 Drawing 02·03·2021, pencil on pap[er, 20x16 inches Clarity can be good or bad; it is always informative. Yesterday's drawing is an example. I find this drawing neither good or bad, but amazingly informative. In its making I discovered I do enjoy touching every portion of the paper. I do enjoy making every mark speak as surface, forcing every mark to call out its position in space. Each mark, therefore, represents a position in the 3D artifice I am creating.
 Drawing 08·18·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am alway getting ready. I ready myself for my next work as I ready the painting, "Amidst a Falling World" for transport to the 70th A-ONE Exhibition at Silvermine Gallery. Yesterday's drawing establishes an intense interest in constant compositional movement and thrust. Every mark is a movement. The forms play with, and against, the inherent, intrinsic movement in each touch and mark. A day of reckoning is always upon me. This drawing is but one step in my relentless journey, a journey in search of self-satisfaction and self-fulfillment.
 "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 17), oil on canvas, 66¼x57¼ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)}  Drawing 08·11·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·11·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches The painting, "Amidst a Falling World", will be exhibited at the prestigious 70th Annual A-ONE Exhibition at Silvermine Galleries in New Canaan, CT. The exhibition opens September 5, 2020. Yesterday I got extremely close to completing "Amidst a Falling World". A couple more touches and it will be complete.
My struggle to make sense of my personal vision has been mitigated by my efforts to complete "Amidst a Falling World". I understand better a means to represent personal clarity because I had to clarify "Amidst a Falling World". There is strength in simplicity. Yesterday I worked to make simple clarity available in my drawings. One of my problems is my sheer love of touch; my enjoyment of making marks has the ability to distract me from clarity; I enjoy making marks that represent surfaces, forms, and the representation of light on forms and surfaces. I get carried away, swept away, as I seek image though marks of graphite. Yesterday's drawing No.2 swept me into many more pencil marks than No.1.  Drawing 07·08·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I draw with such extreme facility that I fear my enjoyment of marking distracts me. Yesterday's drawing is clogged with interesting forms and interesting ideas. But, does this drawing procure expression of my emotional and intellectual self? Or is it simply a joyous expression of marks? Is it just a lot of nice marks because I make marks so well and so easily? I make forms easily too. I compose easily. Do I mark without reservation because it is easy for me? Making Art takes composure, reservation! Art requires qualification; I need to contemplate, be mindful in the doing. Do I agree, or not? Do I approve or not? Acting with reservation means acting in the state of doubt. Mindfulness is being in nexus: knowing, doubting, acting, marking, deliberating, deciding.
 Drawing 05·03·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 02), oil on canvas, 66¼x55½ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)} The title of today's blogpost refers to acceptance; I accept the means to my full express is two-dimensional; I am talking about the reality of my substrates. I make art standing in front of flat pieces of paper and flat rectangles of canvas; I draw upon them, both figuratively and literally. I accept composition as a 2D problem; yes, I enjoy alluding to the in/out artifice of 3D space; I no longer delude myself; I cannot accomplish the emotional power I seek, or full engagement of myself, if I do not first engage through two-dimensional expression.
I feel very good about yesterday's work. It is not an end, but it is a step. I am calling out, I am saying, "I know..., this is reality; here is truth in media. Look! I am expressing myself clearly; Why did it take me so long?" My answer, "Because I thought there was a means to expression through defeating the two-dimensional aspect of paper and canvas." I was wrong. I should make sculpture if I wish solely to investigate via the third dimension. I did once. That was not my bag. I enjoy too much the full sweep of hand and arm, the marking of paper and canvas. I enjoy too much the artifice of light on a 2D surface, and the use of color to do so. I enjoy too much these two-dimensional problems.  Drawing 12·29·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am acutely aware of my failure to use negative space most effectively. I become acutely aware of my failure when I view master drawings, such as those of Philip Guston's (now on view at the Guggenheim Museum in New York City). Philip Guston happened to be my most important mentor. I studied with Guston for two years at Boston University (MFA 1979). Awareness of negative space is awareness of one's own personal, emotional space. Visual emotional communication is marks on blank paper or blank canvas. The emotional communication occurs by variation of marks and forms, and by the space left between those marks and forms. My drawing from yesterday does not do this poorly, but it is not as potently communicative as I want it to be. I failed to fully succeed because I did not effectively describe the stress between forms and marks; consequently this drawing does not feel as much as I feel.  Drawings by Philip Guston at the Guggenheim Museum (NYC), 12/28/2019  Drawing 10·22·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Negative space continues as a major concern. In this regard, I often think of Vincent Van Gogh. His drawings, and his paintings, exhibit deep concern for every portion of the surface. I too am concerned with surface minutia. In yesterday's drawing I tried to animate the negative space through shape contrast and play. I believe it works! Today, as contrary research, I will touch every smidgen of the surface with a mark.  Vince Van Gogh, "Prisoners Exercising", 1890, oil on canvas, 80x 64cm  Vincent van Gogh, "Sower with Setting Sun", 1888, ink on paper  Drawing 10·15·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  "Gunfire Across My Consciousness" (2019 No.5, state 7), oil on canvas, 48.5x31.75 inches {"My mind is just like a spin-dryer at full speed; my thoughts fly around my skull... Images gunfire across my consciousness... I jump in awe at the soul-filled bounty of my mind's expanse." -Christopher Nolan, Irish Writer on his reasons for writing "The Eye of the Clock", in November 8, 1987 "Observer"} Today's title is Wonky. As adjective, wonky is defined as "having or characterized by an enthusiastic or excessive interest in the specialized details of a particular subject or field." I'm obsessed by my quest to discover the subject of my art.
Yesterday's work is full of specialized details, all searching enthusiastically. I am excessively interested in detailed minutia. Every single part on my art pursues mindful visualization. I am getting better at this. Consequently, each mark takes its time, developing slowly, touch by touch, mark by mark. Yesterday's drawing is full of mindful spirit. I approached it as I do meditation. Marks were allowed to dictate their own time coming; they slowly searched, maturing till truth be told. Truth is dictated by intuitive decision-making, only when correctness is perceived do I move on. If I misstep in my journey, erasure is used. Normally methodology is two steps forward, one step back, two forward, et cetera. Not yesterday! The marks came mindfully slow, but the product came more quickly than usual. Mindfulness was more present than ever before. Thus I achieved more in one studio session than usual. I achieved a very good drawing, and I painted well too — both in the same day.  Drawing 09·15·2019 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 09·15·2019 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  "Sentence" (2019 No.4, state 8), oil on canvas, 37x61.5 inches {"And you’d spend years trying to decipher the sentence, until finally you’d understand it. But after a while you’d realize you got it wrong, and the sentence meant something else entirely." - Tadeusz Dąbrowski, from the poem "Sentence"} I love onions. They go in everything I make, except brownies. Moly has two definitions: (1) a southern European plant related to the onion, with small yellow flowers. (2) a mythical herb with white flowers and black roots, endowed with magic properties. I'll go with the second definition because my work is becoming magical; in the very least, it is magical to me! I have been working very hard on staying mindfully centered while making art. This is falling into play that is totally dependent on recognizing momentary truth in my marks, my forms, my composition, and my attitude. I am not sure this makes sense to you, but it is making more and more sense to me. The result is me getting closer to a reality that I cannot anticipate, but I recognize as one step in my path to an unknown, but totally legitimate, future. Holy Moly! My art continues to become more self-fulfilling. This continually surprises me. It is a thrilling journey! It is filled with unexpected truth.
Yesterday's drawings hunker down, into the stuff that makes me want to draw. Yesterday's painting took one more step toward its satisfaction. Yesterday, in an email, a friend of mine said he preferred Beethoven's Symphonies to Beethoven's quartets. I am just the opposite. Beethoven's Late Quartets have, to me, immediate potency; they are an intoxicant I measure by the great amount of my emotional responsiveness. I feel the same about several of Schubert's quartets, and also of a few of Brahms' piano trios. My drawings are my quartets. My paintings are my symphonies. When over and done, I love them equally, but the drawings are more directly related to my immediate emotions. I believe this emotional immediacy is the reason I thirst to listen to Beethoven's quartets more than his symphonies. Beethoven's symphonies are fully satisfying, but like a painting, they take much more time, and involvement, to fully realize. I am an anxious and needy sort; my immediate connection to the nuanced emotions in Beethoven's Late Quartets allows me to fall deeply, into a passionate trance.  Drawing 09·14·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 09·08·2019 (state 2), pencil & acrylic on paper, 16x20 inches Today's second image is state 2 of Drawing 09·08·2019. Titanium white acrylic paint was used to remove the form that dominated the upper portion of this drawing. I eliminated the meaningless. An error in my ways became apparent, it distracted from the important stuff. I reworked the drawing, I found openness, better use of negative space. White, blankness, absence of form; negative nothingness is absolutely required in order to give significance to positive form.
I have been doing too much. I have been making too many marks and too many forms. Allowing discovery without judgment, brings judgment. This authorizes the unavoidable, this emancipates drawing that represents reality. I had relied too much on models. Reliance on models is weakness that engenders error in judgement. My models are the work of artists I admire, also my own work that I believe successful. I had been obscuring my present by relying on ideas from my past, ideas I had seen and understood. My practice of working in the now, allowing my images to spill onto the page, rather than to be manufactured on the page, is correct. My work must represent my knowing and seeing in the moment I am living. This is the goal of mindful art. This is the goal of mindful mediation: (i) Recognize Emotions, (ii) Accept, (iii) Investigate, (iv) Non-Identify/Detach. The consequence is reality. Yesterday's drawing is me practicing the unavoidable. |
To read my profile go to MEHRBACH.com.
At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
December 2023
|
RSS Feed