Gnocchi may be surprising, but so is me. I am following a call of nature. A call that comes with dirt and glee. No image is perfect, but every image is informative. My problem is being scared and being scarred are not independent. One cannot unsee that which one has revealed. Being good or bad is not known till the experience is complete. The growth of me is the problem of me. I do not know what I do not know. As revelation occurs I feel my personal intimacy has been enhanced. The process is never enough. I am addicted.
The painfulness of being an artist is doing this activity in loneliness. Feedback, good or bad, rarely happens, except from one's own introspection. The problem, the pain of this, comes from distrust of oneself. There are good days and there are bad days. Trust is high, or trust is low. Today I feel good about yesterday's result. I am not saying this is the best of all possible drawings, but I do believe it has merit. The sweetest part of this was in the making. Several times I believed I had misdirected myself. I had to pull a stunt. I forced the drawing back to itself, demanded (as it was) by its own self-revelation. I did it. I made the effort. It eventually made sense. It works for me! This is value. Now I have cash in my brain. It is the currency that buys intuition. I know more, I see better than I did two days ago. Seeing better means the quality of decisions are better because they are better informed. I took two steps forward. The strong feeling of loneliness will come when the inevitable one step backward occurs. I will get through that moment. Then, with effort, I will take two steps forward.
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