 "Crevice" (2022 No.7, state 9), oil on canvas, 41⅜x57½ inches I am continually surprised. Paintings do make sense when their sustenance is nurtured through repeated visits. Active alterations do move in the right direction. Proper journeys are not errorless, they contain misdirections, but sticking to it sorts out the path. I am beginning to believe "Crevice" makes sense. This painting does obtain authentic self-expression.
 Drawing 03·30·2022, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Finding my intimate, familiar self, should be simple; it should be a clear, reliable journey, a defined destination. However, the world has confused my vision. Education told me there are ideas that must be valued. I am the sum total of my life experience and my education; together these are vast, not simple; they confuse me because education and experience often contradict one another. My entire life has been devoted to getting to the simple, familiar place. The Artist’s journey is the Artistic activity; it is the sweeping away of confusion, it is the ridding of distractive details, it is honing in on personal truth, making true into consistent activity.
The drawing I show today is one more fleck along my journey. It was, in its active making, a practice of trueness to my spirit.  "Silence, Exile, and Cunning" (2022 No.1, state 10), oil on canvas, 48x57 inches, {"I will not serve that in which I no longer believe whether it call itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use, silence, exile, and cunning." - James Joyce (1882-1941), "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" (1916)}  "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 25), oil on canvas, 64x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} The new state (#10) of "Silence, Exile, and Cunning" is better than the last. This new reproduction of "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" is better than the last. I'm never done. There is more to come.
 Drawing 01·18·2022 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches With this drawing I have opened the door to the impossibility of an ending. There is no perceivable end because I will never choose an end. All things must pass. The direction I am traveling is built upon sensitive, mindful steps, each a minuscule movement in a long, endless journey. I have too much to do; there is no possibility of being happy with an ending. Yesterday's drawing calls out, "Endless!"
 Drawing 12·28·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches There is much going on in this living we do. True, deep reflection, is often placed in a convenient cage outside ourselves. Then, miracle happens. It dawns upon us. True becomes real. Truth be found. Here I am, in the struggle for truth. That is my job. This drawing is one filled with insight, yet unsatisfactory. Full truth continues to be a few steps away.
 Drawing 12·15·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 12·15·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches So what-ta-ya think? Blah, blah, blah... I am in the midst of research and development. Anything I say right now will be similar in tone to the pundits on ESPN or CNBC, pretending to be in the know; today they predict the outcome of Super Bowl 2022 and next week's stock market trends. Well, I am here. I don't know where I am going. I do know I am embarked upon a reasonable and intelligent journey.
These two drawing sparkle with ideas. They sit with impact and truth. Enjoy! (blah, blah, blah...)  "Tonstant Weader Fwowed Up" (2021 No.10, state 5), oil on canvas, 46¾x61¾ inches, {"And it is that word 'hummy', my darlings, that marks the first place in 'The House at Pooh Corner' at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up." - Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), in "The New Yorker", 20 October 1928, reviewed by Dorothy Parker as "Constant Reader"} I am certainly not coming through the front door on this one. A roundabout is happening. I am journeying through mud and muck, yet I am optimistic; the crap will dry on my shoes, the detritus will fall off, I will discover a better, cleaner home to live in.
The painting, "Tonstant Weader Fwowed Up", may have a humorous title, but it is in the midst of a deadly serious journey. My path is not assured. I am working hard. I know I will get to a better place. Today is a brand new day.  "Measure Anew" (2021 No.9, state 02), oil on canvas, 54½x54⅛ inches, {"I had become a new person; and those who knew the old person laughed at me. The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor: he took my measure anew every time he saw me, whilst all the rest went in with their old measurements and expected them to fit me." -George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman" (1903)} All that is new is old. Old can be renewed. I am becoming myself. This new painting. "Measure Anew", is a significant milestone on my journey of at least 36865 days. Nowhere near the end I am. Renewed is my sense of play. For years I go without play. Instead I search in quandary and pain. Then, suddenly, I awake. I find my true path again. This is me now.
 Drawing 09·21·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches My work in this world is pushing, shoving, digging, unearthing. I work, I seek, I find. I believe I am getting better, better all the time, because I am better at following clues, following my nose. Bit by bit I unearth truth revealed as circumstance; each circumstance is built on years of my experiential living, and years of work by those who came before. I am a participant in a cultural revelation, which sometimes feels like a cultural revolution. I do believe we can become who we are meant to be. This journey is instigated by a destination unrealized. I have found a foundation. My work is to construct upon that foundation, one block at a time, one step at a time. Today I give you one step along my way.
 "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 4), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} I am in simple mode, dedicated to centered mindfulness. I am potently aware of my task. Awareness has place me on a path of enhancement, step by step. Actually, this feels more like journey by continuum, not click by click stepping. This relatively simple painting, "Honorable Terms", reflects the simplicity of the idea that has become my mindful journey. This painting is aptly titled for this moment in my present tense mindset.
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
December 2022
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