 "Something Else Entirely" (2019 No.4, state 19), oil on canvas, 38.5x62.5 inches {"And you’d spend years trying to decipher the sentence, until finally you’d understand it. But after a while you’d realize you got it wrong, and the sentence meant something else entirely." - Tadeusz Dąbrowski, from the poem "Sentence"} "Something Else Entirely" has been very difficult for me. I feel I have encountered my evil within. This painting is in state 19, and it is NOT complete! Seeing my evil within is seeing the habits that have distracted me from reality. As I make this painting I am unearthing my faults, encountering my bad habits, seeing the manner in which I fall into erroneous steps while in process. Putting it more positively, because of this painting I have grown more truthful; I have thrown faults into the trash bin; I have accepted a more lucid view of reality. The painting, "Something Else Entirely", is much better now than it was before I worked on it yesterday. Also, I am much better. Honest reflexion upon my failures is the best means to comprehend truth and reality.
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 Drawing 01·28·2020, graphite on paper, 20x16 inches An ancient part of us, a remembrance of things past, is shrouded by current events. Communication between souls requires our most ancient information become accessible, available to be perceived on the surface of our knowing. I strive to make our ancient knowledge as present as that known through the schooling of our intellect. Yesterday's drawing pulls a few triggers, ones that lie beneath the wave that hit the shores of my presence tense. I am diving, dumpster diving, into the food that others have passed off as distractive to their daily lives. I work in hopes of connecting the here and the now with the fullness of all knowing, past and present and the future I find as I walk forward, step by step. Look as you fall into this drawing. Through light and darkness, and because of the pressure that is a spatial drop, join me in seeing more than the simple gift of representational knowledge.
 "Something Else Entirely" (2019 No.4, state 18), oil on canvas, 38.5x62.5 inches {"And you’d spend years trying to decipher the sentence, until finally you’d understand it. But after a while you’d realize you got it wrong, and the sentence meant something else entirely." - Tadeusz Dąbrowski, from the poem "Sentence"}  Drawing 01·26·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches Never be said that quick beauty is upon us. Beauty may be quick in discovery, but quick to production, no. Through an enormity of temporal passage its unraveling approaches real. Even when there is a then, another step will make it better. Thus is it happening here. The painting, "Something Else Entirely" (2019 No.4), is in state 18. It is better than ever, but it fails in many way that I can see. Failure drives me forward. By risk and alteration I will bend this complication toward its required outcome.
Yesterday's drawing is powerful.  "Something Else Entirely" (2019 No.4, state 17), oil on canvas, 38.5x62.5 inches {"And you’d spend years trying to decipher the sentence, until finally you’d understand it. But after a while you’d realize you got it wrong, and the sentence meant something else entirely." - Tadeusz Dąbrowski, from the poem "Sentence"} I never promised you a rose garden, but I do promise the gift of quandary; give, take, wonder, and real; loss, gain, glory and pain; questions answered quickly, slowly, perhaps not at all; the thrust of the brush and the quietude of the touch — it is all here for your consumption and for my journey.
Thus we come to state 17 of "Something Else Entirely" (2019 No.4). This one, I fear, is old and new. I wish for always new; that would not fit the narrative of a life led step by step. "Something Else Entirely" is closer to becoming old. I am closer to beginning a new one. The end here will take a few more steps to obtain. I am willing. I am discovering I also am able; I have the ability to discover this painting's requirements, I have the means to make them real, thus bringing this painting to final rest.  "Something Else Entirely" (2019 No.4, state 16), oil on canvas, 38.5x62.5 inches {"And you’d spend years trying to decipher the sentence, until finally you’d understand it. But after a while you’d realize you got it wrong, and the sentence meant something else entirely." - Tadeusz Dąbrowski, from the poem "Sentence"} I deny everything and I deny nothing. Can there be any greater denial than a third dimension on a two dimensional surface?
 Drawing 01·23·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches Knowledge overwhelms me. Knowledge allows me to follow the cloud covered beat that is my deepest self. This self is amorphous; it is my spiritual life. When working well I feel in tune with the universe and its heartbeat. I am a response. I function the best I can. My effort is making art that reflects the internal touch I feel but am unable to put into words; I make visual art. This happened in yesterday's drawing.
 Drawing 01·21·2020, graphite on paper, 20x16 inches Notoriety is sought, but is not necessary. I will make art whether it is noticed or not, whether my art is enjoyed by others or not. I would like to live easily and well, enjoying financial profits from my art. However, I am a local variety of artist, not an internationally known entity. I make great art. I make art of substance and profundity. My art is depth-filled, emotion-filled, and intellectually satisfying. I make art despite limited financial success? I make it for myself. I live in a world where my country's leader is devoid of substantial talent, unless you call talent his supreme ability to whine. He has whined himself through life; he is great at it! He has whined despite the enormous financial gift from his father. He lies about, saying he is self-made. He has whined so well that the disenfranchised believe his life is akin their theirs; he has convinced those who suffer and worry that he suffers and worries along with them. His power comes from the votes of the disenfranchised, those who believe their best days are behind them. Should I too whine to get noticed? It obviously has profited the man at the top! I make true work; I do not get attention based upon calling out disgraceful and worse I have even seen and sham and hoax or saying my conversations are perfect and I am the best ever! His language says others have failed, and he has succeeded despite evidence to the contrary. Me, I just do my best.
Yesterday's drawing is successful. It is grand in its comprehension, its exhibition of intellect and emotion. Perhaps this drawing marks my graduation from local interest to international interest. I cannot force that leap to happen. If it does not happen it would be easy to whine about it. In my case I know whining is not my route to attention and financial success. Nice if it were that easy for those of us who do real work.  "Inertia to Movement" (2019 No.6, state 3), oil on canvas, 64.5x64.75 inches {"Emotion is the moment when steel meets flint and a spark is struck forth, for emotion is the chief source of consciousness. There is no change from darkness to light, or from inertia to movement, without emotion." -Carl G. Jung (1875-1961), "The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious", 1955, translation R.F.C Hull} The two Carls believe the same thing; i.e., Jung and Mehrbach. There is no change from darkness to light, or from inertia to movement, without emotion. It is me that I seek. I seek me by practicing the best means I have available, my emotional responsiveness. I like the changes that occurred yesterday in the painting Inertia to Movement. Here is witness to my accepting emotional response as responsibility. In this painting the layers of mess are contrasted with clearness and light, they exist in contraposition, one to the other. Through holding two opposing conditions simultaneously this painting exhibits one as true if, and only if, its contrapositive is true. Contraposition  Drawing 01·16·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches It is a mystery to me the vast degree of difference in sight and understanding, one person to the next. George Bernard Shaw told a story in his autobiography, writing that his eye doctor told him that he sees with normal vision; Shaw asked the doctor, "So I see like everyone else?" The doctor replied, "No, less than 10% of people have normal vision." I feel the same about my work. I believe I see with normal vision. My works visually communicates deep understanding, both intellectual and emotional. Yet I find people who celebrate the clarity of my vision far fewer than those who react to it in any substantial manner; they simply walk by. This is my quandary. I will continue my journey. I continue to hope my work will become more universal in its communication, its social intercourse, thus allowing me to share communion with others.
 Drawing 01·14·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches The mystery continues to unfold and unravel. Here is not easy to know, despite it being present and accounted for, it is not seen without pre-colored glasses. Thus work must be done. Yesterday's drawing is such a work. It is a working model. In other words, it is not an end but a means. I am on my path and I know not where it goes. My reaction to yesterday's drawing is good, which is important because it demonstrates I took a good step.
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February 2020
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