 Drawing 01·19·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Never perfect! Always failure! Always a modicum of success! The next is always better. Examining work is good. Examination informs; it helps me see necessary adjustments; it makes clear the difference between proper notes and those out of tune. I learn. There is a lot to like in yesterday's drawing. Learning is endless. I am on a path; a faithful path to better work.
 "Along for the Ride" (2018 No.7, state 14), oil on canvas, 65x53 inches {"Maybe the best thing would be to forget being right or wrong... and just go along for the ride." - Philip Roth, "American Pastoral"} The painting Along for the Ride is very close to completion. It has a major problem. It is in the lower left. It is not the composition. It is the color used to create the shadow on the orange object; it is too dark and does not ring true as representation of the shadow it suggests. This will be fixed today.
Once in a while a painting comes along that is emblematic of knowledge acquired/knowledge questioned. Along for the Ride is such a painting. It is immensely important to my oeuvre. I will proceed out of this painting with greater focus on my own intentions; intentions animated by deeply perceived original consciousness. I discover what I know through actions upon questions; questions that originate from the experience of my existence. Experience is compounded knowledge. Knowledge is a compendium of reaction to experiences; positive, negative, and neutral.  "The Intervening Tick" (2018 No.6, state 2), oil on canvas, 49x33 inches {"Is that where wise men want us to live; in that intervening tick, the tiny slot that occurs after you have spent hours searching downtown for that new club and just before you give up and head back home?" - Billy Collins, "The Present", from "New Ohio Review" 2017}  Drawing 07·08·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches My life is dominated by art-making. A close second is poetry. Then follows punditry. At times it gets all-mixed-up, i.e., thinking without being convinced. It annoys me when a person believes they clearly know correct from fallaciousness. The dictionary defines a "pundit" as "an expert in a particular subject or field who is frequently called on to give opinions about it to the public" and "an expert, authority, specialist, doyen(ne), master, guru, sage, savant, maven, buff, whiz." It amazes there is such thing as a pundit in this world full of limitations. Punditry is 50% correct. It is like flipping a coin. Me, I am artist. I don't subsist on punditry, but I am a pundit to myself. I prefer poetry because it exudes self-doubt. If I was absolute, sure of my ideas, I would have one great idea and I would make one great painting. Alas, not being sure is a good thing. I am busy with questions. I am busy with answers, a multiplicity of answers. I am a poet. I am not a pundit.
 "Chocorua" (2018 No.5, state 4), oil on canvas, 36x54 inches {"A substitute for all the gods, This self, not that gold self aloft, Alone, one's shadow magnified, Lord of the body, looking down, As now and called most high, The shadow of Chocorua" - Wallace Stevens, "The Man with the Blue Guitar", verse XXI}  "Adjective" (2018 No.4, state 8), oil on canvas, 63x61 inches {"As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out." - Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson" (1894) chapter 11}  Drawing 06·28·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches This game of art-making is simple... Just show up in the studio, make an effort to ring it true, i.e. make art that makes sense to oneself, then move on. Moving-on is not letting go, it is accepting the accumulation of knowledge; trying again to make an even more true-to-oneself image.
Yesterday both paintings shown here, Adjective and Chocorua, are better than the day before. This is me hearing (or should I say, "seeing") a bell ring true. Yesterday's drawing is more a question than an answer, or (If you prefer) it is an answer that does not fully ring true.  Drawing 06·07·2018, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches This is an amazing drawing. It is amazing in its queries, its discoveries, and in its value nuance. But those qualities ain't seen here! I tried for well over 20 minutes to reproduce it accurately, as seen in real light in the real world. I failed, miserably! Giving up, I show it in the manner seen here. I show this drawing along with this cautionary tale: Please realize there is a lesson in life here. Life lived cannot be reproduced accurately. We make films, we produce plays, we write novels, we write poems and essays, i.e. we make art. Art is a reflection of the authenticity that is living. Art is an effort to reproduce the authority that is living. Art fails as accurate reproduction of things experience in form, in emotions, in intellect. Therefore, my failure to reproduce this drawing well is (Failure) X (Failure) = Failure-squared!
  Drawing 05·06·2018, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches My concerns simply do not matter. This is the path I am following. I do not know this path. Joseph Campbell wrote, “If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.” I believe it. Apparently so did Charles Schultz. Understanding within the moment of creation is not as important as understanding by journeying.
Yesterday's drawing is exceptional. It surprised me during its making; it surprises me now. I understand more by looking at it. This is quantifiable by measuring the amount of questions that have been generated. I feel there are more questions to answer now than there were before I made this drawing. Expansion of consciousness is a result of giving possible answers which procreate more questions. I do not know what I do not know. I do know the number of questions sitting there in front of me are expanding. All require inquiry, all beckon me. Are ideas questions? Yes! My art is me making possible answers.  "2017 No.11" (state 6), oil on canvas, 44x50 inches Quizzical these are... I am asking for more than I know. You can see it in the drawing, in that unnatural swoop around the form on the right. Because I am in jungle territory I am going to tread carefully, watch carefully, act with mindfulness, watch for gorillas, hyenas, snakes, and exotic food. I am seeking true nourishment.  Drawing 07·23·2017, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  "2017 No.6" (state 3), oil on canvas, 66x60 inches I am re-visiting the entire history of Western Art. I am trying to move it forward. Is that grandiosity speaking, or is it reality? One thing is for sure: Nothing has been done that can't be done better.    "2016 No.15" (state 11), oil on canvas, 69x52" Time consuming it is, these demands. My work is calling for it! I am just following its call. The requests must not be ignored. Thus the work makes itself. I am the conduit, channeling visual truth. That first paragraph is scary. It reads like one would expect from a deluded prophet who believes he has been called upon to follow some mystical, spiritual enlightenment. All I know is this: my knowledge continues to expand. I see the work in front of me more precisely than ever. I can feel its need for a dark mark in one place and a subtle gray mark in another. This is the same for color and for form, as well. Each work's requirements are self-evident. Yesterday I completed the painting "2016 No. 15". I am glad. I want to move on to a new painting. Following my theme for today, the painting "2016 No.15" demanded more precise shadowing on its "floor," so I did it! As good as this is, I know I could continue to squiggle, to reform; the niggle is always there, never goes away. In the larger scheme of things, that would be contra-productive. It is better to begin a new work. Lingering on an older work would have me correcting for the knowledge deficiency that was present when I began that work. Rather than trying to correct the initial shortfall of knowledge, it is better to begin anew. It is better to accept the indigenous limits of a work, and move on with greater understanding to a new work, riding with loftier knowledge right from the get-go!     What's it all about? I am certainly NOT stuck in a rut! I am driving along, turning a corner. The turn feels slow, lethargic. It does feel familiar. I am winding up, the tension in my rubber band of a soul is increasingly stretched. I feel taut, stressed, anxious, ready to jump. The coming recoil may not be pretty. My current work does not look pretty. Everything looks unappealingly unattractive. Yet, I am filled with optimism.
Yesterday's drawings are, in a simplistic way, exploratory. What can I do with that which I know? Is this craziness? I am more interested in the unknown than the known? Thus I explore, looking to push out of my comfort and into the revelatory uncomfortable. It would be healthier for me to revel in the simplicity of being, here and now. Would it not be better to be happy with the pleasures available to me? Am I a hero if I risk looking for the dark and dank? Or just a crazy idiot? Time and effort will tell. |
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February 2019
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