 "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 4), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} I am in simple mode, dedicated to centered mindfulness. I am potently aware of my task. Awareness has place me on a path of enhancement, step by step. Actually, this feels more like journey by continuum, not click by click stepping. This relatively simple painting, "Honorable Terms", reflects the simplicity of the idea that has become my mindful journey. This painting is aptly titled for this moment in my present tense mindset.
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 "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 6), oil on canvas, 62¾x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} I am marching, step by step, trying to keep in proper step with myself. Yesterday's work done on the painting "Gonna Speak to the Crowd", is an example. This is me seeking good footing, seeking security with each step I take. Is each step perfect, correct, secure? No, not at all; each step does seek security, correctness. I step and listen; there it is, my personal response: good, bad, right, wrong, or questionable. If questionable, I have but one option; I must step again in that direction. I must further explore the deed just done.
 "The Opposite of Indifference" (2021 No.4, state 14), oil on canvas, 54x51 inches, {"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. Because of indifference one dies before one actually dies. To be in the window and watch people being sent to concentration camps or being attacked in the street and do nothing, that's being dead. His or her neighbor are of no consequence. Their hidden or visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the Other to an Abstraction." - Elie Wiesel, "US News & World Report" (27 October 1986)}  Drawing 06·27·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches The end of a painting occurs when the creative experience is satiated. Any further participation is a waste on creativity. Such is the position of the painting, "The Opposite of Indifference" (2021 No.4). I move on. Thus came yesterday's drawing. Experimentation in pursuit of a higher degree of immediate self-expression is in this drawing. I have many steps to take before satisfying my journey. Actually, satisfying a life's journey looks to be impossible, from my perspective.
BTW: That form that twists to the right, out from behind the rectangular pole, should have ended in a similar form, but one much larger. That would have made it a better drawing. Perhaps I will change that tomorrow.  "The Opposite of Indifference" (2021 No.4, state 10), oil on canvas, 54x51 inches, {"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. Because of indifference one dies before one actually dies. To be in the window and watch people being sent to concentration camps or being attacked in the street and do nothing, that's being dead. His or her neighbor are of no consequence. Their hidden or visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the Other to an Abstraction." - Elie Wiesel, "US News & World Report" (27 October 1986)}  Drawing 06·12·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Here I exhibit two works, two steps as I acknowledge centering a composition is necessary to demand viewer attention. The drawing uses negative space more fully than positive space. Is it fully successful? Does it capture your attention? You be the judge. I call it an ardent step in the right direction!
 Drawing 06·04·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  "The Opposite of Indifference" (2021 No.4, state 07), oil on canvas, 54x51 inches, {"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. Because of indifference one dies before one actually dies. To be in the window and watch people being sent to concentration camps or being attacked in the street and do nothing, that's being dead. His or her neighbor are of no consequence. Their hidden or visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the Other to an Abstraction." - Elie Wiesel, "US News & World Report" (27 October 1986)} There is a central core to be found. Seeking truth is my journey. Here are a couple more steps in my trek. In these works you can see a kernel of truth being unwrapped. It is peeking out. The kernel is winking in pleasure, asking you to recognize... I am here!
 Drawing 05·19·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I can smell it. I am not there yet. Like a dog, I am relentless till I unearth it. It will never be enough. One bone will never satisfy. One bone gets eaten, another is necessary. This is the path I am on. This drawing is one step.
 "Startle & Lay Siege" (2021 No.1, state 7), oil on canvas, 36x45 inches {"I was learning at seventy-one what it is to be deranged. Proving that self-discovery wasn't over after all. Proving that the drama that is associated usually with the young as they fully begin to enter life... can startle and lay siege to the aged." -Philip Roth, "Exit Ghost"}  Drawing 02·23·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I wish it were easier. Always I wish for the same thing, easy. Never do I get it. This is work. This is effort. This is stepping strong, succeeding some of the time, failing often. The moments of success, at least the moments of "feeling successful," drive me to return and try again. While organizing the reproduction of yesterday's drawing for posting here, I felt failure. It did not sing the way I believed it had during yesterday's studio process. Did I go wrong? If my steps be honest and true, there is no wrong, there is just journey.
Yesterday's studio work fell short of my ambition. That's OK. It has informed me. I return today to make better.  Drawing 02·21·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 02·20·2021 (state 2), pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 02·13·2021 (state 3), pencil on paper, 16x20 inches These three drawings were begun, re-stated; they are a week's worth of effort. In, out, and about was my journey; two steps forward, one back, two forward. I arrive here. These drawings are keys to my future. I am, more than anything else, an organizer. I need to make real. The reality I seek is available through the process of making art. There is no end-game. There is progress and steady clarification. I am who I am. I am organizing myself as I organize my images. Making clear is most important. These drawings announce my acceptance of a process never to be fulfilled. The journey is exciting, willfully reflective of self-query. I am in the act of becoming, moving with each work of art toward fulfillment.
 Drawing 01·08·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches The word "manifest" means "clear or obvious to the eye." I believe I can see it coming, just as we saw the terrible attack of Trump's cultish herds on our nation's capital coming, that insurrection of January 6, 2021.
I can see where I am going. I can see it coming. It will happen, but making real my internal insight is no simple task. Wending my way from yesterday's drawing to the best of all possible drawings is a task confused by possibilities. There is not a clear and constant route. I must follow instinct because intellect is not smart enough. It is trial and error, two steps forward one back two forward. That describes the journey that my intellect must follow. I hope today I can take a true step in the right direct. Yesterday I believe I did a step forward, but a little one. Yesterday's drawing is informative, smart, sings on key. It is not the most uncomplicated note I have sung, but it is true. A more basic note can be sung, one whose truth and clarity cannot be denied. I seek fundamental truth. I will not relent.  Drawing 10·15·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I am working hard to make real the success I seek. Yet success is essentially impossible, at least essential success is impossible. This trek I am on leads somewhere, but not to a where that is known or defined. Given that truth, of truth being impossible, true success is impossible. Along the way, snippets of it can be, and are, viewed. This happened yesterday. Despite my inability to be totally happy with any one work of art that I make, I am happy that a step I made has a glimmer of truth in it. Each step is mushy, without the solidity of full truth, but yesterday's work did yield enough of a true answer to impassion me with the desire to go back and try again. I will do that now.
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July 2021
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