With this drawing I have opened the door to the impossibility of an ending. There is no perceivable end because I will never choose an end. All things must pass. The direction I am traveling is built upon sensitive, mindful steps, each a minuscule movement in a long, endless journey. I have too much to do; there is no possibility of being happy with an ending. Yesterday's drawing calls out, "Endless!"
Whatever I do I think it is but one of many ways. Yes, but... it could have that way, or this way, or that, or this.... It is endless.
Can you believe it? More and more are required. There is a "forever without end" doctrine at work here; or is it... "til death do we part"? Time will tell; time rules me and every human. Living forever would be helpful. I think I will solve this, i.e., I will solve myself if I have enough time!
Yesterday's drawings challenge my recent "darken til satisfied" idea. My recent drawings have been very good, but very good and satisfying are two different things.
Returning to the past and coming back again reminds there is no way home. Home is always and never. Only discomfort is available. Time future and time past are irrelevant to time present. Everything I make appears to be on the verge of becoming satisfactory. Satisfaction is impossible. I am compelled to return to action; my quest for fulfillment is endless. I want contentment; I want to make real the idea of who I am. Failure is the only option. Gratification is a carrot; I run but never obtain.
The works I show you today are steps in the right direction. My direction is clear. The endpoint, the goal, the destination, will never be obtained. Appeasement does not work either. Ask Winston Churchill not Neville Chamberlain.
I have been playing for a long time. There is this need in me to make my art more emotive, less cerebral. Cerebral comes across as academic. Academic comes across as pleasing but dull. Dull is never good enough. Dull does not last. I want my art to have lasting power. Without lasting power why do it?
Yesterday's drawings are me lashing out at my own academicism. I know too much to be dull. I know too much to rest comfortably with repeats of my knowledge. I do not do simple repetition. My intellect is relentless with curiosity. I consistently test my knowledge by questioning all I have done. This is the endlessness I am.
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