On days of confusion it is best for me to go with things I already know. There is some new in this drawing; there is some old. All in all, it is satisfactory. Looking at my yesterday, that is OK.
The struggle for time is constant and relentless. This is not very Zen of me. In other words, harmony cannot be found if I am involved with time. My personal lesson in this is: "Let it go!" Time is what it is. My doing is slow, filled with enjoyment, moment by moment. While doing I do not worry about time. It is during my "not doing" that I worry. The fear comes when I awake from my doing. When I stop doing I become aware that time has passed; I become aware I have not accomplished as much as I wish to accomplish. This distance between want and actuality is caused by knowing there is so much to do in order for me to feel complete. When I sit back, look at what I have done, I am aware of my lack of knowing; my desire to know. Time becomes important because I fail. This is not a good way to be. I am succeeding. That is the knowledge I must accept. "All in good time" is an old and true saying. I am becoming who I want to be. Simplicity must be accepted. I do not worry when I am in the midst of action. Let it be! Please look at the drawings I reproduce today. The first is new, created yesterday during my limited time in the studio. Yesterday I had to take care of a practical thing, a machine in the home that required fixing. By the time I got to the studio my time was squeezed to barely an hour. The day before I had looked at my drawing from September 30, 2017; I realized it needed correction. That is the first thing I did during yesterday's studio time. Drawing 09·30·2017 is much better in the corrected state I show here. Bravo! With a few minutes left I created yesterday's original drawing. It is simple, direct, has few forms; it works! Lesson learned! See below if you wish to know a little about Zen. Zen In his novel, "The End of Eternity," Issac Asimov wrote, "Out of danger and restless insecurity comes the force that pushes mankind to newer and loftier conquests." In the same novel, Asimov explains the limitations mankind may put upon themselves if they learn to control their future: "Any system like Eternity, which allows men to choose their own future, will end by choosing safety and mediocrity, and in such a Reality the stars are out of reach." Asimov predicts, if we are able to control our future too well, we will lose our ability to thrive. In "The End of Eternity" mankind is able to alter mistakes, e.g., rebellions and wars, by going back in time and tweaking a causal point such that the perceived tragedy does not occur. Why do I tell you this? It goes to my painting 2017 No.13. I have allowed it to rebel. It is like nothing I have seen before. Now I must tackle it as one does a rebellion, working to find a reality that works. I am reaching for the stars!
Unreasonable is a ticket to reason. It is necessary for me to risk in order to find personal truth. This is "a reason to live." I have no idea where the painting 2017 No.13 is going. I am falling into it as water falls into a hole. If the hole is big enough, water spirals around before it falls away and disappears. This reminds me of what engineers call "The Problem Solving Loop," i.e. two steps forward, one step back, two forward, one back, et cetera, spiraling around, brainstorming without bias, looking for the core truth that is a good solution. In this manner, eventually I will find the proper solution to this painting, and to the bigger problem of "a reason to live."
Doing this day after day has brought me trust in my instincts and in my intuition. I am going where I have never gone before. If I were not lost I would not be an explorer.
There is nothing as glorious as being frightened by a problem of one's own choosing. It gives reason to live. There are other reasons to live (see Randy Newman's Lyrics for his song, You Can Keep Your Hat On). I digress. The painting 2017 No.13 is calling for BIG thoughts. This is not going to be easy. This brings excitement. I am a hunter in pursuit. Yesterday's drawing reminds me of surreal images, perhaps the highly lit planes seen in a few of Salvador Dali's paintings. You Can Leave Your Hat On |
To read my profile go to MEHRBACH.com.
At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
April 2024
|