 Drawing 08·02·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·02·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 08·02·2020 No.3, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches These drawing are exploratory; these drawings came like poof! I know the next few paintings will shore up my present knowledge. This is an exciting time. I am who I am. Because of these drawings I am a wee bit closer to knowing who I am. These drawings represent my recent two steps forward, i.e., forward into my present self-knowing.
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 "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 16), oil on canvas, 66¼x57¼ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)}  Drawing 08·01·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Yesterday's drawing scares me. Mostly because I do not have strong feelings about it. Does it succeed? Unable to answer this question, I will move on to something that is more clearly me. There is substance in this drawing, but it is squarely not pure nor direct, so it scares me. Who made this drawing? Drawing today with rectify me.
I took one more step on the painting "Amidst a Falling World". It is ripening; there are nuances showing their true light. A couple days ago I believed I could finish this painting with one quick response. Here I am in state 16 with a few more nuance checks and balances to come. I very much want to begin a new painting using my current body of knowledge. But building on my knowledge by completing the last couple of paintings is required before I can move on.  "Amidst a Falling World" (2020 No.3, state 15), oil on canvas, 66¼x57¼ inches {"Should the whole frame of nature around him break, In ruin and confusion hurled, He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, And stand secure amidst a falling world." - Horace (65-8BC), "Odes", book 3, no.4, I.52)} So this is me? Not quite yet (Which is one of my many mantras). More and more to come!
 Drawing 07·30·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·30·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I will paint today. Unfortunately, the two spaces on my work wall which are available for painting are occupied. Both paintings on the work wall require completion. So, that is today's task. I am inhaling, taking in my knowledge; I feel ready to burst; I need to begin a new painting! The practicality of finishing restricts me; I will hold my breathe, finish at least one of the two paintings on my work wall, then I will blow out strongly; out will come a new painting. The new painting will represent my acquisition of understanding, which (right now) feels very broad, very strong, and very full.
Yesterday's drawings are grandly excellent. I know this. I feel this. Yesterday's drawings exhibit great maturity. I am ready to paint with great maturity. Maturity to me means I know what I am, who I am. It is time to express myself with this newest of feelings.  Drawing 07·28·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·28·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Perfection is a myth. Some questions can be answered. No sophisticated question can be answered with a perfectly correct sophisticated answer. Why is the sand wet? "Because the the sea weed!" That is NOT the correct answer. Sand being wet is NOT confusing. But the answer to the question of it being wet can be deceptively given, albeit humorous. This is not my game. I am trying to go right at myself, right at self-expression. No deception here. Yesterday's drawings were two steps in the right direction.
Have you noticed? I have not been painting a lot! Well, after making yesterday's drawings, I believe major paintings are coming. Drawings are my first experiments with truth. Paintings require me to extend my truth-making over days, sometimes months. I must feel truth deeply in order to sustain a painting. There is so much substantial truth in these two drawings that I believe they are harbingers of great paintings to come.  Drawing 07·26·2020 No.3, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·26·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·26·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Yesterday, one drawing to the next came with additional clarity. Forward in knowing came by acceptance of backward knowledge that I had been unable to fully bring into my art-making. I am getting closer to fully stripping away my preconceptions and bias. The drawings I show you here are listed in reverse of their making, last-made to first-made; this inform me that stripping did occur in this one day of being mindful in my studio. This feels very good!
 Drawing 07·25·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches As elegant as yesterday's drawing is, I feel it is missing an element I seek. More clearly: It is missing the center of the element I seek. This drawing lacks a nucleus! Perhaps I do recognize there is a nucleus within its negative space. Is that enough? I don't believe it is. I require a positive nucleus to feel my work has become appropriately and properly me. As example, I show you a work by my mentor, Philip Guston. In his most abstract period, Guston (unlike his buddy, Jackson Pollock), understood the need for a painting to have a focal point. All-Over is not conducive to viewer involvement. All-Over is a cop out; it denotes a loss of interest in topic (as abstract as that topic may be). The painting I show you below, by Philip Guston, has a title relevant to today's discussion as well: "Zone", The title is unnecessary because its relevance is in its obvious visual nucleus.  Philip Guston, "Zone", oil on canvas, 1954  Drawing 07·24·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·16·2020 No.1 (state 2), pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I returned to the first drawing made on 7/16/2020. I altered it. My present process encapsulates sitting, staring, contemplating my past work. I mindfully revisit. I ask. I question. I wonder upon betterment. Yesterday's results from this revisit/rethink process are these drawings, shown today. The one at the top of this page, yesterday's original one, looks back while moving forward (it resembles other recent drawings). The lower drawing is an enhancement of the drawing I first made more than a week ago. I am learning from myself. I am critically examining my drawings, also looking back at work done early in my career; I am looking for successes and failures. This is research. (FYI: If you are interested in my examination of my past work, go to CATALOGUE RAISONNÉ.
 Drawing 07·23·2020 No.1, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·23·2020 No.2, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·23·2020 No.3, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·23·2020 No.4, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 07·23·2020 No.5, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches Now comes the confusion of the search. I will not promise you all good things, but I will promise an exciting search for the true and the authentic. Yesterday I made five drawings! Some better than others, some make more sense to me today than they did yesterday. Yeah, these drawings illustrate my mantra, "Two steps forward for every one backward!"
 Drawing 07·21·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches There is a certain moment in the Oeuvre of every artist I admire, a moment of transition, out of messy questioning and into disciplined clarity. This is my moment!
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
August 2020
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