The biggest pain of living is lapsing into the pain that is time-driven. Acknowledging time makes one want to hurry. Time has an arrow that pokes holes in the present. Holes are absences. Nonexistence is the consequence. Here I am. I have returned to painting Doublethink. Doublethink is appropriately titled because my return brings the baggage of pent-up wanting. Doublethink is in a good place. It is re-educating me. I stepped into it, which is the most difficult part of the journey. It feels like a first step, but it is actually the third step.
Self discovery does not occur on one moment on one day. It is a never ending process. Becoming oneself is possible and impossible. It is possible to be more oneself with every effort toward self-realization. Complete selfhood cannot be achieved. It is the journey that excites. Similar to discovery new geographies, insights in selfhood give exhilaration in living.
Yesterday's drawing is very different than the one from the day before. I feel fear when my drawings go so dark; scary when I tend toward blackness. I am a believer of light as omnipresent. Perception of shadow is dependent upon light, less of it, but still there.
I am hoping to paint today. I continue to deal with my exhibitions, promoting them, preparing to take one down and put one up. I will be glad when the studio, the making of art, is my primary artistic concern. Soon...
There are mixed-emotions when a painting is called "finished." Weoman has reached that place. After eleven states, Weoman is "done." A painting in process is a thrilling relationship; similar to the process of getting to know a new acquaintance. Similar to a relationship with a soon to be valued friend; it never ends. Paintings do get called "complete." This does not happen with a valued friend. Like a good friend, a good painting will instruct forever, upon every re-visit. A completed painting is static in its elements; a good friend is never static in any way. The happy part of calling a painting "finished" is the consequential opening of space and time to begin a new painting, a new journey, with all the excitement that is inherent in getting to know a new acquaintance.
The drawing shown today has gray reproduced on its ground, which is not true in the real drawing on Stonehenge WHITE paper.
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