthony Sampson, "The Changing Anatomy of Britain", 1982}  Drawing 02·23·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I think it was Linus Pauling who said the most important and most necessary attribute to being a successful scientist is to have a lot of ideas. This is also true for artist. I have a lot of ideas. Too many to relentlessly follow all of them. So, I build a lore within myself knowing; There are many fascinating paths not taken. Even with this lots and lore I sometimes feel I am in a lull. I was feeling that way before I began yesterday's drawing. I was thinking I had finished all my recent drawings with a density of pencil marks; I was not letting enough light get through the cracks. Then I made yesterday's drawing; Now I have a lot of ideas. There are many possibilities to where I go next, all of them exciting and enticing.
I must mention, "The Doctrine of Liberty" is now complete! It is a good one because it drives me to ask more questions. I need more answers; There are always lots of places to go.  Drawing 01·22·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Am I too complicated? Will it be impossible for me to melt my perception down into a simple image? Do I challenge the viewer, and myself, with complications? Am I creating obstacles that prevent easy comprehension? OR, do I have so much to say that there is no way to say it simply?
This dilemma definitely does not have an easy answer. Yesterday's drawing took hours to find and to complete. It was good exercise. I am better for it. I am stronger. As I look at it now I wonder on its message. Does it say profound ideas that are me? I want to be seen for who I am. I want to reveal my concerns, my joys, my sense of humor, my reality. I fear death and I fear life. Am I making myself clear?  Drawing 12·01·2018, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches So, a nit is the egg of a parasitic insect. What does that have to do with art-making? A nit sounds ugly and disgusting. Making art can be involved in ugly and disgusting, but I do NOT think of my art that way. I do, however, believe my many disparate efforts, especially in drawing, are parasitic by nature. After I have produced them (e.g., yesterday's drawing) they cling to my intellect like a parasite. They are there; they have invaded me. Going forward I will be aware of these parasites of ideas whether I want to or not. Yes, some of these nuggets are squished; I do try to discard them if I believe they are useless to me. I am never fully successful at denying their presence — thus the nit-likeness of them! All this is written because I am unsure if yesterday's drawing has a lot of helpful information for me. I define "helpful" as instructive in my movement toward self-realization through art-making.
 "Seriously?" (2018 No.10, state 4), oil on canvas, 48.5x61.5 inches {"All higher humor begins with ceasing to take oneself seriously." - Hermann Hesse, "Reflections", ed. Volker Michels, 1974} It takes more than time in the studio to produce one of my paintings. Thought-power happens now, while I am writing my Blog, while I am in the studio, and much of the time in-between. What a simple thing it would be if I was so present in thought and action that I could make a painting in one studio session! My drawings work that way. I act on a drawing till my ideas run out. That is true about my paintings as well, but the difference between drawing and painting (for me) is this: I am willing to allow slow and steady regurgitation of an idea in the making of a painting; a drawings is always a study. In other words, my drawings are practice and introspection surrounding idea-possibilities; paintings are solidly exploring idea-fulfillment.
 "2018 No.1" (state 3), oil on canvas, 68x53 inches {"Cave", "At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide." - F. Scott Fitzgerald, "Bernice Bobs her Hair" (1920)}  Drawing 05·08·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Within the art I show today can be seen a wide range of my work to come. The expanse of my concerns widens more quickly than I am able to make art. Linus Carl Pauling said, "If you want to have good ideas you must have many ideas. Most of them will be wrong, and what you have to learn is which ones to throw away." When I studied Chemistry Pauling was one of my heroes. I was a very good Chemist, but my ideas came slowly and I wanted fast. Art allows me to move quickly. I am on my own; I don't have to pay attention to the many confusing voices that speak more error than truth. (BTW: One of papers continues to be given high regard in Chemical Oceanography: mehrbach et al 1973, which has been sited 1862 times in the scientific literature.)
 "2017 No.11" (state 15), oil on canvas, 52x54 inches  Drawing 09·21·2017, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I am always hoping I am good enough to do it all in one fell swoop! Not yesterday! The painting 2017 No.11 is better than the day before, but the yellow creep onto the largest form in the composition requires a pullback. That will happen tomorrow. I think that will be the end of it. This painting does require a few other touches (besides removal of the excess yellow). That should be easy. The difficult work is done.
Yesterday's drawing tests a few new ideas. I still think (as I wrote in yesterday's blog post) I am exploring ideas that may instigate a new painting, which should begin shortly. |
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January 2020
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