 "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 9), oil on canvas, 52x59⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)}  Drawing 08·07·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·07·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am showing up, working hard, mindful while I am there in the studio. Is this a recipe for happiness and success? I will not claim that! I do claim I am getting closer to my personal truth! Yesterday I made two drawings, then worked on the painting, "Honorable Terms", now in its 9th state. I work like a person who is going in the right direction, yet I am blind to the goal. I do feel the goal in spirit, but not in knowledge. I am in a niggle and wiggle, on my way in correct direction. There is no easy seek and find for me!
 "Startle & Lay Siege" (2021 No.1, state 5), oil on canvas, 36x45 inches {"I was learning at seventy-one what it is to be deranged. Proving that self-discovery wasn't over after all. Proving that the drama that is associated usually with the young as they fully begin to enter life... can startle and lay siege to the aged." -Philip Roth, "Exit Ghost"}  Drawing 01·30·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·30·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches There are many ways to approach the emotional energy in a rectangular work of art. I am trying one after the other, looking for robust reflection of my feelings. It is a game. I am challenging my ability to make real the stuff I feel and know. This is research. Try one thing, then another. Take a couple steps forward, then a failure. React to failure. Take another step, hopefully forward. With time and energy, I am getting closer. Success is translating my knowing, my feeling, into the physical image I am making. Look at yesterday's work. Each one is a step in the right direction. Are they fully successful? That feeling of being near, but incomplete, is the reason I return. The success I am experiencing is this: I feel closer to making real that which I know and feel.
 Drawing 01·29·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·28·2021 No.3, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·28·2021 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 01·28·2021 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Here are four drawings from two days. Progress is seen. The last is first; the last is best.
 "Stubborn & Egotistical" (2020 No.4, state 4), oil on canvas, 64½x55 inches {"If we've learned anything from the best-selling 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' children's book series, it's that those who see themselves surrounded by idiots are usually idiots themselves." -Jakob Augstein, "Stubborn and Egotistical" (Spiegel Online, 3/25/2013)} I have hit a dead-end; hit because of too much drawing, not enough painting. It is time to question through a sustained art-making experience. I do this best when I paint.
Today I show you the painting, "Stubborn & Egotistical", after yesterday's work. It questions round versus flat, and much more. Color is subdued. Composition is simple, demanding. As I look at today's reproduction, I wonder, has the lower shape become too flat because of its play of lines? Those lines push shape as a flat experience. I gotta think about this, experience this painting some more. I go to the studio, I will mull, view, and perhaps decide to alter. That scares me. After all, this is just one painting. Perhaps my investigation of this dilemma should be intensified by making a similar painting, but one with a more rounded, three-dimensional form on the bottom. At this moment, I think a new work, one with fully 3D-rounded forms (top & bottom), would be worthwhile. That questioning would to give a better answer than mulling this over inside my brain. This question, at the very least, should be asked in a separate study. "Stubborn & Egotistical" is currently too interesting to drastically steer in a different direction. Hallelujah!  Drawing 01·14·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches The mystery continues to unfold and unravel. Here is not easy to know, despite it being present and accounted for, it is not seen without pre-colored glasses. Thus work must be done. Yesterday's drawing is such a work. It is a working model. In other words, it is not an end but a means. I am on my path and I know not where it goes. My reaction to yesterday's drawing is good, which is important because it demonstrates I took a good step.
 Drawing 12·08·2019, graphite on paper, 20x16 inches For two days in a row the savior of my drawings has been a graphite stick. There is punch to these drawings. I am enjoying it! Profundity is issued by showing-up, day after day; doing the work. Continuity is important. Reflection is important. A jump in my knowing is occurring. This is happening NOW! When I write, "NOW!", I mean over the recent period of time. Perhaps this enlightenment will not end anytime soon. I must maintain my health and well-being to extend this period. I just revealed my greatest worry. This living, this discovery, is limited by mortality. I am within a great effort to extend both, both mortality and this period of profound discovery.
 Drawing 06·29·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Funny it is, I find this, the last day of my solo exhibition at Bromfield Gallery (Boston), a Good Thing! I just want to get back to my daily routine of making art. I am almost there. Next week my last solo show of this summer begins at Lyme New Hampshire's Converse Free Library (opens July 8). The library will exhibit mostly drawings, and a couple paintings. The Summer Juried Exhibition at AVA Gallery (Lebanon, NH) will exhibit my painting "How's It Gonna End" and a drawing (opens July 12).
Yesterday's drawing is massively worked. It took three days! This complicated manner of working on drawings is a new thing for me. Intuition is driving my steps. My path is revealing itself, surprise by surprise.  Drawing 05·05·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am framing again — this time for my Bromfield Gallery exhibit (opening is June 7). I am keeping my hand in making art — drawing. The painting "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2) is on my work wall in state 15; it is begging me for a major change, one that should make the composition fully expressive and fully sound. That will happen soon.
 Drawing 04·20·2019, 20x16 inches, pencil on paper As I made yesterday's drawing I felt rusty, a little out of touch with my present ideas. But here it is, and here I am. I continue on the labor of readying my paintings and drawings for the AVA Gallery exhibition; my works will be delivered this coming Friday, April 26. In making yesterday's drawing I had to wrangle with myself; I had to force myself to focus on my two most present interests: (1) Full frontal composition akin to the means Pablo Picasso used, and (2) A greater involvement with the emotional subtleties that are available when negative space is used effectively. Yesterday's drawing approached both of these interests, but became dark and menacing as it was worked and re-worked; I hit it with an extreme amount of pencil marks. This drawing did not come easily. Today, I finish touching-up the last two paintings going to AVA Galley, and I framed two of the four more drawings I must frame for the AVA exhibit. Perhaps I will get a chance to draw. I very much want to keep in touch with my current thoughts.  Pablo Picasso, "Three Musicians", oil on canvas  "Seriously?" (2018 No.11, state 12), oil on canvas, 49.8x62.5 inches {"All higher humor begins with ceasing to take oneself seriously." - Hermann Hesse, "Reflections", ed. Volker Michels, 1974}  Drawing 01·05·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches All my images annoy me. There is much work for me to do. The problems are apparent. The problems are overwhelming. Great effort is required. In 2019 I have three exhibitions; two major, one minor. I feel urgency. My acute and insistent need to get it right is not solely due to my upcoming exhibitions; mostly it is due to my sense of not feeling successful. My images have not achieved the depth and profundity I know is possible. The end for me may not be fully achievable, but I believe consistent work will bring me closer to fulfilled significance.
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
September 2021
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