"Tonstant Weader Fwowed Up" (2021 No.10, state 8), oil on canvas, 56x62¼ inches, {"And it is that word 'hummy', my darlings, that marks the first place in 'The House at Pooh Corner' at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up." - Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), in "The New Yorker", 20 October 1928, reviewed by Dorothy Parker as "Constant Reader"} I want to cry over the beauty of my paintings and drawings. I am not there yet. It is my goal. I want myself, and my viewers, to feel so very deeply the sincerity, and the nuanced beauty, of each of my art works, so much so that they are filled with emotion, emotion that spills so hard that they break down and cry. I am taking baby steps in that direction. I am not there yet.
"Tonstant Weader Fwowed Up " (2021 No.10, state 3), oil on canvas, 46¾x61¾ inches, {"And it is that word 'hummy', my darlings, that marks the first place in 'The House at Pooh Corner' at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up." -Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), in "The New Yorker", 20 October 1928, reviewed by Dorothy Parker as "Constant Reader"} Here I represent one day of work. I make no judgments! I took a few steps. Forward steps, perhaps, sideways, perhaps, definitely NOT backward. I do feel these are moves in the right direction. Are these the done deal. No! These works, the ones I show here, are like one act in getting dressed for the day; I buckled my shoe. I got ready to take larger steps forward.
My soul is there for my taking. Here is a drawing that gets one step closer to who I am by virtue of what I know to be true.
Whether I am right or I am wrong, I believe in this feeling of Wonder & Glory. I feel discovery. I am amazed. This drawing, my work, it feels right and good. I do fear self-delusion; in any case, I am enjoying this momentary feeling of success. Seldom do I feel entitled to self-respect. Seldom do I feel I owe myself celebratory elation. I have taken a step in the right direction. That's the way I feel.
"Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 14), oil on canvas, 64x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} Sometimes you do not know the worth of your own products. Yesterday's drawing is a mystery to me. It is what it is. I made it. It feels a smidgen alien. What does it mean? In other words, some of my drawings, and some of my paintings, feel more intimately mine than others.
The painting, "Gonna Speak to the Crowd", took a turn toward resolution yesterday. After yesterday's work I believe I can finish it properly. My work in this world is pushing, shoving, digging, unearthing. I work, I seek, I find. I believe I am getting better, better all the time, because I am better at following clues, following my nose. Bit by bit I unearth truth revealed as circumstance; each circumstance is built on years of my experiential living, and years of work by those who came before. I am a participant in a cultural revelation, which sometimes feels like a cultural revolution. I do believe we can become who we are meant to be. This journey is instigated by a destination unrealized. I have found a foundation. My work is to construct upon that foundation, one block at a time, one step at a time. Today I give you one step along my way.
"Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 4), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} I am in simple mode, dedicated to centered mindfulness. I am potently aware of my task. Awareness has place me on a path of enhancement, step by step. Actually, this feels more like journey by continuum, not click by click stepping. This relatively simple painting, "Honorable Terms", reflects the simplicity of the idea that has become my mindful journey. This painting is aptly titled for this moment in my present tense mindset.
"Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 6), oil on canvas, 62¾x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} I am marching, step by step, trying to keep in proper step with myself. Yesterday's work done on the painting "Gonna Speak to the Crowd", is an example. This is me seeking good footing, seeking security with each step I take. Is each step perfect, correct, secure? No, not at all; each step does seek security, correctness. I step and listen; there it is, my personal response: good, bad, right, wrong, or questionable. If questionable, I have but one option; I must step again in that direction. I must further explore the deed just done.
"The Opposite of Indifference" (2021 No.4, state 14), oil on canvas, 54x51 inches, {"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. Because of indifference one dies before one actually dies. To be in the window and watch people being sent to concentration camps or being attacked in the street and do nothing, that's being dead. His or her neighbor are of no consequence. Their hidden or visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the Other to an Abstraction." - Elie Wiesel, "US News & World Report" (27 October 1986)} The end of a painting occurs when the creative experience is satiated. Any further participation is a waste on creativity. Such is the position of the painting, "The Opposite of Indifference" (2021 No.4). I move on. Thus came yesterday's drawing. Experimentation in pursuit of a higher degree of immediate self-expression is in this drawing. I have many steps to take before satisfying my journey. Actually, satisfying a life's journey looks to be impossible, from my perspective.
BTW: That form that twists to the right, out from behind the rectangular pole, should have ended in a similar form, but one much larger. That would have made it a better drawing. Perhaps I will change that tomorrow. "The Opposite of Indifference" (2021 No.4, state 10), oil on canvas, 54x51 inches, {"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. Because of indifference one dies before one actually dies. To be in the window and watch people being sent to concentration camps or being attacked in the street and do nothing, that's being dead. His or her neighbor are of no consequence. Their hidden or visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the Other to an Abstraction." - Elie Wiesel, "US News & World Report" (27 October 1986)} Here I exhibit two works, two steps as I acknowledge centering a composition is necessary to demand viewer attention. The drawing uses negative space more fully than positive space. Is it fully successful? Does it capture your attention? You be the judge. I call it an ardent step in the right direction!
|
To read my profile go to MEHRBACH.com.
At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
April 2024
|