I do not want, or need, to say much about yesterday's drawing. it surprised me! I feel a WOW! factor when I look at it. Besides the subject matter being "found", there is also the finding of so much more, i.e. forms invented, space invented, values subtly altered to create movement and light, and the use of line to move the viewer rhythmically and to stretch out the perspective. Wow! I am surprised and impressed.
The painting Untitled Diptych-04·15·2014 took a turn toward "rightness" with yesterday's changes to the man in the left panel. However, looking at the entire diptych, the man in the right panel needs revision. His stature (or lack of it) is important to the meaning of the painting, both compositionally and emotionally. After the corrections to the man in the left panel, the head of the man in the right panel appears too large. The work demanded by this complex painting is incredibly absorbing and demanding. I am not tired yet. I am dedicated to finishing this painting properly. Somehow I know this painting is a turning point in the acquisition of the knowledge I require to express myself.
Yesterday's drawing is one more study for the man in the left panel of the painting Untitled Diptych-04·15·2014. Take it for what it is, but once again I have to tell you that the reproductions that appear here pale compared to the actual works. There is no way the subtle play of the pencil lines, and their value contrasts, can be reproduced properly. Even more difficult to reproduce is the complex color values and hues in a painting, especially one as large as Untitled Diptych-04·15·2014. Don't worry, I will give you some lead time before these works are shown in exhibition. I am sitting here with a runny nose and tissues. Last night I came down with a full blown cold, the first I have had in recent memory. I won't go to the studio today, so no blog post tomorrow. Tomorrow is Monday, my normal take care of financial concerns day. I'll try to do some of that Money Monday stuff today so I can carve out some time in the studio tomorrow (if I am feeling better). I am ready to renew my inquiry through painting, but not today. Today I will mostly rest in hopes of a speedy recovery.
I find sicknesses, like this cold, occur conveniently during times of major transitions. Take a close look at today's drawing. It is a transitional drawing. I took unusual risks while making it. You can see the erasures around certain forms, like the woman's hip that juts upward near the center of the drawing. These quick and agile adjustments can also be seen thoughout the man's shoulder and arm in the upper left of the drawing. These pentimenti are left over stabs at different ways of making these forms. I was seeking a way to make each mark work with the major form to which it was to be attached, while simultaneously making compositional sense. This drawing flowed rapidly from me. The risks taken were my quick thrusts of the pencil line looking to find the forms which echoed authentically within my intuition and internal sense of self-expression. For me, this is a better way to draw. Self discovery is faster and more accurate. This process was one of trust, not only in the instantaneous identification of form, content, and composition while making marks, but also trust in a deeper intuitive reaction to each line. I trusted I could, and would, react to each mark by acceptance or rejection. Also, I trusted that judgement would be authentic and true. I feel like I have hit a dead end. Maybe that term "dead end" is wrong. I am not dead, nor is my art. The problem is me finding significant meaning beyond that which I already know. Yes, the forms, light, line, surface, and composition ― all are getting better, and continue to become more meaningful as they gain clarity, bit by bit ― very slowly... BUT the big WOW, and a revelation of "Oh, that's it!", has not been present for a few days. It is time to stretch up a major canvas and prepare myself for a major work, a transforming work.
I just came from the studio (had to turn up the heat for the day). In the studio I looked at yesterday's drawing and I was very happy. It claims the viewer with its light, line, surface and composition. Visually it sings well. Returning to this page, to post it here, gives frustration. Not that this drawing looks terrible here, but it does not come close to engaging the viewer in the way the original does. This drawing is rather large (16X20 inches) and the various grays of its pencil lines captivatingly play with one another. It is a grand symphony of value, form, light, and line. Audiophiles complain about digital reproduction of music. Well, reproduction is far worse for the fine visual arts.
The muse is back and so am I. FYI: The drawings shown today were made yesterday. They are spontaneously, and intuitively, garnering all I know and all I understand. In addition, they are research for new work and new ideas. This feels like the way art should be made—no fear, just looking for, and playing with, the authentic voice within.
No straight lines for thinking and doing. Nature does not have straight lines. Einstein knew this and he created an entire science around the idea of curved space-time. String theory does it too. I live it in my art. And so it goes.
Difficult but necessary—that's the way it felt. I am working to get past this feeling of "difficulty" and get to a place where it is simple process. This will come with successful outcomes. I will not feel so nervous about re-making an image if the one lost is replaced by one which is more sincere and profound. After all, the need for a re-make is a result of seeking authenticity in expression. The image of "Intimidation" shown yesterday is not as good as the image shown today: proof I did the right thing!
Talking about risk taking; that is exactly what happened in yesterday's drawings. More and more I simply "go for it." I am beginning to unleash the line and form as fast as I feel it. You can see this in the drawings. By meat, I mean the painting. Right now copious amounts of information are being gathered in my drawing, every time I draw. Yesterday's drawing shows this again. I have wondered if the distractions of the holidays, which restricted my studio time, was good or bad for my painting. Yes, it did delay the paint going on canvas, but I cannot discount the enormous amount of drawings I did as a source of strength and information. Drawing is the training for the more sustained concentration that is painting. The urge to paint is upon me. More important is the welling up of confidence that the recent spate of drawings has given me. The gathered knowledge, which is this feeling of strength required to enter a painting with optimism that nothing is too difficult to solve, also translates into the feeling that no subject can lack the requirements to animate my attention. This makes me think about Luc Tuymans. He bounces around with disparate choices of subject matter. Tuymans loves the human head, but also finds interesting compositions in many mundane objects of this world and makes nearly abstract works with these images. To illustrate this contrast I show two of Luc Tuymans' works. I can see this happening to me. The idea that every subject is expressively interesting is an outgrowth of the knowledge that drawing is expressive in itself when informed with its vast qualities, its ability to express by line, form, value, contrast, shape, and composition.
It just happens. I just have to show up and it keeps happening. It is not quite that simple. You have to bring all of your baggage into the studio too. The baggage is everything you know, everything you feel, all your damages on the surface of your intuition. Walking up to the canvas is one thing, the act of marking the canvas is another. Drawing is the great practice. I am enjoying this so much because of the skill embedded within me, surfacing in every mark I make. I enjoy dotting the eye and lighting it up as it turns in its artificial space. That's a skill. This little act is the reason I return again and again; because feeling the power of a skill is an enormous reminder of the extraordinary quality which is living.
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April 2024
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