 Drawing 08·04·2020 No.1, pencil on paper  Drawing 08·04·2020 No.2, pencil on paper Home is where the heart is... that describes my search. I want to be comfortable with my art-making. This is new for me. I have, for years, challenged my own assumptions, my own education, and my learning. I doubted everything I had been told or learned from books and mentors. This brings me here, to today. I am seeking the comforts of home. Thus comes these drawings. Finding a cozy home is not easy. Think about; you live in a home. Is it perfect for you? Like making art, arranging a home to satisfy oneself, to represent oneself, is an ongoing, never-ending process.
 Drawing 07·30·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·30·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I will paint today. Unfortunately, the two spaces on my work wall which are available for painting are occupied. Both paintings on the work wall require completion. So, that is today's task. I am inhaling, taking in my knowledge; I feel ready to burst; I need to begin a new painting! The practicality of finishing restricts me; I will hold my breathe, finish at least one of the two paintings on my work wall, then I will blow out strongly; out will come a new painting. The new painting will represent my acquisition of understanding, which (right now) feels very broad, very strong, and very full.
Yesterday's drawings are grandly excellent. I know this. I feel this. Yesterday's drawings exhibit great maturity. I am ready to paint with great maturity. Maturity to me means I know what I am, who I am. It is time to express myself with this newest of feelings.  Drawing 01·28·2020, graphite on paper, 20x16 inches An ancient part of us, a remembrance of things past, is shrouded by current events. Communication between souls requires our most ancient information become accessible, available to be perceived on the surface of our knowing. I strive to make our ancient knowledge as present as that known through the schooling of our intellect. Yesterday's drawing pulls a few triggers, ones that lie beneath the wave that hit the shores of my presence tense. I am diving, dumpster diving, into the food that others have passed off as distractive to their daily lives. I work in hopes of connecting the here and the now with the fullness of all knowing, past and present and the future I find as I walk forward, step by step. Look as you fall into this drawing. Through light and darkness, and because of the pressure that is a spatial drop, join me in seeing more than the simple gift of representational knowledge.
 "Gunfire Across My Consciousness" (2019 No.5, state 9), oil on canvas, 48.5x32.5 inches {"My mind is just like a spin-dryer at full speed; my thoughts fly around my skull... Images gunfire across my consciousness... I jump in awe at the soul-filled bounty of my mind's expanse." -Christopher Nolan, Irish Writer on his reasons for writing "The Eye of the Clock", in November 8, 1987 "Observer"} Methinks this may be done; I am writing about "Gunfire Across My Consciousness", which was started in a flurry of ideas, then bogged into questions with slow answers, and is now coming together in a time of security in knowledge and emotions. I feel good! I believe "Gunfire Across My Consciousness" is a very good painting.
This brings me to the mystery of my creative life. I go through periods when I feel lost, feel very alone; I despair that time and ideas are not great enough. Right now I feel the opposite. I believe I know what I am doing; I just have to show up to get it done. Creativity is cyclical, as are the intellectual and emotional structures in living.  Drawing 09·17·2019 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 09·17·2019 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches There is a world out there that I find difficult to understand. Accepting this conundrum instigates my art. I cannot stop myself from trying to understand. I want to understand everything! Of course I fail. I lack time, which translates into enormous gaps in my knowledge. If I knew more would I understand more? This too is a conundrum. My mind may be too pure, thus resistively naïve. The world is a messy place, with minds creating all kinds of tricks to deceive, as well as many minds making an effort to make clean and nice. The collision of these two forces overwhelms me. I like the studio. It is comfortably mine. My studio is inhabited by a mind that I am trying to comprehend. I do believe I am making progress.
Yesterday's drawings (I believe) are progressive. I doubt myself, so today I will return to the studio.  Drawing 03·06·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches You know it when you see it! I knew it when I was doing it! This drawing is a jump in expression of knowledge and emotions. It fits me like a correctly sized glove. It is a hallmark of great things to come. Am I gushing too much? Methinks "No!"
 Drawing 01·19·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Never perfect! Always failure! Always a modicum of success! The next is always better. Examining work is good. Examination informs; it helps me see necessary adjustments; it makes clear the difference between proper notes and those out of tune. I learn. There is a lot to like in yesterday's drawing. Learning is endless. I am on a path; a faithful path to better work.
 "Along for the Ride" (2018 No.7, state 14), oil on canvas, 65x53 inches {"Maybe the best thing would be to forget being right or wrong... and just go along for the ride." - Philip Roth, "American Pastoral"} The painting Along for the Ride is very close to completion. It has a major problem. It is in the lower left. It is not the composition. It is the color used to create the shadow on the orange object; it is too dark and does not ring true as representation of the shadow it suggests. This will be fixed today.
Once in a while a painting comes along that is emblematic of knowledge acquired/knowledge questioned. Along for the Ride is such a painting. It is immensely important to my oeuvre. I will proceed out of this painting with greater focus on my own intentions; intentions animated by deeply perceived original consciousness. I discover what I know through actions upon questions; questions that originate from the experience of my existence. Experience is compounded knowledge. Knowledge is a compendium of reaction to experiences; positive, negative, and neutral.  "The Intervening Tick" (2018 No.6, state 2), oil on canvas, 49x33 inches {"Is that where wise men want us to live; in that intervening tick, the tiny slot that occurs after you have spent hours searching downtown for that new club and just before you give up and head back home?" - Billy Collins, "The Present", from "New Ohio Review" 2017}  Drawing 07·08·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches My life is dominated by art-making. A close second is poetry. Then follows punditry. At times it gets all-mixed-up, i.e., thinking without being convinced. It annoys me when a person believes they clearly know correct from fallaciousness. The dictionary defines a "pundit" as "an expert in a particular subject or field who is frequently called on to give opinions about it to the public" and "an expert, authority, specialist, doyen(ne), master, guru, sage, savant, maven, buff, whiz." It amazes there is such thing as a pundit in this world full of limitations. Punditry is 50% correct. It is like flipping a coin. Me, I am artist. I don't subsist on punditry, but I am a pundit to myself. I prefer poetry because it exudes self-doubt. If I was absolute, sure of my ideas, I would have one great idea and I would make one great painting. Alas, not being sure is a good thing. I am busy with questions. I am busy with answers, a multiplicity of answers. I am a poet. I am not a pundit.
 "Chocorua" (2018 No.5, state 4), oil on canvas, 36x54 inches {"A substitute for all the gods, This self, not that gold self aloft, Alone, one's shadow magnified, Lord of the body, looking down, As now and called most high, The shadow of Chocorua" - Wallace Stevens, "The Man with the Blue Guitar", verse XXI}  "Adjective" (2018 No.4, state 8), oil on canvas, 63x61 inches {"As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out." - Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson" (1894) chapter 11}  Drawing 06·28·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches This game of art-making is simple... Just show up in the studio, make an effort to ring it true, i.e. make art that makes sense to oneself, then move on. Moving-on is not letting go, it is accepting the accumulation of knowledge; trying again to make an even more true-to-oneself image.
Yesterday both paintings shown here, Adjective and Chocorua, are better than the day before. This is me hearing (or should I say, "seeing") a bell ring true. Yesterday's drawing is more a question than an answer, or (If you prefer) it is an answer that does not fully ring true. |
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September 2020
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