Wait for it... Wait for it... Sometimes you just have to wait for it! It took a few weeks of observations, and a night of dreams, to get to the changes seen in this painting, Lava. The wait was filled with frustration, and anxiety. My suspicion, that something was wrong, is vindicated by the result. The new distortions, and new colors, enhance the painting. The enhancements are few, but their importance is great. Witness here a change in attitude, not simply a change in the physical make-up of a painting. Once again, I prove to myself, that intuition, i.e. knowledge hidden beneath layers of hyper-consciuoness, is more authentic than simple, superficial reasoning. I especially enjoy the leftward tilt of the major figure, reactive as it is against other forms in the painting. This play of forms is a play in motion, right, left, up, down, across, and back. Then there is the light, its contrast now animates from light to dark, stirred, as it is, by the pure white dabs added to the background. This version of Lava (#12) is by far the best. More importantly, it is a precursor of great things to come.
Drawings from 06/10/2015, both pencil on paper, 16X20 inches I dream every night, a lot! The subject matter of last night's dreams were different. Instead of being a hodgepodge of various scenarios, last night's dreams were dedicated to art, painting in particular. I remember viewing paintings by artists I admire. These were artists I invented. Their art was the kind I am driving toward, but more thoroughly realized. The paintings had figures and forms among abstractions invented through brush strokes and the energetic use of paint.
Drawings from 06/09/2015, all are pencil on paper, 16X20 inches My wife, she said to me, "It's not a race!" Yet, I often perceive it as so. There is limited time in this realm of consciousness I am now within. I feel I know more than I can put down with pencil and paper, or with paint and canvas. I feel a need to hurry, not to take it easy. Sometimes it does feel like a race, except the end is not something I wish to achieve.
Yesterday's drawings were a step in the right direction. They are more open than usual. There is a spareness of marks, a spareness of forms, but also a newly invented conveyance of information. Drawings from 6/7/2015, both are pencil on paper, 16X20 inches It is like I said yesterday, and the day before. I am involved in a search for relevant material to paint. I am, as a contemporary artist, caught between two demands. There is my need to find and illustrate personal myths. Also, there is my desire to accept, and participate, in the freedom of formal solutions open to today's visual artists. I wish to make work that is historically relevant by moving the formal qualities of painting forward through cross-examination and interrogation. My drawings are helping me creep and strip and fall to a reality that is mine.
Drawings from 6/6/2015, both are pencil on paper, 16X20 inches One of Paul Gauguin's most important paintings asks "Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?" I am in the throws of the same dilemma. This is probably the reason I have not painted for over a week. I am storing up questions. I am about to answer them through painting. My last two paintings are stones in this path ("Leap" and "Lava"), but they fall short. They are approaches. They are not an end-game. I know, of course, there is no end-game! But, we would not be fully human if we did not have the optimism to believe it possible.
I am not sure of the exact meaning of yesterday's drawing, posted above, but it could be two of me. The left guy is erect, confident, with large, open hands; he is strong and ready to go. The right guy is leaning back, leaning away, head sideways; he appears fragile with his small, closed hands. The right guy definitely lacks confidence. I am feeling very good about my artistic development. I will never be fully satisfied, but I am relishing the journey. I believe, for the first time, that I have gathered the necessary tools to do whatever needs to be done. I have reached a high degree of mastery. I have confidence I can achieve that which I can conceive. Through my art I want to interact with the world. This blog exists because I want to communicate. However, this blog's limitations are obvious. Therefore, I accept the necessity to engage in the business of art. I need to get my art out there, into venues that may be seen by those who are emotionally engaged in the visual arts. I also wish to make my art accessible to all and everyone. This brings me to today. In the past I have had many exhibitions, shown my work in important galleries, and been juried into competitive shows. During the past four years I have stepped back from that sort of engagement and I have been writing this blog, exhibiting my work here. Late last year I began to feel the need to step back into the brick and mortar world of gallery exhibitions. I put out a few feelers and applied to several juried competitions. Nothing happened. Call it rejection. So, today I begin to think as a businessman who happens to have visual art as his product. Every Friday I am going to devote time to this effort. Today is Friday.
Drawings from 06/03/2015, pencil on paper, 16X20 inches The last couple days have been complicated. Nothing I can not handle. Just has to be done. I am about to go to the studio. I have a desire to begin a new painting, but I need to prepare a canvas. Yesterday's drawings are interesting. My mind is a blend of references from reality and imagination. I am always in search of self-expression. A friend sent mine sent me the following John Coltrane quotes. Coltrane's music deeply touches me. I envy his ability to self-express. I adore the way Coltrane has taken the abstract qualities of music and made them hit with great spiritual force. (My friend's additions are in yellow/ochre parentheses.) There is never any end…There are always new sounds (pictures) to imagine; new feelings to get at. And always, there is the need to keep purifying these feelings and sounds (images) so that we can really see what we’ve discovered in its pure state. My idea was to grab visual interest from a distance. I was looking for a large form that would attract the viewer from across the room, perhaps 20 feet away. Initially I was not concerned that this form would be recognizable, I just wanted it to invite interest. After hours of getting into the minutia of its form, I am not sure I accomplished my inceptive compulsion.
I like this drawing. It was made while I dwelled in the openness of exhaustion. Completing surprising works of art do not frequently appear before me, despite my working very hard to avoid self-criticism. A drawing as strange as this one seems to require my giving up a level of control. This happens effortlessly when I am exhausted. In my normal days of activity there must be a relentless background level of self-critical behavior. It must be present. Otherwise I would more often be completely surprised by my output. Does that make sense? This requires a "wait and see" answer. The benefit of me making this kind of open-ended drawing is my practicing unobstructed behavior. This is important. Exhaustion is useful!
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
April 2024
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