 "Reclamation" (2022 No.11, state 19), oil on canvas. 54¾x 57⅛ inches The painting "Reclamation" has hit a wall. Right now I cannot perceive it moving toward increased novelty or more worthwhile insight. I no longer know how it could be altered to make it a stronger statement. Done? I will sit with it a few days before I call it complete.
 Drawing 09·03·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Dredging truth from the bottom of my Atman is difficult; not easy because the sedimentary truth is ridiculously enigmatic, obscured by layers of steps and missteps. Then there was yesterday. I made a great effort to dredge truth. It was good practice. I opened myself to possibilities, left behind some of my self-inflicted education. This is practice, like meditation. The more I do it the easier it is; the more I do it the better I recognize my missteps and my false narratives.
Another thing happened. I have been complaining of frustration. In my 9/1/2019 blog post I wrote, "My frustration is obvious. I have never fully accepted Jackson Pollock's ultimate work as good work. To me, the drip paintings look born from frustration. I always wanted my work to be born from knowledge and skill. Perhaps I need to wake up, accept frustration as useful." A friend wrote to me: "...your art is the product of frustration. When you quit being frustrated you will take happily to the hammock on the porch, beer in hand, spinning yarns to the birds. By the way, they won't listen and you won't care. Seriously, do you think for a moment that El Greco wasn't angry, disturbed, thoroughly riddled with frustration?" Right On!  "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2, state 3), oil on canvas, 55x31.5 inches {"Life is sweet at the edge of a razor; And down in the front row of an old picture show the old man is asleep as the credits start to roll. And I want to know, the same thing everyone wants to know, how's it going to end?" -Tom Waits}  Drawing 02·24·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches It has been a weird day around here. Strongs wind came, the power went out. The torrid winds are still here; the power is now on. Thus here I post! Most of the day was difficult because my internet servers were out. Now I can show my work from yesterday. "How's It Gonna End" is in state 3; it has great distance to grow and change before it looks remotely correct. Yesterday's drawing did new things; it is very instructive. Frustration with the power outage due to strong winds has left me feeling out of control. I have places to go before I sleep...
 Drawing 01·02·2019 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·02·2019 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Here we are in 2019. It is the same. This is what I do. I don't know what else to do. My continuance is a result of my longevity. By living, and doing, I have acquired patience to outlast my frustration. I am confident. If I stick with this activity, this art-making, I will master it. Age has given me trust in my instincts.
Yesterday I listened to an interview of Philip Roth. To my ears, Roth's thoughts rang completely true. Roth said this, "[as artist] sheer playfulness and deadly seriousness are my closet friends." I fully agree. My actions, as artist, reflect my moral stake in everything. I have to get it right. I will not allow deception. I will plug away at art-making as long as I breathe.  "2017 No.14" (state 1), oil on canvas, 47x44 inches Recently I have not had a lot of dull moments. I am lucky to be here, here as "on the internet." The luck is this: Me posting did not come easy today. My computer simply would not connect to the internet. I tried many things to get connected. I am here after hours of trying. I do not understand how it finally worked. OK, let us get to my art.
A new painting was begun yesterday, 2017 No.14. I tried to keep it simple. You see the result. I will not work on it again today. All those hours trying to figure out my internet connection, me on with Apple Care, etc., kept me out of my studio. Now I am off to a dentist appointment. I hate these kind o f days. Recently there have been too many distractions. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, most useful.  "2016 No.14" (state 1), oil on canvas, 67x58.5" Out of the woods? Seeing the landscape more clearly? New and different? The same? I think there is progress. I think there is a move toward better understanding. A couple days ago I thought, "I know something concrete and completely true." Now I find the horizon is far away. Always receding. Getting closer to the horizon is a myth. My myth, because everyone else knows it is impossible to reach the horizon. Along the way I have seen much. Always new and different. Never absolutely clear. But, the despicable woods always confuse, never end. Still, me thinks this is a good start to a new painting. It is new to me. I like yesterday's drawings too.    "2016 No.8" (state 3), oil on canvas, 69x36 inches Perfect reproduction is not the only impossibility. My continued problems with even lighting is obvious in today's reproductions of yesterday's drawings. You can also see the impossibility of absolute perfection in the painting "2016 No.8". I feel I am behaving more more like Cezanne than Picasso. Who am I to know? Looking back from here, it seems to me Cezanne labored toward perfection, which he could never achieve, and Picasso labored as an experimenter, endlessly playing with the myriad of possibilities in emotive expression. I believe I am trying to follow both examples: Obviously frustrating! It is a frustrating battle, this dealing with purity and the messiness of emotions. Yesterday's three drawings play in this spectrum, beginning with the emotional No.1 and ending with purity in No.3.     "2016 No. 1" [Painting-01·08·2016 (state 5)], oil on canvas, 56X60 inches "Freedom doesn't exist unless you use it." I heard this sentence, and the title of today's blog post, on a T.E.D. Radio Hour broadcast. It seems 85% of people, no matter their nationality or locale, prefer to follow blindly. That is, the majority of humans prefer NOT to challenge the status quo. Why is this relevant to me and my art? Because I must be part of the uncomfortable 15%. I am stuck in a rut: I can do nothing else but challenge my current views. This is annoying. I am never happy. I constantly wonder about the quality of my art, its relevancy to myself and others. Are my observations apposite to the conversation about life and living? I take the easy way out. I don't know! I do know one result of doing this. The process of art is me introspectively examining all that I know. Consequently, I am constantly moving closer to knowing if this work is worth doing. Worth doing? I am on a path that satisfies by following my curiosity. This feels useful and good! But, is my work helpful to others in their quest to be connected, purposeful, and determinant? That too would be useful and good!   Drawings from 1/16/2016, pencil on paper, 16X20 inches
 Drawing-06·04·2015, pencil on paper, 16X20 inches I am not sure of the exact meaning of yesterday's drawing, posted above, but it could be two of me. The left guy is erect, confident, with large, open hands; he is strong and ready to go. The right guy is leaning back, leaning away, head sideways; he appears fragile with his small, closed hands. The right guy definitely lacks confidence. I am feeling very good about my artistic development. I will never be fully satisfied, but I am relishing the journey. I believe, for the first time, that I have gathered the necessary tools to do whatever needs to be done. I have reached a high degree of mastery. I have confidence I can achieve that which I can conceive. Through my art I want to interact with the world. This blog exists because I want to communicate. However, this blog's limitations are obvious. Therefore, I accept the necessity to engage in the business of art. I need to get my art out there, into venues that may be seen by those who are emotionally engaged in the visual arts. I also wish to make my art accessible to all and everyone. This brings me to today. In the past I have had many exhibitions, shown my work in important galleries, and been juried into competitive shows. During the past four years I have stepped back from that sort of engagement and I have been writing this blog, exhibiting my work here. Late last year I began to feel the need to step back into the brick and mortar world of gallery exhibitions. I put out a few feelers and applied to several juried competitions. Nothing happened. Call it rejection. So, today I begin to think as a businessman who happens to have visual art as his product. Every Friday I am going to devote time to this effort. Today is Friday.
|
To read my profile go to MEHRBACH.com.
At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
November 2024
|
RSS Feed