I show two days of work today. This has to do with the way I am now approaching work. I am getting to the studio as early as possible. This is the new paradigm. It does not allow me to blog every day. Every other day my late afternoons get absorbed by an exercise session. By the time I am done exercising I do not have enough energy to go through the prep and the writing of this visual & verbal blog. About the work shown here. Interesting, isn't it?! Yesterday's drawings are reproduced below. Yesterday's second drawing was done after I looked at drawings by Willem de Kooning. Yesterday's first drawing had me exploring the problem of depth: I experimented with a possible solution using boxes, and shapes, with interior holes. But today's drawing (above) is the excellent one. Yesterdays' drawings came out of weary wonderment, but today's drawing flowed from a different portion of my intuition. It invented itself. I was a mere vessel of its execution. Today's drawing took the entire studio session. When producing a drawing as complex as this one, I sometimes step back and look with amazement at so many, many lines making up the composition. It happens as Picasso once explained... making art is made best as simple reaction, as in closing a window if a cold draft is annoying. Drawings-03·18·2015 Nos. 1 & 2, pencil on paper, 16X20 & 14X11 inches
I was feeling lethargic and tired. There were two things that had soaked up my energy: my worries and concerns about being swept away by Jury Duty, and the painting Asparagus. This was followed by my worrying about my low energy level! Then came a plumbing failure, which is making our house active with workmen. There are other distractions too. But yesterday I did get into the studio to produce the excellent drawing I show you today. It flowed from me with sensitivity and finesse. Something like this, a drawing that flows easily and well, must indicate a return of real energy, mental and physical. I think it important that I use my drawing as a gauge of my true energy level. I should acknowledge the ease, or difficulty, that is reflected in my drawing. Accepting this as indicator of true energy is much better than the alternative. The alternative is me worrying that I have low energy, then fighting against the need of rest.
Unusual and usual. Whatever! The 1, 2, 3 of getting it done is not dictated by an obviously rational order of things. Yet it gets done. There is the immediate and the distant, that which is obvious now and that which will become obvious after extended time and effort. Within the little I know, I know that the work I am doing now is more authentically mine than the work I was doing a month ago. I am becoming myself through work and time. Part of this becoming myself is not clearly work but more clearly acceptance. It is me giving up the fight to come up to the standards set by the masters. It is me accepting my own innate standards, which are surprisingly new and different than anything I know through education and observation. I am, to my surprise, something that has never existed before.
Untitled Drawings-02·08·2015 Nos. 1, 2, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches Compositional play is so important to me that today I continue to show the drawings in "Gallery" format, despite there being only two. This allows you to get the compositional impact first, then, if you choose, you can CLICK upon a reproduction to see it in full screen.
About today's title, I need to explain something to my readers about my artistic development. Twenty-seven years ago I was an artist making Three-Dimentional Abstractions that were getting a lot of notice and critical praise (see some of these at MEHRBACH.com). But I was not making enough money to support myself and my family. I had to go to work. I taught for 22 years. Those years interrupted my natural development as an artist. They were years of happiness, of personal learning, but also of frustration. I grew as a person, but Looking back, the depth of my artistic knowledge seems to have grown slowly, or not at all. I now have enough freedom to, day after day, be in the studio. The last four and a half years have increased my artistic knowledge. I am feeling more competent now than I have for many years. Day-to-day work is necessary to unravel the confusion that is me. My optimism is increasing with every day of self-discovery. I can do this, and perhaps I can get to making the work I was born to make. Time is limited. Loss of time is my biggest fear. I work like an athlete, in my life and in the studio. If I am to succeed, health is primary. Untitled Drawings-02·07·2015 Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 14X11 inches How did I get to this need I have to make art, or make anything? There is definitely some kind of flame within me that calls me to fabricate, fashion, build, and assemble. At one time I believed it was my need to leave behind a legacy. I believed making art was evidence that I was here. These things I made would be here when I am no longer here. They would be traces of myself, which would continue to exist after I am gone. Now it does not seem so simple. There is much happening in my daily life, emotional and physical. I need to speak of these happenings in order to digest them, understand them, live with them. The weird part of this is the feeling that I am slowly inching toward the stuff I was born to make. The imagines are becoming more me, less derivative. I am not sure who wrote it, but I once read that every important voice has one great idea that drives ALL their work. Picasso has manipulation of form, Matisse had manipulation of color, Einstein had manipulation of space/time, et cetera. The problem is finding the means to express the great idea. I have not fully found my means, my voice. I am bolstered by the feeling that I am getting closer. My daily work is paying off.
Untitled Drawings-02·04·2015 Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 14X11 inches These images are from a couple days ago. The apparent life of this artist is one of wandering in search of methodology. Elusive it will always be, this methodology stuff, because that is not the reality of working in the moment. I have to react to the situation in which I live and work. I keep saying the same thing over and over, the same cliché, "The only constant is change." Everyday is different, so I practice my intelligence of reactivity. Like a football player running down the field with ball, I am practicing to be agile, to deal with anything that comes at me, beside me, behind me, in front of me. Yes, I want to continue forward.
Untitled Drawings-02·03·2015 Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches There is a story about a visit by the painter Nicolas de Staël to Georges Braque's studio. De Staël asked Braque, "How do we know we are not hacks?" Braque's answer was simple, "We don't!" I feel good about the art I am making. Does that make it good art? Like Braque, I don't know. My self-doubt is not going away soon.
Yesterday I made four drawings. I also stretched a canvas: a new painting is coming. I caution myself NOT to let the half finished paintings remain unfinished as I begin new ones. I need to go back to three painting and complete them. The problem is time. My strong desire to forge forward competes with my desire to be disciplined. Should I exhibit such discipline by completing incomplete paintings? Perfection is impossible, but there are degrees of completeness that gradate toward perfection. Looking at my three previous paintings I feel I am further away from perfection than I should be, or could be. I will struggle on, burdened as I am by my needs, and by my angst. I don't care about straight lines on the page, but I do care about getting there directly, without straying too far from an authentic path. Here I am in another struggle to keep on a line to self-expression. This is about clarity and correct measurement, and not about skill and being true to form. Yesterday's drawing feels off. It is too ornate and confusing. It looks like a weird being from another planet is encountering a strange fruit from another planet (the objects may come from two different planets — who knows?).
Today I am back at it again! (Lately, I seem to be loving those exclamation points!!!) It has been a couple days since I made the drawing that is posted today. This drawing is about confusion. Tis the season of confusion ― I am caught between art and family. I love both, I enjoy participation in both. The remarkable thing about this drawing is its creation was not content conscious; it spilled out of me with its literalness, which is, "being caught in-between!" That is where I am going to be for the next few days. Family will dominate. I am counseling myself, and you (my readers), not to expect much in art-production for several days.
As usual, I expect my full return to art-making will come with great energy. This full return will happen in 5 or 6 days. Giving up my dedicated involvement comes with discomfort. Right now I am full of ideas. I am actively breaking down the barriers that have separated me from the art that is gigantically mine. Family and friends have reassured me that this once a year distraction will not harm my ongoing research and development. Still, it is very difficult for me to be patient. I must give into Leo Tolstoy's wisdom: "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." One to the next, continuation, carry on... that's all there is!
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
April 2024
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