 "Inertia to Movement" (2019 No.6, state 3), oil on canvas, 64.5x64.75 inches {"Emotion is the moment when steel meets flint and a spark is struck forth, for emotion is the chief source of consciousness. There is no change from darkness to light, or from inertia to movement, without emotion." -Carl G. Jung (1875-1961), "The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious", 1955, translation R.F.C Hull} The two Carls believe the same thing; i.e., Jung and Mehrbach. There is no change from darkness to light, or from inertia to movement, without emotion. It is me that I seek. I seek me by practicing the best means I have available, my emotional responsiveness. I like the changes that occurred yesterday in the painting Inertia to Movement. Here is witness to my accepting emotional response as responsibility. In this painting the layers of mess are contrasted with clearness and light, they exist in contraposition, one to the other. Through holding two opposing conditions simultaneously this painting exhibits one as true if, and only if, its contrapositive is true. Contraposition
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 Drawing 01·16·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches It is a mystery to me the vast degree of difference in sight and understanding, one person to the next. George Bernard Shaw told a story in his autobiography, writing that his eye doctor told him that he sees with normal vision; Shaw asked the doctor, "So I see like everyone else?" The doctor replied, "No, less than 10% of people have normal vision." I feel the same about my work. I believe I see with normal vision. My works visually communicates deep understanding, both intellectual and emotional. Yet I find people who celebrate the clarity of my vision far fewer than those who react to it in any substantial manner; they simply walk by. This is my quandary. I will continue my journey. I continue to hope my work will become more universal in its communication, its social intercourse, thus allowing me to share communion with others.
 Drawing 01·14·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches The mystery continues to unfold and unravel. Here is not easy to know, despite it being present and accounted for, it is not seen without pre-colored glasses. Thus work must be done. Yesterday's drawing is such a work. It is a working model. In other words, it is not an end but a means. I am on my path and I know not where it goes. My reaction to yesterday's drawing is good, which is important because it demonstrates I took a good step.
 Drawing 01·12·2020, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches You may have noticed. I have not made as much work as I usually make. My output has been less. My thought processes has been more. Is this totally conscious thinking? No! It is here and now preparation in search of truth and consequences. Slowly it unravels within me, and slowly it will be revealed outside of me; it is bounding into the physical world through my painting and my drawing. A couple days ago I purchased new paper and new canvas; the need for these materials is instigated by revolution within me. I am not going to sit tight with what I have. In my wish to be revealed I am on a journey that is my personal self-conquest. The difficulty is being true to myself as forces impinge upon me; I am mortal; I live in glory but am touched with fear that mortality lends to every moment. I feel rushed to get it all done, but know rushing the flow of internalization of ideas is foolhardy; making thoughts into real objects must not be forced into rapidity. Failure is not an option. When mortality succeeds I want to go with the comfort that I have accomplished self-knowing. Yesterday's drawing is a wonder of spontaneity and security. It felt true then, it feels true now. It also began with a reflection upon an old photo of the Twin Tower disaster of 9/11/2001. I have a photo of a bent piece of metal from one of the towers pasted on the wall of my studio. This photo shows metal remains being exhibited in a news conference. I must have placed it there in 2002. This unusually shaped metal object looks like a great piece of sculpture to me. It obviously touches me deeply. I began yesterday's drawing by accepting the profound effect this photo of this piece of one of the Twin Towers has on me; it must be relevant to my personal self-knowing; it is important to recognize this object as true to my journey in self-revelation. Noticing this truth, accepting this truth, is important. The importance is in the seeing, then in the accepting, an object in the external world as true to my psychic need to self-express. I will do more of this.  Shard of Metal from 9/11/2001 Twin Tower Disaster, News Clipping from Valley News, circa 2002  Drawing 01·07·2020, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches Today's title is sophisticated. I do not mean I am drawing less, making less strokes, making less marks, or eating lunch without peanut butter. I have been in the studio less; I am making the best work of my life.
 Drawing 01·02·2020 No.1, graphite on paper, 20x16 inches  Drawing 01·02·2020 No.2, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches It is time to not say much. The work must speak. I must stay silent. My questions are great. I am answering, but I am insecure with my answers. The more I do the more I will understand myself and the relevance of my work to myself — not there yet!
 Drawing 12·31·2019, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches "Out with the old, in with the new" is not relevant here. The last drawing of 2019 is a harbinger of those to come in 2020. That's it! Happy New Year!
 Drawing 12·29·2019, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches I am acutely aware of my failure to use negative space most effectively. I become acutely aware of my failure when I view master drawings, such as those of Philip Guston's (now on view at the Guggenheim Museum in New York City). Philip Guston happened to be my most important mentor. I studied with Guston for two years at Boston University (MFA 1979). Awareness of negative space is awareness of one's own personal, emotional space. Visual emotional communication is marks on blank paper or blank canvas. The emotional communication occurs by variation of marks and forms, and by the space left between those marks and forms. My drawing from yesterday does not do this poorly, but it is not as potently communicative as I want it to be. I failed to fully succeed because I did not effectively describe the stress between forms and marks; consequently this drawing does not feel as much as I feel.  Drawings by Philip Guston at the Guggenheim Museum (NYC), 12/28/2019  "Something Else Entirely" (2019 No.4, state 15), oil on canvas, 38.5x62.5 inches {"And you’d spend years trying to decipher the sentence, until finally you’d understand it. But after a while you’d realize you got it wrong, and the sentence meant something else entirely." - Tadeusz Dąbrowski, from the poem "Sentence"} "Something Else Entirely" is in state 15; it is beginning to make sense of itself. This process of allowing a painting to ripen by itself, it calling out its requirements, is a process of wonderment. It is nature at work; like weather, tectonic plates, and the development of species. "Something Else Entirely" has a few more states coming.
 Drawing 12·20·2019, graphite on paper, 16x20 inches Am deluding myself? Or...is my work is getting stronger with every effort? I believe this: The unknown essence that is my understanding of art-making, the art I am compelled to make, is increasing rapidly; my unknown is becoming known! Yesterday's drawing is formally robust, emotionally translucent, intellectually satisfying. This drawing steps in the direction that is solely mine. Seeing it trumpets fulfillment, but not finality of fulfillment.
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
January 2020
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