 "The Doctrine of Liberty" (2019 No.1, state 11), oil on canvas, 66x59.5 inches {"I believe there is a golden thread which alone gives meaning to the political history of the West, from Marathon to Alamein, from Solon to Winston Churchill and after. This I chose to call the doctrine of liberty under the law." -Anthony Sampson, "The Changing Anatomy of Britain", 1982} I am beginning to wake up earlier than usual. My anxiety is increasing. I have begun to worry about my upcoming exhibitions. I need to plan well. I need to get all my ducks in a row. There will be an overlap in two exhibits: AVA Gallery, Lebanon, NH (April 29 thru June 14) and Bromfield Gallery, Boston, MA (June 3 thru June 30). The overlap in timing is nerve-racking because I want to show my most recent works at both galleries. During the last week of the AVA show I will swap a few pieces out, moving them to Bromfield. The best of my most recent work will be at both Bromfield and AVA for their openings.
I will begin to plan both shows today. This will relieve some of my anxiety. Trying to insure my best work is seen everywhere, whenever and wherever it is shown, is a big anxiety maker. Yesterday I nicely brought the painting, "The Doctrine of Liberty", to near-conclusion. This is reassuring. However, making art is so important to me, so imbedded in my psyche as necessary to balance and quietude, that I get anxious when I think about giving up the making of art in order to mount an exhibition.
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 Drawing 02·13·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Every so often I stretch, pull out the kinks, ask basic questions. Such is the drawing I show today. It does not strike me as particularly inspired. It does look like a simple application of ideas known, ideas that required themselves to be questioned again. I proceed on an inevitable path. Inevitability is defined by taking step after step with resounding intuitive knowledge.
 "The Doctrine of Liberty" (2019 No.1, state 10), oil on canvas, 66x59.5 inches {"I believe there is a golden thread which alone gives meaning to the political history of the West, from Marathon to Alamein, from Solon to Winston Churchill and after. This I chose to call the doctrine of liberty under the law." -Anthony Sampson, "The Changing Anatomy of Britain", 1982}  Drawing 02·12·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches Almost, but it is not perfect yet! "The Doctrine of Liberty" looks like one more day of work till completion. It is an incredible painting, incredibly profound and rich. I accept its ending will not be perfect — its completion will bring questions that will drive me to seek answers in my next painting. The process has taken over. The result of an answer is a new question. This Q&A method is exactly the way yesterday's drawing was made.
 "Chaos, Stillness & Prayer" (2018 No.9, state 10), oil on canvas, 54x36 inches {"Art has something to do with the achievement of stillness in the midst of chaos. A stillness which characterizes prayer, too, and the eye of the storm.... an arrest of attention in the midst of distraction." -Saul Bellow, "Writers at Work: Third Series", 1967}  Drawing 02·10·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches The most painful part of being an artist is doubt. Everything completed could have gone a million different ways. Decisions were made along the way that steered each work of art one way or the other. If it went one way, the other is lost. I can never know the other possibility because the moment I finish a work I am newly educated; I think differently than before I began the work. Lost is truly lost, never to be regained. There is no possibility of repeating the moment of inspiration; beginnings are available only once. It is with this feeling of not-knowing, not-knowing other possible outcomes, that I declare the painting "Chaos, Stillness & Prayer" complete.
Drawings have these death moments as well. Yesterday's drawing is excellent, but it is not so distant in my memory, so I wonder about the choices I did not make. Here is where memory heals doubt. Two days from now I will walk in the studio and be very happy with Drawing 02·10·2019. Today I look at it and wonder about the possibilities it did not follow. Not-knowing hurts!  "Chaos, Stillness & Prayer" (2018 No.9, state 9), oil on canvas, 54x36 inches {"Art has something to do with the achievement of stillness in the midst of chaos. A stillness which characterizes prayer, too, and the eye of the storm.... an arrest of attention in the midst of distraction." -Saul Bellow, "Writers at Work: Third Series", 1967} Almost, but not quite — the painting "Chaos, Stillness & Prayer" requires today to make real its possibilities. Today it will transition to full reality. Angst is taking over. I need to begin a new painting. I have new ideas that need to take shape on canvas. There is hunger in me to self-discover forward. My success rate, as measured by the quality of my paintings, is greater than ever before. My new works always speak more accurately to me than my past works, thus adding to my angst. Time is limited, now and in the future. I choose to maximize my ideas.
 Drawing 02·07·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches It will happen shortly. My art will be due at galleries for exhibition. This fact hit me hard last week. I negotiated final dates and works to be exhibited. Stay tuned for more information. I have three exhibits scheduled this year, and more possible. My first exhibit begins in Late April.
Exhibiting is confusing to me because it comes with good, bad, and ugly. Bothersome it is to my most important activity, my most fulfilling activity: The making of art itself. The drawing shown here is from two days ago. It is a complex and excellent drawing. There is a push/pull of three-dimensional space, excellence in value contrasts, and a robust, active composition.  "The Doctrine of Liberty" (2019 No.1, state 9), oil on canvas, 66x59.5 inches {"I believe there is a golden thread which alone gives meaning to the political history of the West, from Marathon to Alamein, from Solon to Winston Churchill and after. This I chose to call the doctrine of liberty under the law." -Anthony Sampson, "The Changing Anatomy of Britain", 1982} Is it better to have a good dog than to make paintings? I lament not having a wonderful dog in my life; all of them gone. When they were here they helped me be calmly satisfied. Making art is rarely calming. The best it can get is where I am now! This will not last. Soon I will move to my next worry, the next problem to solve.
I feel good today because yesterday I successfully problem-solved my way through a painting. The "The Doctrine of Liberty" is good. It speaks to my ability to solve. Solutions such as this painting have grandness of spirit. The result is this moment, me feeling fulfilled and worthy. Unfortunately this satisfaction is momentary. Having the constant companion of a good dog lasted longer. "The Doctrine of Liberty" is grand; it is an imposing painting. It talks boldly and subtly. Its details and its overall composition are both interesting. Simultaneity of the emotive quality of big and small are important to me. This painting is doing it!  "The Doctrine of Liberty" (2019 No.1, state 8), oil on canvas, 66x59.5 inches {"I believe there is a golden thread which alone gives meaning to the political history of the West, from Marathon to Alamein, from Solon to Winston Churchill and after. This I chose to call the doctrine of liberty under the law." -Anthony Sampson, "The Changing Anatomy of Britain", 1982} Yesterday was just another day at work. Paying attention to the transitions occurring to the image in front of me brings visceral response after visceral response. My day by day work is intuitive alteration after intuitive alteration after intuitive alteration. It is repetitive in reaction but not repetitive in action or consequence. "The Doctrine of Liberty" is clearly educating me. Liberty is not without responsibility. Choosing to be responsible is liberty. Liberty is viscerally acting, making real my educated intuitive ideas. Profundity is found by following the call of my intuition till there is no more call. "The Doctrine of Liberty" is becoming a profound work of art, but it is not completely there yet.
 "The Doctrine of Liberty" (2019 No.1, state 7), oil on canvas, 66x59.5 inches {"I believe there is a golden thread which alone gives meaning to the political history of the West, from Marathon to Alamein, from Solon to Winston Churchill and after. This I chose to call the doctrine of liberty under the law." -Anthony Sampson, "The Changing Anatomy of Britain", 1982}  Drawing 02·02·2019, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches The constant back and forth is not second-guessing; It is guessing! Try this! Is that right? Yes! No! Maybe? Yeah, that's it! There is a lot right about both the drawing and the painting I show today. The drawing I call "done." The painting, "The Doctrine of Liberty", requires several more sessions. There are little things in "The Doctrine of Liberty" that bother me. Also, there are big things that bother me. Little things, such as the vertical ochre-colored strand on the left requires more tactile touches in order to better animate its accent. Big things, such as the many value and color relationships that need to be revisited, enhanced so as to bring full power to the entire image — this image is in need of total integration through contrast of values within the overall play of its dominant atmospheric color. And so it goes...
 Drawing 01·31·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  "Chaos, Stillness & Prayer" (2018 No.9, state 8), oil on canvas, 54x36 inches {"Art has something to do with the achievement of stillness in the midst of chaos. A stillness which characterizes prayer, too, and the eye of the storm.... an arrest of attention in the midst of distraction." -Saul Bellow, "Writers at Work: Third Series", 1967} I will not relent. This is poetry. As poet I continually revisit, alter the script yet conserve the basic idea; My process is consistent enhancement of meaning. That is my job. This work of mine will not become genre, nor will it become extinct. Like Rotrouenge, it is lyrical and has repeated elements that may be called refrains. However, I believe in contrast; the repetition of marks and/or forms is contrasted against the entirety. I also believe my work is mostly similar to Rotrouenge because "...the original genre may have lost its distinct identity." Yesterday I revisited the painting "Chaos, Stillness & Prayer" (2018 No.9). Today I show state 8. It is now essentially complete, yet requires a once-over to affirm its completion. Yesterday's drawing continues my research into hard versus rounded forms. Rotrouenge (from Wikipedia) |
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