 Drawing 11·10·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Whether I am right or I am wrong, I believe in this feeling of Wonder & Glory. I feel discovery. I am amazed. This drawing, my work, it feels right and good. I do fear self-delusion; in any case, I am enjoying this momentary feeling of success. Seldom do I feel entitled to self-respect. Seldom do I feel I owe myself celebratory elation. I have taken a step in the right direction. That's the way I feel.
 Drawing 10·08·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 10·09·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches When does seeing become believing? For me, not soon, perhaps never, perhaps now. I have contempt for my own work. When concluded it never fully satisfies. I doubt success, so I do more. In doing I appreciate my own ability to see and feel my way to sense and sensibility. In the conclusion I find no happiness. I like these drawings, I doubt these drawings. Therefore I return to make more.
 Drawing 08·28·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·29·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am coining a new phrase, Referential Representation. My art-making is most satisfying to myself when my images refer emotionally, and intellectually, to my innermost ideas and feelings. I recognize I feel most successful when I represent my deepest psyche with my images. This full acceptance occurs when my images exhibit references to known forms in my real visual world. These forms are the basic connection we all share, they are our visual reality; as such, they are our visual references to all we know and feel. I believe all abstract art is referential to nature. Nature is in every existing visual form, forms seen in the cosmos, forms seen in our normal-sized everyday living, forms revealed by electron microscopes. forms created by the imaginations of artists, people living today, and those who in the past. I am a compendium of all I have seen.
The drawings I show you today are successful because they are Referential Representation. This is what I feel and this is what believe.  "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 11), oil on canvas, 52x59⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)}  Drawing 08·19·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches The quest is getting more simple. My understanding is less hindered by confusion of the goal I seek. I just want to be common. I want to be common in my ability to engage other human beings. I am looking at a lot of Art that I find intriguing. I am looking at Art that speaks easily to me. I am examining Art for common threads that are its successful means of communication. The work I show today is the result of this quest for commonality.
 "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 7), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} I didn't know! Who knew? Not me! I am in search for personal monuments. One of my greatest influencers is Henry Moore. I adore his work. I have always been intrigued by Moore great, monolithic, monumental sculptures. Henri Matisse said an artist should look at one's earliest works as he searches for self; in doing so the artist discovers his natural affinities and purpose. I believe the most important education for the artist is reflection upon one's earliest impactful, intensely emotional responses to visual discoveries. Yesterday's work on the painting, "Honorable Terms", altered this painting from a mess of form and light to a monument to form and light. "Honorable Terms" now reflects personal centering. Yesterday's work was mindful discovery linked to personal, emotional responsiveness. "Honorable Terms" is now a monumental, intellectual success.  Henry Moore, "Atom Piece", Bronze Sculpture, 1964  "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 6), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} I am in a special place right now. I know and I do. That is how I feel. Quickly I recognize right and wrong. That is how I perceive it. It is, like Picasso said. Making-art is similar to being is a room with a draft on your neck from an open window. You recognize it, you close the window. You continue. You move on.
The painting, "Honorable Terms", is more correct today than yesterday. Compare today's state to the one published yesterday. You will see my successful effort toward centering.  "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 9), oil on canvas, 62¾x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} This art-making is a dirty, messy, destructive/constructive process. The painting, "Gonna Speak to the Crowd", is moving between destruction and construction. It ain't over yet. The process has been dramatic, dynamic, revelatory. More will come. I will continue to solve the mystery that is me. I am foolish, yet I do recognize truth when I see it. I am doing enormous work by seeking truth through the process of destroying falsehoods. Simultaneously I am feeling foolish and intelligent. Why did I create complexity that was obviously falderal? I watched myself bending this thing toward NOT speaking to the crowd. How did I allow myself to stray far away from truth telling? I can look back because I post every state of a painting on this blog; I see I lazily followed a path of squiggle and squabble. Did I believe if I did enough mark-making I would find my way? I did delude myself. I can't solve my personal mystery by being indolent about the facts. I must be strong, I must pull upon my heart strings till they yell, "Yes, this is the proper way toward truthful self-expression.
 Drawing 04·21·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 04·21·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am unable to convince myself these drawings are good. They are steps, true steps, but not good enough for cheer or bravado. They are just vanilla envelopes containing honest efforts in the right direction. I am happy for what they are. I feel angst because they fail to fully satisfy. I want more. I want deeper. I want more profoundly me.
 Drawing 04·16·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 04·16·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I can feel it in my bones; the strong desire to make real my feelings. Yesterday I felt incapable of getting there. I work, I work, I move an inch or two, but not all the way. Yesterday I was disgusted with my failure. Other days I am elated because I moved an inch toward success. Real success is impossible. Conundrum grows as understanding grows. A wealth of comprehension merely brings knowledge of incomplete success. Full expression will never be reached because every new, every true idea brings knowledge of ideas unfulfilled.
Yes, yesterday's drawing are good ones. I do not care. I care to go back in, to seek another inch in my quest toward fulfillment of self-expression.  "In the Lost Negative" (2021 No.2, state 8), oil on canvas, 49¾ x58½ inches {We only live between before we are and what we were. In the lost negative you exist... Three ages in a flash: the same child in the same picture, he, I, you..." - Robert Lowell, "For Sheridan"}  Drawing 03·28·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I wish for the best, but I never get it. So, I wish you the best, I hope you get there. I am doomed to fail. That's why I return for another day, another try. Achieving the best is impossible. I am constantly striving to get there. Along the way I do good works. That is me, the moral person in action. It is the moral of my story. It is the moral imbedded in each artwork I make.
Yesterday's work was good, very good. My understanding is creeping toward more depth, more exhibition of knowledge and knowing. Yesterday's drawing, and painting, animate their spaces as a good painting and a good drawing should. Both artworks sit comfortably in front of us, their viewers. I do feel a sense of achievement. Am I satisfied. No way! |
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
January 2022
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