 Drawing 10·06·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 10·07·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 10·07·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am revisiting the drawings of Willem de Kooning. My understanding of their sophisticated command of the rectangle in which they sit is greater than ever. Knowing is one thing, acting with one's knowledge is extremely difficult; making art is a task of extreme mindfulness. This is my trouble. This is my struggle. The three drawings I show you today were created as an act of mindfulness. They are the best I could do when I did them. This internal act becoming external image is the essence of art-making. I am making a great effort to watch the structure of my drawings become real in real time, i.e., real in terms of personal emotion and personal knowing. Watching the knowing become a real image is a transitory experience that is being there as each note is created for better and for worse. It is the act of reacting, putting right the slightly askew mark made before the one now appearing. Compositions grows as do conversations. Command over feelings becoming words is poetry in the making. Perfection of communication is the goal poetry, of the visual arts, and of music. Perfection of communication is never reached.
 Drawing 01·30·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches My art-making has become extremely contemplative and extremely curious. It is decision-making as most important: big versus small, open versus closed, me versus the rest of mankind. In writing that last sentence I am admitting to my gigantic quandary: What is my personal relevance? Communication between you and I happens in all sorts of ways. I am involved in art-making as multi-layer communication between you and I.
I had an intensive dream last night; it is relevant to my quandary. In my dream I became a teacher of Art. I have done that before. I never felt I was a successful Art Teacher. I was unable, or not allowed, to tell my deepest ideas. I never taught art-making as quest for personal authenticity. Instead I taught Art-Making as quest for superior technique and the understanding of the principles and the elements of art and design. I believe my dream is the beginning of a new teaching career. I wrote down my ideas, as Course Curriculum, this morning. This could be the beginning of something great!  "Gunfire Across My Consciousness" (2019 No.5, state 6), oil on canvas, 48.5x31.75 inches {"My mind is just like a spin-dryer at full speed; my thoughts fly around my skull... Images gunfire across my consciousness... I jump in awe at the soul-filled bounty of my mind's expanse." -Christopher Nolan, Irish Writer on his reasons for writing "The Eye of the Clock", in November 8, 1987 "Observer"} I control many parts of my life; I do this to support a long lasting and healthy future. Healthy future is supported by good diet, exercise, and financial security. I work hard at each. Control does help in the quest for excellent physical health, but it is not good for excellent art-making.
Art making is spiritual. I am interested making art rich in spirit. True Spirit means making real my deepest nature. My deepest nature is intellect and emotions; an immense blend of stuff that sings my truths, my wishes, my angst, and my fears. Some might call this personality, but I must qualify: external personality does not always speak the truths hidden in the more complex, internal personality. In making-art I am trying to make real my internal personality. Succeeding in this endeavor means displaying reality. I struggle to be free, I struggle to make real. My internal personality is a bus-load of stuff. The bus needs to crash through the barrier. It is my job to make what I know into what I see. Allowing the crash, allowing the barrier to be destroyed, is letting go of controls, lying down the barrier, making real, allowing the bus load of stuff to empty into view. Yesterday I took one small step. I allowed the paint to go on canvas in surges of truth-making. I sought seeing reality in front of me. The barrier was less than before.  Drawing 05·17·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I continue to struggle to keep thinking, to keep making art in the midst of manufacturing. I am making stretchers and wood panels, putting my paintings upon them. For my drawings I am cutting matts, placing them in frames. Within the discomfort of my current situation I made this drawing. It is a good one. It triumphs over my struggle. Right now I feel this is my plight. Perhaps this is always. I believe, if I just keep doing it, I will triumph. I stick-in there, keep thinking, keep doing; I have not found a problem I cannot solve. My ideas pull me forward. The first limitation is the quantity of my ideas. The second is the amount of time I have to research, to solve these ideas on paper and canvas. I have many ideas, more than I have time to follow. Ideas just keep spilling out of me. I worry about time. It is the limitation of time I worry most about. In his poem, On Living, the Turkish poet, Nâzım Hikmet, wrote, "You must take living seriously that even at seventy, for example, you'll plant olive trees — and not for your children, either, but because although you fear death you don't believe it, because living, I mean, weighs heavier." My paintings, my drawings, are my olive trees; I plant them because my ideas weigh heavy. I must nurture them, make them real. I do not relish looking forward because, although I fear death, I do not take my time to believe in it because living overwhelms me, is heavy upon me. Yes, I take my moments one at a time. On Living --Nâzım Hikmet (1902-1963)  "Along for the Ride" (2018 No.7, state 2), oil on canvas, 57.5x49.5 inches) {"The fact remains that getting people right is not what living is all about anyway. It's getting them wrong that is living, getting them wrong and wrong and wrong and then, on careful consideration, getting them wrong again. That's how we know we're alive: we're wrong. Maybe the best thing would be to forget being right or wrong about people and just go along for the ride. But if you can do that — well, lucky you." - Philip Roth, "American Pastoral"}  Drawing 07·24·2018, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches In my previous blog post I wrote about being wrong. I wrote how important it is to be wrong; being wrong is the most human quality. If you missed this idea it is because you did not fully read the title caption beneath the painting Along for the Ride, which yesterday hit state 2. It is Philip Roth who made this lucid; In his novel, American Pastoral, Philip Roth wrote, "The fact remains that getting people right is not what living is all about anyway. It's getting them wrong that is living." This wrongness applies to art-making too. Wrongness is living art; Wrongness is the inspiration that drives art-making. There would never be a second painting if an artist got it right the first time. Never ridicule any painting; never ridicule any piece of art. All art is authentically human. The best art, I agree, universally connects us.
The painting Along for the Ride excites me. I will enthusiastically work on it again today. Yesterday's drawing is another step forward in my search to find a way to connect everything within a composition: every point, every mark, every form. |
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