 "Silence, Exile, and Cunning" (2022 No.1, state 13), oil on canvas, 48x57 inches, {"I will not serve that in which I no longer believe whether it call itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use, silence, exile, and cunning." - James Joyce (1882-1941), "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" (1916)} Many years ago, my first mentor in drawing and painting, Seymour Leichman, said to me, "The Brain is a muscle. Work on your drawing, work on your painting, your work will make your brain stronger, more able to do the most difficult tasks you ask of it." It is happening. My brain has become more able to sustain the difficult work of making complete works of art. This is particularly obvious in my last two paintings, "Silence, Exile, and Cunning” and "Four Definitions”.
 Drawing 02·01·2022, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 02·02·2022, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches What are these? Wondering is valuable. It is brainstorming at its best. I got nothing else.
 Drawing 12·22·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 12·23·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 12·23·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Finally, here come some excellent drawings. Even I can accept these drawing as ones of quality. Too much fun is never enough. Worse is living in the aftermath of too much work not enough play. Otherwise. I am devoid of comment.
 "Find a Man" (2021 No.8, state 7), oil on canvas, 56x59½ inches, {"When we see a natural style, we are astonished and delighted; for we expected to find an author, and we find a man." -Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), "Pensées", 29 (1670)} Not there yet... more work to be done on "Find a Man". This is good work. This work elevates me. I imagine I must look like a college football player during a game; alert, on guard, ready to make instantaneous decisions... that is how I feel when I am making art.
 "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 9), oil on canvas, 52x59⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)}  Drawing 08·07·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·07·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am showing up, working hard, mindful while I am there in the studio. Is this a recipe for happiness and success? I will not claim that! I do claim I am getting closer to my personal truth! Yesterday I made two drawings, then worked on the painting, "Honorable Terms", now in its 9th state. I work like a person who is going in the right direction, yet I am blind to the goal. I do feel the goal in spirit, but not in knowledge. I am in a niggle and wiggle, on my way in correct direction. There is no easy seek and find for me!
 "Startle & Lay Siege" (2021 No.1, state 5), oil on canvas, 36x45 inches {"I was learning at seventy-one what it is to be deranged. Proving that self-discovery wasn't over after all. Proving that the drama that is associated usually with the young as they fully begin to enter life... can startle and lay siege to the aged." -Philip Roth, "Exit Ghost"}  Drawing 01·30·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·30·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches There are many ways to approach the emotional energy in a rectangular work of art. I am trying one after the other, looking for robust reflection of my feelings. It is a game. I am challenging my ability to make real the stuff I feel and know. This is research. Try one thing, then another. Take a couple steps forward, then a failure. React to failure. Take another step, hopefully forward. With time and energy, I am getting closer. Success is translating my knowing, my feeling, into the physical image I am making. Look at yesterday's work. Each one is a step in the right direction. Are they fully successful? That feeling of being near, but incomplete, is the reason I return. The success I am experiencing is this: I feel closer to making real that which I know and feel.
 Drawing 01·29·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·28·2021 No.3, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·28·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·28·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Here are four drawings from two days. Progress is seen. The last is first; the last is best.
 "Stubborn & Egotistical" (2020 No.4, state 4), oil on canvas, 64½x55 inches {"If we've learned anything from the best-selling 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' children's book series, it's that those who see themselves surrounded by idiots are usually idiots themselves." -Jakob Augstein, "Stubborn and Egotistical" (Spiegel Online, 3/25/2013)} I have hit a dead-end; hit because of too much drawing, not enough painting. It is time to question through a sustained art-making experience. I do this best when I paint.
Today I show you the painting, "Stubborn & Egotistical", after yesterday's work. It questions round versus flat, and much more. Color is subdued. Composition is simple, demanding. As I look at today's reproduction, I wonder, has the lower shape become too flat because of its play of lines? Those lines push shape as a flat experience. I gotta think about this, experience this painting some more. I go to the studio, I will mull, view, and perhaps decide to alter. That scares me. After all, this is just one painting. Perhaps my investigation of this dilemma should be intensified by making a similar painting, but one with a more rounded, three-dimensional form on the bottom. At this moment, I think a new work, one with fully 3D-rounded forms (top & bottom), would be worthwhile. That questioning would to give a better answer than mulling this over inside my brain. This question, at the very least, should be asked in a separate study. "Stubborn & Egotistical" is currently too interesting to drastically steer in a different direction. Hallelujah!  Drawing 01·14·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches The mystery continues to unfold and unravel. Here is not easy to know, despite it being present and accounted for, it is not seen without pre-colored glasses. Thus work must be done. Yesterday's drawing is such a work. It is a working model. In other words, it is not an end but a means. I am on my path and I know not where it goes. My reaction to yesterday's drawing is good, which is important because it demonstrates I took a good step.
 Drawing 12·08·2019, graphite on paper, 20x16 inches For two days in a row the savior of my drawings has been a graphite stick. There is punch to these drawings. I am enjoying it! Profundity is issued by showing-up, day after day; doing the work. Continuity is important. Reflection is important. A jump in my knowing is occurring. This is happening NOW! When I write, "NOW!", I mean over the recent period of time. Perhaps this enlightenment will not end anytime soon. I must maintain my health and well-being to extend this period. I just revealed my greatest worry. This living, this discovery, is limited by mortality. I am within a great effort to extend both, both mortality and this period of profound discovery.
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
June 2022
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