 "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 6), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} I am in a special place right now. I know and I do. That is how I feel. Quickly I recognize right and wrong. That is how I perceive it. It is, like Picasso said. Making-art is similar to being is a room with a draft on your neck from an open window. You recognize it, you close the window. You continue. You move on.
The painting, "Honorable Terms", is more correct today than yesterday. Compare today's state to the one published yesterday. You will see my successful effort toward centering.
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 "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 5), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} If you have been paying attention, day by day, I am taking a walk with the painting, "Honorable Terms". It is a walk toward centering. I am mindfully working to find center in every way possible: intellectually, spiritually, emotional, compositionally. This is honorable work, this is great work, thus this painting's title is apropos.
In front of me now is a paperweight with this quote from Oliver Wendall Holmes: "Every calling is great when greatly pursued."  "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 4), oil on canvas, 52x57⅞ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} I am in simple mode, dedicated to centered mindfulness. I am potently aware of my task. Awareness has place me on a path of enhancement, step by step. Actually, this feels more like journey by continuum, not click by click stepping. This relatively simple painting, "Honorable Terms", reflects the simplicity of the idea that has become my mindful journey. This painting is aptly titled for this moment in my present tense mindset.
 Drawing 07·22·2021, pencil on paper, 16x20 inches  "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 3), oil on canvas, 52x56¾ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} Can it be done? Can an image be made that is complex yet centered well enough to absorb the viewer? If centering is robust, the viewer remains to dwell upon the nuances within the whole. That was my challenge in making yesterday's drawing. Does that drawing work well? Does it accomplish my goal of viewer involvement? My painting yesterday was far simpler in its goal.
 Drawing 07·20·2021, pencil on paper, 20x16 inches  "Honorable Terms" (2021 No.7, state 2), oil on canvas, 52x56¾ inches, {"The roots of reason are imbedded in feelings — feelings that have formed and accumulated and developed over a lifetime of personality-shaping. These feelings are not a source of weakness but a resource of strength. They are not there for occasional using but are inescapable. To know what we think, we must know how we feel. It is feeling that shapes belief and forms opinion. It is feeling that directs the strategy of argument. It is our feelings, then, with which we must come to honorable terms." - James E. Miller, Jr., "Word, Self, Reality: The Rhetoric of Imagination" (1972)} One never knows which way the wind will blow, except there are (of course) prevailing winds. Mine are from the northeast.
 "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 11), oil on canvas, 64x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} Yesterday's labor was immense. I wrestled the painting, "Gonna Speak to the Crowd", from before-times into the present. It was not easy. I was totally consumed. I lost track of who I am and where I am. I ended the day in total exhaustion. The worth of such exercise is in the product, which speaks well of me. I do not need to say anything. "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" is the definition of centering. Centering is a topic I have tried to describe but failed to do so adequately. This painting is more intelligible than my words.
 "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 10), oil on canvas, 62¾x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} I am not happy with the way this is going. Is "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" getting away from me? I am concerned about centering. Is this painting reluctant to find center? I am working to find center, but trouble continues. I am concerned. Engaging by simplicity has been difficult. Is it possible? Can "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" become centered in both personal and compositional realms? I have not given up. Somehow this painting reminds me of a complex painting by Richard Diebenkorn.  Richard Diebenkorn, "Urbana", oil on canvas, 156.2x121.3 cm, 1953  "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 9), oil on canvas, 62¾x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} This art-making is a dirty, messy, destructive/constructive process. The painting, "Gonna Speak to the Crowd", is moving between destruction and construction. It ain't over yet. The process has been dramatic, dynamic, revelatory. More will come. I will continue to solve the mystery that is me. I am foolish, yet I do recognize truth when I see it. I am doing enormous work by seeking truth through the process of destroying falsehoods. Simultaneously I am feeling foolish and intelligent. Why did I create complexity that was obviously falderal? I watched myself bending this thing toward NOT speaking to the crowd. How did I allow myself to stray far away from truth telling? I can look back because I post every state of a painting on this blog; I see I lazily followed a path of squiggle and squabble. Did I believe if I did enough mark-making I would find my way? I did delude myself. I can't solve my personal mystery by being indolent about the facts. I must be strong, I must pull upon my heart strings till they yell, "Yes, this is the proper way toward truthful self-expression.
 "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 8), oil on canvas, 62¾x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} Yesterday I was flying. I destroyed much of the earlier version of the painting, "Gonna Speak to the Crowd". Here is its replacement. However, today I am in quandary; I am following a mystery... where is this painting going? This is not an easy life. I return to actively follow clues, despite my being clueless. It is simple work, like opening a window when it is hot in the studio. I may need a day away from this painting to regurgitate and ruminate. Where did it begin? Where does it want to go?
 "Gonna Speak to the Crowd" (2021 No.5, state 7), oil on canvas, 62¾x57⅜ inches, {"I'm gonna spare the defeated — I'm gonna speak to the crowd. I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd. I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered. I'm gonna tame the proud." - Bob Dylan, "Lonesome Day Blues" (2001)} Very early this morning I was in the studio. This painting, "Gonna Speak to the Crowd", had to change. What is that weird, playful form on its lower left?" It is a distraction, albeit interesting to look at. This painting's core composition is solid. Why distract from its core mission? As of this writing much of the periphery of this painting has been destroyed, replaced with simplicity. This is my effort to find core value. That is singular "value." Over the last few weeks my mission has been clear. It is personal impetus seeking singular center. "Finding center" is both figurative and literal. I am on a mission to find myself through my work. I want to make it visual. I understand vision better than storms in my brain.
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At MEHRBACH.com you may view many of my paintings and drawings, past and present, and see details about my life and work. Archives
July 2021
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