The beat goes on.
Fascinating it is, that the struggle of my life is not a struggle for understanding and skill, but for simple and clear. It ain't easy for me to accept simplicity. Simplicity, it seems, is far more difficult to render well than complex and overwhelming. Paring down to essentials is hard work; much harder than letting loose with a spill of ideas. Ideas come easy; sorting out the relevant comes hard.
Looking for simple and direct is not simple nor direct. It is a battle in the middle of my personal war against distraction and discomfort. These two drawings are steps, but not finalities; there are no finalities. Happily I do believe I am winning the war, despite no battle being definitive enough for congratulations. So in the soon-time I am making new works as steps in the long-time. My self-propulsion is ardent, instigated by my need to problem solve my personal lack of completion. Thankfully these steps feel like right ones. I do believe I am headed in the right direction.
My Pecha Kucha, developed at the behest of Silvermine Galleries, is available on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=szzy_syjNkQ. The announcement postcard for this exhibit, and the Pecha Kucha, are below. All relevant information regarding the 70th A-ONE exhibit can be seen on the postcard. This Pecha Kucha explains my creative life, from informative years to the painting, Amidst a Falling World, now on view at the 70th A-ONE Exhibition. This Pecha Kucha is 20 slides with 20 voice overs by me, each slide last 20 seconds, total run time = 6 minutes 40 seconds.
Yesterday's beginning of a drawing is shown below the postcard. This drawing feels like a new beginning. I will work on the same drawing today. I believe a lot of excellent work is about to spill from me. My level of understanding has recently taken a big step toward clarity.
Can you believe it? More and more are required. There is a "forever without end" doctrine at work here; or is it... "til death do we part"? Time will tell; time rules me and every human. Living forever would be helpful. I think I will solve this, i.e., I will solve myself if I have enough time!
Yesterday's drawings challenge my recent "darken til satisfied" idea. My recent drawings have been very good, but very good and satisfying are two different things.
I keep on rolling, rollin'. More today. More till I am satisfied. Satisfaction is impossible. So more will be coming. I will paint again soon. I will take the big lessons I have learned from my recent drawings; I will make the best paintings of my career. This is all to come, never ending till death.
Today I show an incredibly rich drawing. It is a remake of the second drawing from 09/04/2020. I once was a Wunderkind. Today I am a laborer in love and mindfulness. If you doubt my having been a Wunderkind, visit my CATALOGUE RAISONNÉ 1987-91; those were my formative years. There you will see my first personal pictures, those made on my own, after I had left the mentorship of Philip Guston.
Yesterday confirms I have arrived. I am capable. I am able to make work that expresses the momentary me. In my early years I had found this too, but self-doubt, and my need to be more than an artist, had separated me from the quest for pure and selfish self-expression. I wanted to live fully, have children, have a great love, and teach the young. I did that. Now I fully return to my selfish quest to express myself. My recent drawings are marks in my journey. I am now taking one remarkable step at time toward being all I can be as artist and self-expressionist.
There is only one way to travel; in the here and now. Thus comes my acceptance of my path, step by step; always in the present tense. Yesterday's drawing is one step then, not now. More steps will be taken in the now of today.
It is fleeting, this feeling that I know what I am doing. Safety is not an option. Discomfort is all there is. I hope this is temporary nervousness. Can I blame it on Covid-19 and our dystopian politics? I think not. This is me. This is my struggle to express fully and adequately. Discomfort instigates the next step. Yesterday's second drawing feels better than the first. The first came stiffly; as if I knew the investigation I wanted to make. The second flew, created like watching a mystery unravel. It came mindfully, me watching carefully, yet the task spilled out with robust tenacity of purpose, full of courage, accompanied by audacity. I believe the higher quality of the second drawing is obvious.
"You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows..." (Bob Dylan). I am following the wind. This is one more weathervane in my arsenal.
Subterranean Homesick Blues
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