Mysteriousness is always upon us. Where does all this come from? More than ever I am surprised by the invention within me. This is a result of my slow, but sure, giving into the act of creating without thinking out-loud. In my art I am doing things which surprise ― I don't consciously remember doing them! As example, in yesterday's drawing, there is the shadow cast by the man's head on his chest. It is very right, and works well in creating form and composition, but I can't remember acting on it. This not-consciously-knowing makes me think of Willem de Kooning. Late in life, and late in his artistic career, Willem de Kooning had Alzheimer's Disease. Despite his memory problems, de Kooning continued to make interesting paintings. People who knew him said that his performance, as an artist, was so deeply ingrained that it did not require the conscious, non-verbal, part of his thought. As proof, after my work I show a late de Kooning (in the collection of the National Gallery of Australia).
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Yesterday felt weird. I could not stop listening to the radio (NPR). I fumbled through the day, thinking all the while that I was ineffective, distracted. But NO! This drawing appears to me, today, to be the foundation of something true. It is not an end all, nor is it absolutely new vocabulary, but its process of creation, though my distraction, had authenticity, and thus merit. Yes, the guy in the back is in an impossible position, especially without a chair to hold him. It is this impossibility that makes sense to me. Allowing the abstraction of the forms on the table is also important. This is allowance of the juice of intuition to flow. I pretty much am accepting that if I am to be authentic I much allow myself to wander without anticipation. This is the lesson of yesterday's effort. It feels like I did not get a lot done, but that, in itself, is a lie and misconception. Burst is my idea of control of image, but not the importance of being a well trained athlete of artistic activity. There is truth in falsity. After all, there are many artists I respect who have stated the idea that is fully becoming obvious to me: to depict the truth one must fabricate a falsehood that jars one into reality. Non-fiction is full of trickery and artifice.
Curiosity is the key to oneself. Following curiosity frees oneself from worries about decisions. Curiosity is freedom from the concern of going one way versus the other. Following a dream allows the wrong path to be taken. There are dream paths that lead to loss and meaninglessness. Dreams are dreams, puff made of smoke and mirrors. Curiosity is the real stuff, made from the origins of intuition. And so it is that the head of the girl in the right panel came to be. It is better, it is more "right", and it was found by following a question I had about size, shape, and meaning. As Picasso was fond of saying, "I do not seek, I find!" Finding is the natural consequence of following one's curiosity. Yesterday's drawing yells loudly, "Curiosity will take you places you never knew existed."
The painting, Untitled Triptych-08·13·2014, is beginning to increase its energy load. This is, perhaps, the opposite of woe. More succinctly, it is simple mindfulness. It is taking me over, here and now.
It is not what you make, it is where it comes from. A couple days ago I saw the new film "Turner" (about the artist, Joseph Mallord William Turner). It rang so very true. There is a point where writing and talking about one's art is indescribable. I am getting there. This does not mean I will stop this blog, as its reason for existence is about getting my images out there for you to see, but more importantly, for me to reflect upon those same images. Every day my posting here is useful to me. It forces me to see more clearly that which I have done. It categorizes my images externally. This allows me to question if my day's work has internal authenticity. The answer is never as clear as the question.
Amazing the process! I am never prepared for it. Just when I think I know what I'm doing my activity veers off the straight line. Not that I expect a straight line; it's just that I often feel as if I am on a straight line just before I get hit from the side, thus reminded there are no straight lines. I mean that literally and metaphorically. That which appears straight to the viewer is that which was made in reaction to the stuff already there. To hell with straightness. It is not a concern! The stuff is my concern! Stuff is baggage, and I am wary of baggage. Baggage can be an idea so complete in its retroactive creation that it makes no sense to be here and now. It is my job to accept the baggage that makes sense and throw out the baggage that deceives. Seeking truth and authenticity is the job, only accepting that which is current, the sum of all experience and all knowledge. So layers are made in life, in painting, and in drawing. I am working hard to make the tracks I leave on canvas and paper as authentic as I am, here and now.
With this mind, yesterday's work on Untitled Triptych-08·13·2014 took an important turn toward wholeness. It is beginning to make sense. Recently I re-learned the importance of being earnest and referential, at the same time. I did this through my drawings. (In this case I use "earnest" with its second dictionary definition: "a thing intended or regarded as a sign or promise of what is to come.") Yesterday's drawing felt invented in this fashion. As I laid down the strokes they were discoveries, simultaneously looking back and looking forward. Consequently, yesterday's drawing had a life of its own. As I have written before, it is in times like this that I feel more a mere conduit than a rational inventor. I believe that's a good thing. ...and so it goes! I had forgotten the little trick of increasing the size of an image by simply clicking on it. Both of today's reproduction will enlarge if you click. In the case of the triptych, this really helps! Again, I do not yet feel the impulse to say much about my current work. It is coming quickly. When working, I have the unusual feeling that I know what must be done, moment to moment. Storing energy by being away from the studio has its benefits and one of them is the energetic plunge you see reproduced today. I hope you enjoy it with me!
The images on the new triptych, Untitled Triptych-08132014, were established in one sitting. This is remarkable‼️ The long term readers of my blog know that I think, by instinct, and by intuition, via drawing. Discovery of the Acrylic Paint Marker has allow me to fully utilize instinct and intuition to begin this new painting. This is a revolution. I am not looking back. My enjoyment of the process went way up! I am concerned with the speed of my creativity. My ideas far outstrip my ability to get them down on physical paper and canvas. This acrylic marker technique will facilitate my ideas becoming real images. Because of this simple change, I am anticipating the production of my art to be more, better, and significantly truer to myself.
In general, painting is also becoming a more important exploratory vehicle. The process of drawing is wonderful. However, more than ever, it is through painting that my core is revealed. It is, by nature, a more contemplative process. It is larger, and therefore takes on more expressive weight. Size is important. Everyday in the studio surprises. After the listless drawings I made two days ago (posted here yesterday), I did not know what to expect. Yesterday's studio session began with a relatively introspective, typical, predictable, slowly-made drawing. Drawing number was a quick reaction to the slowness of the first. I had come out fighting. That second drawing fiercely fell out of me. Number three drawing appeared in a manner in-between the process of the previous two. I show the three drawings in order of my current opinion of their quality and importance, best to worst (not in order of their creation).
Looking more broadly at the use of my time, I realize that I cannot defeat the cycle. I go through energetic, extremely creative days, followed by a couple days of dullness, then I return again, fully awake and alive with reasons to create anew. Yesterday was the transition day in the cycle. I believe I am back to full mindfulness today. I fully intend to return to the painting. I am not proud of yesterday's output. Both drawings were struggles. I felt listless, non-creative, as if I had no useful ideas. Without much to proclaim, I left the studio early.
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May 2024
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