 Drawing 11·23·2020 (state 2), pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 11·22·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches I have begun a practice of returning to drawings which I had believed finished. This looking back is helping me. I am making good drawings better. I am learning about the error of my ways. Some of my drawings suffer endings because I have exhausted myself; thus their possibilities are limited by exhaustion. Others are made deceptively complex, thus diluting their impact. I go back a second day to eliminate and strengthen, moving these drawings to a basic, more forceful simplicity.
It has been my habit to make drawing a daily exercise. I believed drawing was a daily exercise, unlike painting. I believed drawings were to be completed in one sitting, while paintings were exercised over multiple days. The complexity of my understanding is leading to failure to complete in my one-day/drawing habit. Energy of one day is becoming an issue too. Proper completion is impossible when complexity meets the limits of energy. The other issue is exhaustion removes the edgy, robust energy required in order to see strength in simplicity. The first drawing I show today took three days to make (I did not photograph state 1; I must have known state 1 failed a finality test). The second drawing is simple investigation; it feels basic because it is simple research into one avenue of possibilities. I do not like the second drawing. It is here, which may be the last time it will be seen in public.
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 Drawing 11·21·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches The Sea of My Ideas is an Ocean of Possibilities. Not all of them are open to me. I am not a Picasso, or a Matisse, nor a Philip Guston. Yet here I come, revealing myself to myself and to you. I am looking for a revelation of me. I am surprised, and daunted. Surprised, because I have so much to say. Daunted, because this task of "saying" is exceptional, because it is without a roadmap. I must work to walk this path; it is a steep, uphill path. Yesterday's drawing is a good solid step, forward. The drawing shown here feels both simple and complex. It is simple because it is simply me. This drawing secretes my interests; it reveals my psyche; interests and psyche are intently exposed. I believe it is a milestone. This drawing marks a segment achieved on my journey of many years. There is no easy task in front of me. Uphill I go.
 Drawing 11·20·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches The days go by. I work. I see more. I do more. My insights, my memory, my intellect, my connection to my emotional life, all are getting better, stronger, more lucid. This does not mean one masterwork after another are being produced. Everything I make is better than anything I created a year ago, even a month ago. Consistency is a hallmark of mastery.
Yesterday's drawing is excellent. It has fallen back into a complexity that makes me uneasy. When I get to the studio I will place it next to some of the works that make me most comfortable. Comfortable and high quality are not the same. This is me working to get myself all together now.  Drawing 11·19·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 11·18·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Staying alive and active is paramount. Things are a-poppin'! Invention as simultaneous to being is adamant. Steadfastly I draw in order to exude that which I feel in the moments of feeling and knowing. This is my effort to make the act of production a melding of intellect and emotions. The production is the physical appearance of things called art, drawings and paintings. I have unrelenting determination to make images that construct authentic representation of my innermost knowing and feeling. These art works are me seeking unswerving mindfulness. Yes, I am seeking self-expression at its highest level. I am resolved to make truth while in the act of making-art. This is practice in mindfulness, which, like art, can never reach its ultimate conclusion, its ultimate expression of pure truth and knowledge.
The drawings I show today occurred over two days. I celebrate these as two good steps forward.  Drawing 11·12·2020 (state 2), pencil on paper, 20x16 inches This drawing is indicative of the reinvention I am undergoing. It is state 2 of Drawing 11·12·2020. Look back at state 1 of this drawing to see the simplification it has undergone. These changes exude my movement toward more clear, more true; this is me paring down, finding the essence of my emotional and intellectual being.
 Drawing 11·15·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  "Stubborn & Egotistical" (2020 No.4, state 4), oil on canvas, 64½x55 inches {"If we've learned anything from the best-selling 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' children's book series, it's that those who see themselves surrounded by idiots are usually idiots themselves." -Jakob Augstein, "Stubborn and Egotistical" (Spiegel Online, 3/25/2013)} Not so fast! I can do this. Slow and measured care is required. Gone are my days of fever pitched creation. Desiring my Art to exhibit depth of emotion, depth of intellect, is now primary to me, primary to my images. This is a change. Developing technique and skill had been dominating my practice. No longer. Welcome to my days of constant, thoughtful, considered, judicious, resolute development. This is me producing the The Who I Am in my Art.
The drawing I show today looks a bit simple to me. The painting is good; it makes sense in quest for lucid self-expression. Simplicity of message is important. These two works are two steps in the direction that is clear messaging.  Drawing 11·08·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 11·11·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  Drawing 11·12·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  "Stubborn & Egotistical" (2020 No.4, state 3), oil on canvas, 64½x55 inches {"If we've learned anything from the best-selling 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' children's book series, it's that those who see themselves surrounded by idiots are usually idiots themselves." -Jakob Augstein, "Stubborn and Egotistical" (Spiegel Online, 3/25/2013)} Mastery is here. However, to remain masterful I need to look again, and again, in order to self-critique with honesty. Honesty does not come easily. My art is too often dishonest. Looking multiple times, returning till honesty is achieved, that is necessary to finding my truthful path.
Each drawing shown today was completed over a series of days. Mostly, they are very good. However, the last drawing must be corrected; a correction that will reduce it to essentials. This reduction has already occurred in the first two drawings. All of these drawings required multiple days to reduce to their present depiction. I am learning to eliminate falderal. In this journey toward greater mastery, the elimination of the frivolous, and the elimination of the unnecessary, has become my main concern. Let us look at the third drawing, begun on 11/12/2020. It has an appendage on its dark, arm-like thrusting form, the one that enters from the right. That form is an unnecessary, circular form. It will be eliminated because it is falderal. Also, a small spherical dot resides in the dark shadows on the right; it too must disappear. Communicating truth and sincerity is more about simplicity of language than complexity of emotions. To communicate well I must rid myself of the crutches I too often annex in order to fill space. Filling space is not a worthy goal. Useless forms are distractions from truth! I am in the throws of simplifying till all is true. My goal is simple: I seek a journey worthy of my true self. State 3 of the painting, "Stubborn & Egotistical", is here too.  Drawing 11·08·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 10·21·2020 (state 2), pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Here I am. I find failure and success in everything I do. Yesterday I revisited the drawing from 10/21/2020 (directly above👆). I made it simpler. I made it more to the point. I am learning that meaninglessness must be removed in order to express accurately. Look back at my blog post of 10/22/2020 to see the earlier version of this drawing. It is obvious; I removed the falderal. Right now, this paring down to true and essential has become my most important work. Then how did I create the drawing at the top today's page? Drawing 11·08·2020 shows the complexity of my thoughts, which are relentless, but (perhaps) distractive, and annoyingly about composition, but not meaning. Simple clarity of expression is most important. Complexity must be abandoned. Complexity occurs when my thinking steers toward pattern, not emotional significance.
 Drawing 11·03·2020, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches More societal peace is coming. Some of you may think not. I can assure you, I feel better today then yesterday. My art is better. The world has moved in a more intelligent direction. The process of two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward... just took two steps forward.
 "Stubborn & Egotistical" (2020 No.4, state 2), oil on canvas, 64½x55 inches {"If we've learned anything from the best-selling 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' children's book series, it's that those who see themselves surrounded by idiots are usually idiots themselves." -Jakob Augstein, "Stubborn and Egotistical" (Spiegel Online, 3/25/2013)} Now that I understand my instructions, I anticipate paintings to flow in the same well informed manner as my recent drawings.
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November 2020
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