You would think this is the way it ought-to-be, all-of-the-time, but it ain't! I am having to grow myself into accepting that there are no pre-conceptions. I just need to show up. Showing up means something happens. No plans. No rigid ideas. It is the simplicity of now. If this is simple, why does it feel nerve-wracking? Well, I am admitting I do not know what I am doing. Not knowing is emotionally difficult. It is thinking on my feet, rather than knowing the course of the river. What is around the bend? I do not know. I do not care. I just show up. I just do. It is a surprise. It is self-teaching at a level far deeper than a book of words. There are no words. From whence it comes has not been tabulated. Drawings from 06/14/2015, all are pencil on paper, 16X20 inches
Suffice to say, "times they are a-changing." Peter Saul helps; he gives me courage for my own direction. Drawings from 5/26/2015, pencil on paper, 16X20 inches
Who knew? Not me. This stuff I am making looks well defined, but still rough. Rough? Yes, because I am grasping at a set of images that are tumbling around in my confused, yet open, psyche. Art is where the anima and the persona meet. My persona never feels quite right, as if there is a little fake going on, like a running back, whose goal is clear, but whose path in getting there in not. Maybe the reason football is so much fun to watch is its clarity of goal. Art? Not so much! Watching me flail around is probably more fun for you then for me. There are days, like today, that I seriously question my means of getting "there", wherever "there" is.
Be sure to click on the drawings' reproductions for enlarged images. These are very good drawings! The surprise of "now for something completely different" is upon me. I do know what each drawing will bring. These drawings are discoveries made visual. I have given into the flow. As trite as this looks when written, it is reality. Drawings from 5/16/2015, pencil on paper, 16X20 inches
Abstract and concrete, confusing and clear, alive and well. All of these seem to go together. At least, that is the way it feels today. Intellectually I am aswim. There is an ocean about me, full of life and objects and detritus. My job is not to know all of it, but to wander through it looking for truth, not beauty. Finding beauty is too easy. Beauty is a distraction from the facts of living which require introspection, followed by some kind of answer. My answers come by me poking around, touching this, touching that, asking, "Does that make sense?"
There is something Fellini-ese about yesterday's drawing. Tuesdays often surprise me. As long-time readers of this blog know, Mondays are my "Take-Care-of Business" days. I rarely get into the studio on Mondays. A Monday absence generally stores creative energy within me, which ends up energizing my studio work on Tuesday. This drawing has that feel: surprise, and a weird visual invention, with great clarity, but no clear message. Through its spontaneous invention it reveals intuition. It looks like a clue to deeply buried questions, not appearing at all to be a visually descriptive answer to already known intellectual ideas.
The painting Leap! is in its final days. The painting Lava begins its journey! I have to say, drawing on the scale of these paintings is wonderfully expressive. My inclinations in line and in form get satisfied. Perhaps I should make drawings on this scale. The real challenge for me is to keep the excitement of drawing continuous through the making of a painting. As Leap! developed I felt the drawing became subjugated to other concerns. I do not want this to happen. My view of all I do is simple. I self-express through marks that make form, light, and composition. Failure to continuously express is failure to come to fruition.
Drawings from 4/28 and 4/29/2015, are are 16X20 inches & pencil on paper I do not intend my days to go this way. I want to paint, but begin my day with a drawing. I think, "I will warm-up my mind and my arm. I will prepare for painting." However, I get swept away by the wonder that is my drawing. I invent, discover, am startled, astonished, learn, express and declare. It is wondrous!
Today I will restrict myself to a small drawing. I will warm-up with a drawing, but not allow myself to be swept away into a contracted and complex solution. BTW: Looking at the small reproductions in front of me I see visual problems. The darks are too heavy. They pull more strongly than the originals. I was just in the studio, turning on the heat for the day. I looked at these drawings in the flesh. Their surfaces play comfortably, interrupted and animated by staccato of dark marks, not slowed and made lethargic by the broad areas of darkness that seem to dominate these reproductions. I will not go back and try to remedy this problem, as it is time for me to go and get started in the studio. I am sorry I am allowing a lack of authenticity in these reproductions, but time making art is more important than a quest for the perfect reproduction. I am going as fast as I can. Often I wish my ability to decipher myself was a process more lucid and transparent. This process is one of unscrambling rather than encoding. It is all present, yet must be discovered. It is similar to the study of cosmology. The whole shebang is already present. It is my job to ascertain the best way to illustrate it. This idea of illustration brings me to the question of abstract versus concrete. Goodness knows artists have used both to express themselves deeply and well. Perhaps, I am thinking, there is a means to greater expression, one that utilizes both the abstract and the concrete. I admit, the terms abstract and concrete are a bit weird, and not as descriptive as required. Better I think than words is the confusion present in my new painting, The Leap. I named it after that object leaping over the barrier at the bottom of the painting, but the title is more than simple description of one illustrative form in the painting. What I can tell you is this: the concoction of this painting is more disclosure of personal origination than discovery of previously unknown concept.
Drawings-03·08·2015 Nos. 1, 2, & 3, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches The first drawing is the worst drawing, but it is the one with the rat, the rat of today's blog title. Yesterday, was an interesting day for a few of reasons. It made a big difference for me to be in the studio as early as possible. No blog written, no email, just coffee and breakfast, then out and into the studio. I have always known my best energy is my early-in-the day energy. At last I have heeded reality. What a difference it made! I wonder why I waited so long to do this, to prioritize energy, i.e. to align my best energy with the best part of me. I tried to explain this conundrum in my last blog post: it was all about confusion. I don't feel confused any longer. I just want to do. Yes, I feel like a rat caught in a cage. I am trying to push myself out of the cage so that I may express that which I have been created to express. That is what rats do, they express their animus, their inner angst. What is the difference between me and a rat? Rats have a modus operandi, a particular way of doing things. I can never do the same thing twice. What makes me like a rat? We both need to get out of our cage.
Remember, if you see a Gallery View (as in the three drawings above) CLICK on a reproduction to enlarge it for better viewing. Just in case you are reluctant to do this, let me show you a larger version of yesterday's drawing #3... |
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April 2024
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