Failure is always an option. If failure were not allowed I would tread too carefully, thus reducing the chance of accomplishing the substantial. Here I am, writing my blog, in the afternoon, away from the studio; this because a dentist appointment distracted me. That appointment took a good part of my morning. Dreadful, but necessary. Today I am going to write only a little. I want to be there, not here. I want to be making art. No promises as to the level of substantiality that today will produce. The mix-up in my timing has confused my natural energy because of the disruption to my bio-rhythms. This loss is a residue of rushing to and back and getting this blog written. In a few minutes I will finally walk into the studio at a time later than my body and my soul desire.
Critique of yesterday's work: Two very good drawings! Yesterday was about me looking at what I have done, not altogether liking it, then asking the question, "What disturbs me?" The drawings I made yesterday do not disturb! It is the painting "2016, No.4" that disturbs. So, yesterday, looking for satisfaction, I produced one drawing after another.
What is it I do not like about the painting "2016, No.4"? It is the compression of space, and the flatness of the forms. The eye does not move enough. There is a lot going on, but not a lot that absorbs through movement and direction. There is not enough in and out and back and forth. Yesterday's drawings have dynamic spatial relationships. That's what I am looking for in "2016 No.4". That is what I will work on today. At last, I am back in the studio! One of my relatives is very ill. I was preoccupied with her. I was gone, now I am back. Watching someone with profound illness is watching a struggle for human dignity. Despite all odds, we all make an effort to be profound. Finding meaning and self-worth is of the utmost importance. There is no other acceptable way to continue to be here and to be now. On March 16th I left the studio suddenly, leaving behind the drawing I show above. Only the center form on the white background was left behind, which I labelled "Begun 3·16·2016". Yesterday I transformed it into the drawing you see here. As is common with me, upon return I find energetic revelation. It is as if I have stored up a lot of ideas that went fallow because of absence. This reminds me of the great mystery surrounding artists who stop and start again. I often think of Georges Braque (1882-1963) when I think of this gone and return affliction. Braque was called to duty in the French Army during World War I. He was injured, hospitalized, recovered, then returned to making art after several years of absence. Braque's work strikes me as great, before and after return. I show two of Braque's works, one from "before" and one from "after" his World War I absence (see these works after my drawings from yesterday). At the end of today's post I also show three later works of George Braque. I share these with you because I revel in Braque's ability to produce enormously wonderful work throughout his career. Yesterday's work is very good. This bring joy, but it also brings fear.
The heavy-duty work has just begun. Just so you know... Now is when everything I make has quality if I approach its making with focused energy. The problem is... focused energy is not always available. For example, You can see ups & downs in the work posted here over the last several days. Yes, you can actually SEE it, because this is VISUAL art! It hangs there, forever scrawled in pencil and paint, and with reproductions always available on the internet. I am turning a corner. I am going from art whose possibilities are limited by skill to art whose possibilities are limited by imagination and invention. I fear failure, because energy and time are limited. So I train, like an athlete. I balance my times of performance with good night's rest, good diet, and good physical exercise. Art-making is like a see-saw. It seems it would be nice to always be on the up-side of the plank, but one of the joys of getting to the up-side is that swoop in the arch. Limits must exist in order to fully enjoy. A bottom must exist to enjoy the top and the journey to the top. That's OK. I just wish an end did not exist. It has happened again! After all my experience it seems I should recognize this cycle! The drawing in my previous post is decrepit and confused. It marked an end of a cycle of creativity. Like gravity waves, this cycle has a long wavelength and has peaks and troughs. Now I am ascending out of a trough. Yesterday surprised with a substantial drawing and first marks on a new canvas. It was a day that lifted my spirits. Out I came from befuddlement and disarray!
Very difficult for me is to admit to cyclical defeat by uncertainty. I go into the studio, knowingly in a muddle. I power on, making a mess of that before me. The question I ask as I trudge is, "Is it better to try with ineptitude, or is it better not to try a all?" Mostly my discipline overwhelms me, so I ineptly hang in there, making bad art. The question I ask continues to have no clear answer. I am always surprised, and annoyed, that I have to endure confusion and regret in order to return to insight and vigor. I can feel the transition happening NOW. Yesterday's drawings surprised me. That is the way it should be.
On Friday (January 29), my ART Business Day, I worked hard on a new set of Business Cards and Art Portfolio Post Cards. It was a 12 hour work day. The next day I had no creative energy (Saturday, January 30), so... I took a day of reading and watching TV-Series. Yesterday I did get into the studio. Like many days when I return to the studio after time away, I felt a bit foggy about direction. The result is a couple of playfully instructive drawings. I like them very much. It had been a while since I intensely foreshortened a figure. It has been a while since I had taken two characters and aggressively contrasted them in size and scale. Fun. I am still a bit tired. I am going to take tomorrow as a "Rest and Recreation Day". Today is my Money Monday. My next post will be Thursday, February 4.
Yesterday's drawing: Pretty weird? Consider this: The drawing does show a flying balloon! Maybe I was thinking of that famous parade full of flying balloons, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City. Probably not. One thing I do know for sure: I have the ability to follow self-suggestive invention. This stuff spills out of me like rain from a dark cloud. Yesterday's drawing celebrates my acquired skills. Failure of technique is no longer an excuse for me. I can do anything I imagine. If I fail it will be a failure of imagination and/or energy.
Drawings from 11/01/2015, all 20X16 inches, pencil on paper Variety is the spice of life. Yesterday's drawings are all over the place. Is this me being unable to choose a theme? Is this a result of laziness? It is confusion? Confusion can be misinterpreted as laziness! OR, is this progress? I'll go for the latter. Each of these drawings are complete works of art. Each is able to stand alone. Each has emotional authenticity. Each is a quality work of art.
Yesterday, while in the making, I did lack intense energy. That confused me. When I do not feel I am acting with recognizable energy I may actually be in a place of contemplative action, i.e. NOT lacking energy, but lacking full commitment to a potently available idea. This is me in a mode of seek and find. Amazing! I can not be sure that which I do as I do it. I do know now, the results are adequate and instructive. Hi! I have been away a few days because I had a minor medical problem that needed attention. It has been dealt with, and here I am again! Yesterday was am important day. I am always amazed that insight is so great upon return after a few days away. It must be a result of stored energy, or it could be that the mind is working, processing, all the time. I think it is both energy and time to process. If I am right, then moving too quickly, exerting too much energy, is detrimental to self-discovery. I am going to leave you with images, but little discussion. I need to get out there, into the studio again. Drawings from 09/25/2015, all pencil on paper, 16X20 inches
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May 2024
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