 "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2, state 12), oil on canvas, 60x33 inches {"Life is sweet at the edge of a razor; And down in the front row of an old picture show the old man is asleep as the credits start to roll. And I want to know, the same thing everyone wants to know, how's it going to end?" -Tom Waits} "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2) continues its development. Here is state 12. This morning I walked into the studio; immediately this painting called to me for adjustments. Nothing extensive need be done. "How's It Gonna End" requires subtle enhancements. Great augmentation will occur with minor adjustments. The formal potency of this work will increase. BTW: Yesterday the width of this painting grew about one inch (such a bonus is available because I work on an oversized canvas tacked to a work wall).
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 Drawing 03·20·2019 No.1, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 03·20·2019 No.2, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I continue to react to "Doublethink". You can see a couple of reactions by viewing yesterday's drawings. No.1 is thick and close-packed, No.2 is more open with just one large form on its left and interweaving forms as contrast on its right. This complex game I am playing with myself is me unravelling my own doublethink. I am looking for a home.
 "Doublethink" (2019 No.3, state 1), oil on canvas, 58x58 inches {"Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them." -George Orwell, "Nineteen Eighty Four" (1949)} My methodology is more multi-think than Doublethink. This concerns me. I worry I see in a complicated and complex manner. I worry this makes it difficult to communicate through my art. Am I allowing myself to solve the needs of an image by multitasking the image? Instead, should I be simplifying my images toward their basic instincts? When I began the new painting, "Doublethink", I had ambition; I wanted restrict it to two contradictory and contrasting forms. Obviously this did not happen in state 1. You can see "Doublethink" as two contrasting areas; the left playing with rectangular in/out rotational vigor, the right with rounded up/down spinning-top-like verticality. I am not sure I will work on "Doublethink" again today. I need its complexity to percolate within/without me. There is a very complex drawing on my drawing board right now. It waits for me to solve it, to finish it off. I began this drawing with thoughts similar to those I began "Doublethink". My thoughts were similar in their simplicity-seeking. The drawing ran away toward a self-imposed complex solution. It feels self-imposed by the drawing, but of course it is me. It is me who is self-trained to see this way. This morning, in my effort to question my complexity, I purchased a sketch book. I hope it will help me resolve my issues with myself. I will use the sketch book to experiment with different ways to tackle by complex-seeing personality. I believe I am in need of simplification. I could be wrong.
 "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2, state 11), oil on canvas, 60x32 inches {"Life is sweet at the edge of a razor; And down in the front row of an old picture show the old man is asleep as the credits start to roll. And I want to know, the same thing everyone wants to know, how's it going to end?" -Tom Waits} Yesterday a lot happened to "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2). It broke toward clarity! This surprised me. I was going along, trying this, thinking that, doubting myself, slogging along, then suddenly came a moment when clarity descended like rain from a cloud. It began to make sense. This is normal for me. Accepting this as normalcy is important. It buoys my ability to hang-in there, do the slog. The great thing is this: I now believe in my own consistency; I trust in my ability to find the wherewithal to get to the insight that will release me from doubt and discomfort. Yesterday it happened to "How's It Gonna End".
Also, yesterday I prepared a new canvas. It sits waiting on my work wall. I know its size and I know its name. I give it to you now while it sits in state zero (no image need be reproduced): "Doublethink" (2019 No.3), oil on canvas, 58x58 inches {"Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them." -George Orwell, "Nineteen Eighty Four" (1949)}  "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2, state 10), oil on canvas, 60x32 inches {"Life is sweet at the edge of a razor; And down in the front row of an old picture show the old man is asleep as the credits start to roll. And I want to know, the same thing everyone wants to know, how's it going to end?" -Tom Waits} I have an idea, an insight! There is a solution in front of me; "How's It Gonna End" is gonna end! That is a very good thing. It is very good because I had been working in an unfathomable dark mood. Confusion pervaded me. I needed a solution. I needed something that worked. I needed something that felt right. I needed clarity. Now I tell you the best thing about being an artist: Solutions exist! A solution brings the feeling of clarity. Clarity brings the feeling of self-worth. Is it all a sham? It does not matter. It doesn't matter because feeling good, feeling optimistic, is not a sham. It is real!
 Drawing 03·14·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Last night I awoke at 4am. I usually sleep quite well, with tons of dreams, but rarely do I awake with questions and self-doubt. Last night I did. Where can I do better? I have not worked on the painting "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2) for a week. Also, I want to move onto a new painting, but doubt surrounds me; I have been stepping carefully, looking out for poop. My being awake last night informed me: it is time to move boldly. Here comes creativity! Today I will return to "How's It Gonna End". Yesterday's drawing, last night's disturbance, and my recent lack of initiative on "How's It Gonna End"... all of this spells time for me to leap, or die! How does yesterday's drawing come into this? It is the left side of yesterday's drawing that is informative. It is the right side of the painting "How's It Gonna End" that requires a big fix. Information for the fix is in the left of yesterday's drawing.
 Drawing 03·12·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I apprenticed for four years with a wonderful artist, Seymour Leichman. One of Seymour's first decrees to me, his apprentice and art student, was this: "A work of art should be an announcement, a performance, similar to one by a great actor on the stage; it should speak clearly and grandly, it should exude quality and strength of purpose." Today I show you two announcements, both with clarity and purpose. My first announcement is yesterday's drawing. It is a head-on classical composition. I enjoy its insistent compositional motion which forces the viewer to wander left, right, up and down; this is grand classicism, reminiscent of Pablo Picasso's best work (e.g., "Guernica"). My second announcement is a reproduction of the postcard for my upcoming exhibitions this Spring and Summer (see below). 2019 Spring & Summer Exhibitions – Announcement Postcard
 "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2, state 9), oil on canvas, 59.5x32 inches {"Life is sweet at the edge of a razor; And down in the front row of an old picture show the old man is asleep as the credits start to roll. And I want to know, the same thing everyone wants to know, how's it going to end?" -Tom Waits}  Drawing 03·07·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches One day comes, I believe I know how to do this. The next days comes, I feel awash with more questions that are without easy answers. Nothing is obviously right or wrong. I wander as if in a desert. I am contemplating. I am alone. There is doubt. I am working. I am brainstorming. I am seeking. I find; I question everything I find. Am I being successful? I do not know. Such is the process of making-art.
Two days ago I believed I had made a breakthrough drawing. I tried to repeat the process. No two days, not two drawings, no two acts are identical. Nothing can be repeated. Each activity stands by itself. The path is evident; the next step lays before me, but the place I am going is not known. I accept this. This process is lively and mysterious. I trust it is worthwhile; I believe it will reward me with more: more knowledge, more ideas, more questions, more results. I will possess a lot of more!  Drawing 03·06·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches You know it when you see it! I knew it when I was doing it! This drawing is a jump in expression of knowledge and emotions. It fits me like a correctly sized glove. It is a hallmark of great things to come. Am I gushing too much? Methinks "No!"
 "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2, state 8), oil on canvas, 59.5x32 inches {"Life is sweet at the edge of a razor; And down in the front row of an old picture show the old man is asleep as the credits start to roll. And I want to know, the same thing everyone wants to know, how's it going to end?" -Tom Waits}  Drawing 03·05·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches When Alberto Giacometti reached maturity he perceived his struggle as no longer a problem of creation, but one of destruction. His struggle was one for purity and perfection. Giacometti commented his sculptures often became so thin that one more swipe with the scalpel would reduce them to dust. I paraphrase, but the meaning is clear. I have reached a point in my art-making which worries me. Purity and perfection are enemies as well as a friends. They drive me, but they also force me to ask these questions: Will I always fail? Will striving for perfection not allow me to know a work is complete? With each work I am concerned I will be left with only a confused mess. This struggle is artificial. I am alive and well. I will not allow myself to be pulled astray. My energy is relentlessly focused on accomplishing the correct image. Each work is different.
Yesterday's drawing appears with too many rounded forms. It is shallow with little three-dimensional animation. I despaired while making it. In this drawing I had pulled away from my recent idea that three-dimensional contrast is extremely important to my expression. Today is new day. Today I make a new drawing. I will react to my concerns, the problems I see in yesterday's drawing. Yesterday I left the studio worried about the painting "How's It Gonna End" (2019 No.2). I wondered if yesterday's vast reworking of this painting had gone well. Looking at its reproduction this morning, I believe it did move in a good direction. Phew! |
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
March 2019
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